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Letting SIL borrow car
My SIL is 19 and very immature and irresponsible. She has not ever really learned how to drive growing up, only in the last few weeks she has been trying. Anyways, she wants my dh to take time off work and drive her to take her driver's test, and let her use the car for her test. I'm adamantly against the idea. We are about to move, just put down a huge deposit on our new apartment, and we don't have very much money lying around. If anything were to happen to the car that would be a $500 deposit.
I know that probably nothing will happen, but I'm still antsy just thinking about it, especially the thought that dh would have to take time off work, as he's taking 2 days off for our move next month. Dh is kinda on the fence about it.
Am I being crazy? I just want to make sure my dislike of her is not affecting my decision making surrounding her.
Thanks!
Re: Letting SIL borrow car
If it were me I'd be ok with it as long as your H taking the time off isn't an issue. If it is, that's another story.
Do you remember your driving test? It's really controlled, the instructor will be in the front & your H will be in the back (at least that's how it is in MA) and it's not like she'll be going far or at high speeds. I really wouldn't worry too much.
With that said, what is their relationship like in general? If they don't normally have one or if she only comes around when she wants something then I can understand you being bothered by this.
You don't have to let anyone you don't like drive your car. Regardless of how good a driver he or she is. You don't have to let people you do like drive your car, for that matter. It's a bad idea, you know it is, and the answer should be no.
MIL's car didn't pass the test to take the drivers test because one of the doors apparently doesn't open. I don't know why she isn't asking FIL.
DH taking time off work shouldn't be too major of an issue, but he would have to make the hours up and he's currently in school 4 nights a week after work so that would make things really difficult. Dh and SIL have had a bad relationship that's just starting to get better. Dh said probably not right off the bat to SIL and she flipped out on him about being mean to her.
She keeps saying she's getting MIL's car when MIL gets a new car next year (MIL's car is barely running anymore). But we've heard that story for awhile now.
SIL and I have had problems from the beginning and as she's gotten older things have gotten better, but I still keep my distance because I don't like dealing with her. I'm polite, but that's it.
Obviously you don't have to do this; it's your car and you can say no. That said, something about your post makes me feel like you just don't really like your SIL and aren't really interested in helping her. It just seems to me it's more about not wanting to help than it is about not being comfortable with her using it. Taking time off and possibly paying a deductible and moving soon all sound kind of excuse-ish to me.
If you don't want to do it, just say no. Don't bother coming up with a bunch of reasons why.
I'm going to ditto Maybride and SueSue on this.
How does your H feel about this? It sounds like he is ok with her doing this?
If she flips out when she doesn't get her way, the relationship really isn't getting better, and your DH should not cave just for the sake of "starting to improve the relationship." I hope the relationship isn't improving just b/c your H has been catering to her demands.
Your SIL needs to learn that love =/= getting what you want. "Sis, I love you, but I can't take off work at this time, and I"m not willing to allow you to use our car for the test." SIL has many alternatives, including waiting until MIL gets her new car, using FILs car, and having either of her parents sit in the car with her while she takes the test. Heck. if she is 19 I bet she has some friend who are old enough to chaperone her.
I hope you're moving FAR away!!!
No way would I let my SIL borrow my car. But that's a separate issue...
It sounds like there's some feelings of entitlement here as well as emotional blackmail ("you're being mean to me!"). For that reason alone, I'd say no. Top that off with the inevitable expectations of her being allowed to borrow that car in the future, and I'm going to say no way to the nth degree.
Good luck. Keep us posted, okay?
When I took my driver's test, my dad had to provide proof that I was on his insurance policy and that my mom's car (the one I used for the test) was on the same policy. Not sure if your state has the same requirements, but assuming you and H aren't planning on adding her to your policy, she legally may not be able to use it anyway, making the whole thing moot.
Either way, I wouldn't let her use my car. This shouldn't have to be your problem - it should be her parents'.
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