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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Girls who have IL drama/issues
How do you cope with the drama, and how do you get over the hurt?
Obviously an apology would be ideal, but that's never going to happen...if you have tips, please share!
TIA
Re: Girls who have IL drama/issues
It took me a while to realize that no matter how much i wanted a good relationship with my MIL i wasn't going to be able to make that happen, and in the mean time i just kept getting my feelings hurt.
Now i have distanced myself from them. It sucks but at least i am not constantly getting hurt or building up aggression and bad feelings towards them. I try to be as pleasant as i can when i see them but otherwise i just try to keep my distance and we don't really speak otherwise - it makes it easier to see them when i have to.
I've been with DH for almost 14 years, so I am at the point that I ignore MIL and don't let her get to me. There was one point where she had me and DH fighting, and I vowed to never let her get in between us, and from then on ignore her. Now I sit back and enjoy watching her try to stir the pot, or make dumb comments, and just send them back her way. She's more entertaining now.
I don't allow her to hurt me. Nothing she says or does surprises or hurts me, but if she ever hurts my son, I will go BSC on her a$$.
I'm probably too numb to the drama she tries to start up by now though.
Sorry you are having some inlaw drama. Anything in particular that the board might be able to offer suggestions?
My SIL is a total nutter and I deal with her by avoiding her. She's completely selfish and couldn't care less about anyone else.
She recently sent a card to DH (not me, mind you) congratulating him on our twins. She said she hopes he's happy about it and she's trying to be excited, even though there isn't much to do as an aunt. How thoughtful of her.
She said this in the card?! I agree, she is a total nutter.
Sorry you are having some inlaw drama. Anything in particular that the board might be able to offer suggestions?
I am just trying to figure out how to cope so I don't explode. I am hurt by comments, and a lot of time the comments are said when DH isn't around or talking to someone else.
When I tell DH he says, "it's just how my parents are." I get that, but I can't deal with it.
This exactly.
Couldn't have said it better myself, all of it. I haven't seen or spoken to my MIL since Christmas. All communication must go through DH. I will no longer tolerate her BS and hurtful words. It is better this way because I am very passive agressive. I could say something just as hurtful to her and that won't do us any good. I do feel better though that her insanity isn't directed only at me. She is treating all of us like crap especially SIL.
I have a decent relationship with my SIL. I can really relate to the "mommy issues" that she is having with MIL so we can bond in that respect.
Steph and Jeff's Shutterfly Website
~ Stephanie & Jeffrey ~ 9.15.2007
I mostly use avoidance and try not to have much in the way of conversations with most of the in-laws. Usually if we have people over to our house, I try to stay in the kitchen and keep busy with that instead of having to talk to them.
With MIL, we have adopted a CYA policy. I make sure that DH calls her every few weeks (she won't just call him, if she doesn't think he calls enough, she'll just stew about it till she explodes) and we make sure to give her token gifts. And, of course, I still avoid conversations with her like the other in-laws.
I think it really just comes down to having a thicker skin. It helps when your DH agrees with you (or at least doesn't think you're crazy). You kind of just have to get to the point where you can try to be pleasant but not really care what they think of you.
Yep, in the card. She is all kinds of special.
do we have the same MIL? Does she call a bunch of other people to cry about how her son won't call her?! I know she secretly likes it so that she can complain, so now that we don't care what she says i feel like i am giving her what she wants by not reminding him to call her. She just wanted something to b!tch about so there you go. That's my present to you MIL.
My MIL is totally like that too. You can tell because she is always mad at someone. Lately its been BIL, so we've been pretty clear, but sometimes its one of her siblings, or her in-laws. It is impossible for her to not be mad a somebody.
It's so hilarious how pissed off she gets at us if we don't spend enough time with her when she spends absolutely no holidays with her in-laws because she went bsc on them one to many times.
I usually go the avoidance route as well, but I am really worried about what is going to happen once the baby arrives. If I don't have to see or talk to MIL, I am great, but as soon as I know I am going to have to personally deal with her in some capacity, I really get stressed out. What is sad, is that I can predict her comments/behavior pretty well and she never fails to disappoint. She thinks she is hilarious and doesn't see how her comments may be or are hurtful. She pretty much never listens, so any sort of conversation had will go in one ear and out the other.
It is hard because I know they are DH's parents and he just kind of deals with MIL's behavior/comments because she has been like this his whole life, but my tolerance for her emotional manipulation and drama has shrunk and shrunk and I have a feeling once the baby is here, I will lose it at one point. How that will end, I don't know, but there is only so much I know I will be able to take when it involves my own child.
I know she will never change and I am just grateful they live 2.5 hours away (even though she calls DH multiple times a day).
hahaha. we always joke about that too. well at least she is mad at someone else so we don't have to hear about it for a while. ;-)
one time she was at my house totally annoying the crap out of me when she started to complain about how next she had to go to her MILs house. she said something along the lines of "you have no idea how torturous it is to have to spend time with that woman". i have never bit my tongue so hard before. haha
yes, at home, but it has gotten me in some trouble in their presence.
Yes, definitely at home!
That sounds so much like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond!!!
I was just thinking it sounded like an episode of friends. It's kind of disturbing how closely our lives resemble sitcoms.
more than you know!
We all have the IL drama. I think lately I've been going to the ignore route as well. The most distance I put between us the happier I am. I know it sucks because DH gets along with his dad really well and enjoys hanging out with him. But he wants to to partake and honestly if his stepmom is around I rather not take part. Which is so hard because we were so close before the wedding, but after the wedding in Brasil (after I did all hte leg work for all her close friends 5 couples to go to Brasil and stay at my mom's place) she has become a huge BEOTCH. His actual mom let's not even go there, she never showed up to our wedding, claimed it was too painful to see her ex husband (FIL). Last time DH saw her was august 2007 (shortly after we got enganged).
It's sad.