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How to handle my Aunt (LONG, sorry)
So, my dad's side of the family is VERY small. It has always just been my grandparents, my aunt, my dad and me. Both of my grandparents passed away last year and my dad was diagnosed w/ lymphoma in October. To top it off I moved across the country in November. Obviously there has been a lot going on with this side of my family. I'm at the end of my rope w/ my Aunts behavior and ready to cut her completely out of my life.
She has gone from being an amazing, productive woman to an embarrassing, selfish alcoholic in the last 6yrs. I dreaded the last few holidays w/ my dads family because of this. Since my early teen's I've attempted a relationship with her and it always failed. Example: she emailed me a question about her cats. I respond w/ an answer and ask how things are going, what she's been up to etc and get no response. She has never seen me as an actual adult and refers to me as though I'm 14 in almost every converstation.
Prior to g-parents deaths I was never informed of various hospitalizations, cancer diagnosis etc. until they were done and over with. I always asked how things were going and I was always told they were fine until after the fact. Very frustrating and hurtful but I figured that was there way of protecting me. My biggest fear was that I wouldn't know my g-parents passed until after their service 
Well, after getting reamed by my aunt about not caring about them I explained how I felt to her. She didn't realize that had been happening, apologized and promised to keep me informed. Thankfully she did and made sure my dad called to tell me when each of them were nearing the end.
Since my grandmothers passing my aunts behavior toward me has been getting worse and worse. At g-mas service I was excluded from sitting w/ dads family. Thankfully my other aunt came and I didn't have to sit by myself. When I read a poem and balled the entire time she came to me later and stated she didn't realize I cared that much. Seriously??? She's my g-ma....of course I care!
Now that both g-parents have passed my aunt is handling the estate. Now mind you, my dad has lived w/ his parents for the last 10 years taking care of them. Nothing is in the will about my grandparents car, seems like an oversight. She insists that my father "buy her out" of the car. WTF?! Its worth maybe 5k. Get over it! My dad buys her out, which I completely disagree with and I get a check for my portion (which I beg my dad to take back, and he wont') and a hateful letter. In this letter she states if it were up to her I wouldn't get anything b/c I've been a horrible member of the family. She brings up that "as far as I know you I didn't even bother to visit your g-parents in the hospital". Ummm hello!? We had entire converstation about this! I was in tears I was so upset. She says she thinks it was "nice" of me to attend both memorial services. Nice? WTF kind of statement is that? There was a serious issue over wedding photos (long story, ask if you like) Oh, and I have snubbed that entire side of the family even though, including my dad, no one has picked up the phone to call me in 10+ years. No "Hi, how are you?", no "Happy Birthday." I always had to initiate every conversation. This has always bothered me.
I'm just emotionally exhaused from this woman and its getting to the point I'm angry at the slight mention of her name. She's making nasty comments on my facebook page about how I don't consider her family b/c I haven't requested her in my family tree thing. Told her to send me a request since I don't mess w/ it, just accept them. She never did but continues to make snarky comments when other family members add me. Its facebook.....not the end of the world! I finally lost it and got nasty w/ her. She, of course, acts worse when she is wasted.
Congrats if you have made it this far. This got VERY long. Had a lot to get off my chest it seems. Any advice on how to handle her? Should I write her back stating exactly how I feel? I don't really know if I can be nice about it honestly. I'm torn between completely removing her from my life right this moment or waiting until my dad passes and then walking away from the last member of his family. Any advice or insight is greatly appriciated!
Re: How to handle my Aunt (LONG, sorry)
Delete her from your Facebook and stop making contact with her.
Make sure you are your dad's point of contact with his doctors. Talk with your dad about his estate, will, etc., and make sure that everything's planned out the way that HE wants it to be (i.e., don't let your Aunt be his executor or make any unwanted changes). Your dad needs to put his wishing in writing NOW, to prevent a very ugly fight later. Talk it over with a lawyer to make sure that you are both protected from your aunt trying to take anything/make decisions that she's not authorized to make.
How did your aunt not "allow" you to sit with the family at the funeral service? Didn't your dad stick up for you (was he able to be there)? What would've happend if you'd sat there anyway ... she would've thrown a fit and people would've seen what a nut she is, and hopefully would've escorted her out.
Family needs to be earned. You are not stuck with putting up with her crap just because she's a blood relative.
There were only 4 available chairs behind the podium...My dad, grandpa, her and her boyfriend. I sat on the other side of the aisle. Unfortunately my dad doesn't speak up about anything. He never has and likely never will.
And yes, I'm the point of contact w/ his doctors....And so is she after making a scene when they gave us his official diagnosis. She actually had the nerve to tell me it wouldn't matter if they contacted me since I was moving
She lives hours away herself.
Good point about the discussion w/ my Dad. We've had minor talks about his benefit checks being sent to me and what not but thats as far as its gotten.
Here we go again...
Your aunt isnt the only issue here, your dad is just to much to blame aboutn ot allowing you to sit with family. He is a grown man and could have done something to fix that situation. Same thing goes for your grandparents health issues....your dad should have been sharing this info with you not your aunt. Stop blaming her for all instances where your dad should have done his job.
As far as the car and money...stay out of it...it isnt your business it is between your father and his sister.
You better make sure your father has all his legal documents in order.
If you dont like your aunt and dont want anything to do with her....just cut her out. BUT dont blame her for your fathers lack of "speaking up" that all falls on him,.
I completely agree that my father NEVER speaks up. This has been an issue for many, many years. But I'm by no means blaming her for anything other than being a selfish drunk. Yes,my dad should have done his job but that doesn't make her behavior towards me acceptable especially after having an adult conversation about my concerns. And why wouldn't the car have anything to do with me? Its being included in the estate, 10% of which is mine. I'd say that makes it my business....
I didnt say behavior to you was acceptable, i said cut her out if you want to, but you listed your reasons for being angry at her as lack of communication and not being able to sit with your fathers family. Both of those were your fathers responsibility, not hers.
If you are concerned about the $$$ get a lawyer and let them handle your 10%. That way you again have no contact with her. Again if your father is going to let her get away with it that is his issue not yours, but in regards to your money get legal help.
Kick her off facebook and block her. That way she can't see anything you post on anyone's page - in fact she can't even see your name on anyone's page. Then break contact with her.
I don't talk with my aunt that much. I don't see the point.
Why are you talking with her so much, especially when she's drunk? A lot of this would be solved if you shredded the nasty letter and deleted her from your FB. Surely people can see her rants for what they are. Just call it waht is is - grief. If people ask just say its a shame that she's so grief sticken and drinking too much.
Say a few prayers for her, too.
Ok, I've been where you are. Obviously, you stop contact with woman now. Have all the estate things go through an attorney so that you don't have to deal with her.
For the short term - you need some sort of outlet for your anger. Go on a walk or do sprint drills, punch pillows, ball up wads of newspaper and throw it at the wall, take a kickboxing class. Anything to get you through the understandable rage that you have for this situation.
Long term - you should have a few sessions with a family counselor. It will help you put things in perspective and decide what you want to do moving forward.