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If you have children... come in
This is probably a more getting pregnant or some other pre-baby board question than it is a family matter. However, I wanted to hear the opinion of people who already have children, so I hope you don't mind my asking here. My question is are you ever REALLY ready to have a baby? In this case I am talking more specifically financially. My husband and I decided we wanted to be "financially ready" before trying to have children. So the logical thing in our mind was to find some baby cost calculator and decide that this is what we must be making before we even begin trying to have a baby.
As am I watching 16 & Pregnant (classy show I know, but its a guilty pleasure) it made me think of all the people who were probably like overly prepared and them and their kids turned out fine (not at all implying that all the ladies of 16 & pregnant are these people.... I mean have you seen teen mom 
). It got me thinking of people in my life now, who have their babies in high school, in college, by accident..... A lot of those babies are in elementary school/ middle school/ high school, absolutly wonderful healthy children, you would never have known mom and dad weren't "ready" to have them.
So then it made me think. Are we over thinking this? Yes our current salaries don't meet that X number of dollars that the baby cost calculator says it will take per year. But all in all I feel like we aren't in a bad place in our life. A little credit card debt and 1 car to pay off, but both our college is paid off, 1 car & motorcycle paid, and our house is totally paid off. Thats a lot of details about me though for my really wanting to ask a more broad question.
How ready were you when you had your kids?
Did you look at the costs and think oh we can't do this, but once the baby was here you found that you did find ways to make it work and you weren't really swimming in debit?
Are you ever really ready to have kids?
Re: If you have children... come in
But those online calculators aren't gospel; if you two have good and stable jobs with benefits, and have enough income that you're getting your bills paid and have some left over every month, then you're in good shape. Do you both plan to keep working after a baby is born? If so, start pricing out daycares in your area to get an idea of what that monthly expense will be. If not, start living off of the income of the spouse who will continue working, and bank the other person's income, just to get used to living on that one salary and see if it's doable. Get familiar with your health insurance and what it covers, and what you can expect to pay out-of-pocket for prenatal care, labor and delivery, and first year's well-baby check-ups. Check your company's policies on FMLA and short-term disability, and figure out how many weeks you'll have to take off unpaid and how much you'll need to save up to cover it.
Most everything else is easy, and can be as expensive or as cheap as you want to make it.
Yes you have to be financially stable. But there are two truths to understand before you make that decision to TTC.
First - the costs of a baby into toddlerhood is much less than what society tells you it is. The NEEDS are much different than the WANTS. And even within the NEEDS, you dont NEED top end. A baby does not understand eating Generic formula vs. Name Brand (formulas are THE MOST RESTRICTED AND MONITORED FOOD ITEM IN TEH COUNTRY) or he/she is wearing GAP vs Walmart onsies.
Second - being financially solid means being financially solid for the ENTIRE HOUSE. If you have too much debt and/or not enough savings to cover yourselves if BOTH of you were to loose your jobs at the same time, then you are not ready to have a child. Being parents means ensuring the comfort and safety of your children...and they cannot live on ramen noodles in a car.
I have always recommended (and did myself) that a couple starts living on ONE salary (saving the other persons salary) for ONE YEAR BEFORE YOU STTC. That way you can get your budget set (that includes paying off credit and putting money into savings from the one salary) for one salary before you have that baby to worry about OR you decide to become a permanent SAHM. Second, you will have one full year to save for emergencies.
Good luck.
I did not read the other reviews but I'll tell you something. You will never be ready. EVER. Maybe financially but never emotionally. And if you are not ready financially, you'll still find a way. We were trying and after a while we stopped and I got PG in the mist of an economic crisis in my household. I told my DH that I was PG and not ready. The day before giving birth I told my doctor IN TEARS that I was not ready.
She is 3 and I am not ready. And it the best thing of my life.
We will try for no. 2 sometime in the summer. Guess what? I am not ready.
HTH LOL!
Sure you can be really ready to have kids. That doesn't mean that you don't wish you had more money to go around, or that you don't sometimes wonder "what the heck have I done???". I was 32 and 35 when my kids were born. We owned property, DH had a stable, well-paying job (I'd had one, too, until we moved out of state during my first pregnancy so DH could take a better position; I've been a SAHM doing some part time work since then), and we had no debt other than the mortgage, fully funded retirement, and money in the bank. But you have to make choices about how to spend that money...the essentials of basic food, clothing and shelter come first. If you can cover those, you're fine and beyond that sure you can always find ways to spend more if you have it but you don't need to. As for the emotional aspect, I adore my children. But I'm the first to admit that some days I just throw up my hands and wonder if I really thought this through before I did it! There are good days and bad ones. Fortunately, there are far more of the latter and that makes it all worthwile. :-)
I over analyzed and over estimated everything. My baby was not nearly as expensive as I thought he would be.. even when we had to switch from BFing to special formula and it added on an extra $150/month expense.
It can be expensive if you want it to be.. but there are a lot of ways to cut costs. Coupons for diapers and formula are great, generic diapers work just as well, and baby clothes are almost always on sale somewhere!
Well yeah, I think you can be financial ready. All that means is that you have enough income to pay your bills, pay the additional expenses that come along with having a baby without sinking into debt, and maybe still be doing things like saving for retirement.
Are people who are not ready financially bad parents? No, absolutely not. My parents never had enough money. They were always living paycheck to paycheck. But, I still had a loving, happy and stable childhood with plenty of attention and affection to go around. It's just that my parents had more stress, work and worry than they needed to if they had been in a better financial place (and I was the 2nd child. All planned!)
So I think you can be financially ready, but sometimes the worst case scenario if you're not financially ready is that maybe you won't have as easy a path as you would have if you are financially ready. Now obviously, if you can't afford to give the basic necessities to a child, then that's different.
I think finacially and emotionally "ready" go hand in hand. Yes, we had good jobs and could meet our finacial goals but we were also ready to be parents. I enjoy our family nights and skipping the things we did as a childless couple. I enjoy parenting. The hard parts, the fun parts, all of it. So much of what's wrong with teen moms is that they are not developmentally ready to be parents. And that's why some teens DO make successfull parents - because they pull their acts together, even without a tiny bit of money. Its the emotional stability and fortitude that make it work.
I have to ask - How on earth do you have your mortgage paid off but not your credit card debt?
Having had 2 kids, I understand why it's tempting for people to say "You can never truly be ready for kids!' But there are things you CAN think about ahead of time that will make your lives much easier when you do decide to have kids.
The biggest thing you have to think about is the cost of providing care for the child. Baby formula, diapers, and baby clothes do add up, but these things are nowhere near as expensive as providing care, and they just kind of get worked into the grocery and household spending. Care for your child will either be provided by one of you (at the expense of one of your salaries) or by someone else. Paying for daycare can take up a large chunk of one parent's earnings, depending on the parents' jobs and the type of daycare you choose.
You first will want to talk with your H about whether one of you will stay home with the baby, or whether you'll both continue to work. If you opt to pay for daycare, make some calls and find out roughly how much it costs in your area. Think about how you would pay your rent/mortgage, bills, food, gas, and expenses on one salary or after daycare is subtracted from your combined income.
Next, you'll need to think about the amount you would need to have saved to be comfortable for several months in the event of a major problem such as: losing a job, major illness, car trouble, appliance trouble, etc.
Finally, look at your spending right now. Having a baby will certainly mean that your budget is stretched tighter than it is now. What would be the first things to go? It's helpful if you and your spouse are on the same page with these decisions.
Really, if you can talk sanely and reasonably about these things, and develop some kind of a plan, you're probably ready to have a baby.
Why the assumption that people of our parents' generation were too stupid to plan their kids? Yes, I was planned and my parents were financially prepared for a family, albeit that an easier feat 30-some years ago. I'm sure that's why they never questioned why H and I waited so long to start our own family.
Thanks. I found your comment about the baby calulator not being gospel helpful. I think us both not having baby in our family for awhile, we were treating it like it was. We really didn't know much about costs. Its funny we both have jobs with children so emotionally we get what a child needs, but ask us how much a car seat will cost and thats a whole new world for us!
Here is my question about working and day care. My husband works a normal 7am to 4pm job, Monday to Friday. I work overnights and my days off are Tuesday and Wednesday. If you put it on paper it would seem as though we wouldn't need daycare. However logically I'm thinking we would, probably less than the both working full time couple, but still would need it. Can you possibly help me make a little more sense of what we would REALLY need for daycare?
Thanks for that first part. I wish I could calculate it out that I'm not against walmart or 2nd hand clothes. We have some really good used "like new" baby clothes and maternity clothes stores by me. However I have never really went and looked at how much cheaper this option would really be. Do you have any idea what the cost difference in buying 2nd hand vs. new would be?
By the way thanks for your answer, I found it very informative.
First, loved your answer. Thanks. So the mortgage and credit card debt. Honestly it has alot to do with timing and I will try to tell the story in a nut shell. We both had a nice savings account and zero credit card debt when we first got married, credit cards yes, but paid off every month. House and cars, they got to be the focus. Well, then a little over a year ago we both found ourselves jobless, enter credit card debit. Then he was involved with americore for the summer (and whether or not that could be considered to have a payment is debateable). During that time I took an extremely low paying job just to have a job and to have benifits. This is when we were able to talk to our credit card companies, they worked with us. As long as we make our payments on time (and of course do not add to our debt) there is no interest on our credit cards. We both got better paying jobs. Extra money went to paying extra on things that did have interest. And that is where we are today.
Also with the teen mom thing, I have worked with lots of teen mom (and wanna be teen moms) to understand why teens do not always make the world's best parents. The stories I could tell..... LOL I do hope that you did not think I was looking at this MTV show and thinking hmmm..... I should have a baby too. It was simply the bridge that got me thinking about what makes a parent really ready to be a parent and is there such thing as really being fully prepared.
I realize that there are couples who purposely work opposite shifts from each other to avoid daycare, but I can only guess that such an existance is miserable and exhausting. Don't forget that you need to take care of yourself, and you will be sleep deprived for quite awhile already without adding the burden of having to be "on" all the time.
The only problem is, part-time daycare isn't priced much differently than full-time (usually, anyway). But I still think that in all reality you'll be much happier with it.
I know it isn't popular but I think being financial ready is really important particularly for a planned child.
I did actually have a budget worked out based on the costs of having a child in my area (and I strongly suggest this -- day care costs can vary from $800 a month to $3000 a month depending on where you live) and I'm glad I did. Somethings have been more expensive, while others have been less expensive but overall we're spending a bit more than I planned and I'm glad we didn't make certain choices we were toying with (e.g. moving). Having money has just made everything so much easier. I can choose my childcare based on whats right for us not what is cheapest. I can buy the wants that do make life easier. I have have a cleaning lady (and trust me that is really important for a dual income family with a little kid).
That being said -- could we have made it work earlier in our marriage? Sure. But I think it would have been harder. And I think that some of the things that are really important to us (e.g. living in a GREAT school district vs. an OK one) would have suffered.
These were my thought excatly. Thats why I said on paper it looks like no daycare, but in reality..... I have seen too many children whose heads have a flat spot or bald spot or other things because they let them lay all day instead of interacting with them. Since sleep for me would is not an option, I daycare is not either. Just wondering how much though.