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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o name change
I'm bored at work and feel like posting a lot, lol. Did you change your name when you got married? Why, why not, etc.
I never did with XH - I liked my name better than his and didn't want to give mine up. Somehow I still get mail for "Jacklyn Thordarson" though, years later, which makes me chuckle/roll my eyes because that's not how my first name is spelled and I was never Thordarson. The judge at my divorce hearing asked me half a dozen times if my last name had always been S. By the 5th time I think I rolled my eyes at him, whoops!
If I get married again though, I plan on changing it so my maiden name is my middle name and my last name is the hypothetical future H's last name.
Re: s/o name change
I didn't want to change my name but I ended up doing so. But, being me, I didn't make it simple. I spoke to my SIL who didn't change her name after marrying my brother and she said that she may end up changing it so that her last name is the same as their kids (who have my brother's last name).
Originally, I was going to keep my name because there was no more men in our family with the name to pass along. But my cousin never got adopted by any future husbands of his mother (my crazy aunt) and he never took his biological father's last name, so we finally had someone to pass along the name.
Still, I was attached to my last name-- I had had it for 35 years! But it was important to my husband's family (not so much him, but why rock the boat for him?), so I changed my name on one condition. And that was that we spell it and pronounce it the way that it is supposed to be pronounced and spelled. Mostly because I don't like the way it sounds when it's NOT pronounced correctly (I sound like some character out of the Wild West).
Anywho. That's why I changed my name. And I kept my last name as a 2nd middle name (So I'm Daniele B___ B____ C____).
This is what I did.
My graduate degree has my maiden name on it, I guess I always figured if I wanted to become a prof or something, I could still hang up my diploma and people wouldn't be like "who?" LOL.
It has actually been very convenient in that I can use my driver's license, Amy MaidenName LastName to ID myself with paperwork addressed to Amy MaidenName - nobody bats an eye.
Ha, I just responded to this on the other post.
Like Daniele, I am keeping all of my names. To me, they all have significance and I can't bear to part with either my middle name (same as my mom's first name) or my maiden name (I have a huge Irish Catholic family w/ a lot of pride!), so I am keeping both as middle names, and tagging my married LN on the end. I don't plan on using my "G" maiden name in everyday life, but there's something about hanging on to it in my formal name that means something to me.
For me, taking DH's last name was important as he doesn't have a huge family to carry on their last name, and my side is ridiculously large (Da is one of eleven kids!) so there is no fear of it dying out. We have two family names dying out on both of our mother's sides, so we're hoping to use them for middle names with our kids so there is some sort of carry-on.
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
http://cookthehumbletable.blogspot.com/
Jacki - you have a great last name to make a middle name.
I would have loved to have made my maiden name my middle name but...umm....it is kinda long...13 letters.
I did change my name. I do miss my maiden name. I especially miss my maiden name as now it is very clear that my ILs are completely nutso. BUT...I'm glad that Abe and I have the same last name.
Secretly I wish all three of us had my maiden name for a last name.
I couldn't WAIT to get rid of my maiden name. My parents are divorced and I have always felt like I was giving my dad too much credit by carrying on his last name.
Both my undergraduate and graduate degrees have my maiden name- I'll sometimes use it as a middle name if I need to reconnect with colleagues that do not know that I have been married. It's been almost three years so most do know...Other than that- it's gone!
Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who wanted to hang onto their original name in some form! I do want to have the same name as my H eventually though. And if things work out with Matt, his name is a lot easier to say and spell right than mine, haha.
Last Christmas my cousin emailed me to ask for my address and asked, "Did you keep your last name or is it back to S (maiden name)?" I had to read it a few times because yes, I kept MY last name - S!!
My middle sis wanted to go to optometry school under her maiden name even though she got married the summer before she started her program. Her H was NOT impressed so she compromised and is Megan Middle Maiden Married.
Then my youngest sis said if she ever gets married she plans on keeping our maiden name. My poor dad - he said he never expected to have 3 daughters all grow up and not want to take their husbands' names and he feels a little bad for the guys!
It's just weird though. I have had this name all my life. I find it strange that women are expected to just change it without any angst but you wouldn't catch many guys rushing to do the same thing!
I changed mine even though my maiden name was crazy easy and my married name is crazy unpronouncable. Hubby wanted me to and I didn't care so much. My family name only goes back to my grandfather- he was adopted- so it isn't like we've had it forever or something.
I like that our whole little family has the same name. As wacky as the name is, I like that it is unique. I like that when I'm doing things over the phone where I need to list off both DH and my name, I only have to give one last name.
Jacki S____ M'sLATNAME
That is a great name!
Actually, I think your first and last names are short enough that a long middle name would sound cool. It would just take up a lot of space on your driver's license
The part I bolded is a big part of why I want to eventually change mine. If I have children I do want to have the same name as them.
And I guess I never really felt secure about the longevity of my first marriage, so in addition to not really liking his name I hesitated to take it. But it would be nice to just have things be simple - Mr. & Mrs. X, no explaining why Mrs. is still S all the time!
I'm pretty traditional and always knew I would change my last name to my husband's. It did help that my maiden name was hard to say and spell, rumored to have been made up when my grandfather came from Sweden to America, and my brother is carrying the name on. We were the only "Wernborg's" in the U.S. My mother and father divorced and she remarried so she doesn't have that last name anymore. I got tired of spelling my name repeatedly on the phone "W-E-R-N, as in Nancy-B, as in Bob - O - R - G." Much easier to say "White - like the color." I'm very happy with the change. And I didn't want to confuse my kids.
Maeghan, that's hilarious!!
And Brianne - right? I love it! LOL.
By the way, did I hear that Seth is now working right down the street from Matt on some days? Do I sense a GTG in the making?
Yes!! They were talking about going to get beers and I invited us.
Are you going to be at the Father's Day race?? Abe and I will be there cheering Seth on!
Excellent!
Matt is thinking about doing the Father's Day race. If he does I will definitely be there, we can cheer together!
I kept my last name. . . it just didn't feel right to change it. So far, it hasn't been a big deal, except when we vacation out of country . . . it really confuses hotel staff that we are married with different last names. If peanut is a boy, my last name will be his middle name.
So excited to meet Peanut this fall!
*Outdated* Wedding Bio
For us, keeping my last name was never a question for a whole bunch of reasons. First, neither Matt nor I "get" changing a name - it seems like a slight to one person's family and neither of us likes that. Second, as I've posted many times, my Dad has a really stinky family. Matt and I both felt my keeping my name was a tribute to my Dad and family solidarity for him. Third, since I had published a bunch before we were married, it was going to create professional complications and I want others in my field to have an easy time finding my work. :-) Lastly, Matt's personal take on it is that women who keep their names have spunk. Thus, it is a badge of honor for a man to have a wife who keeps her name because it's a sign that he can handle a spunky woman. :-P We both said we'd be okay with having people socially refer to me by Matt's last name but, push comes to shove, we're still not used to it.
Our kids will have Matt's last name because a five syllable, hyphenated last name seems too long. It doesn't bother me. Perhaps because one of my aunts kept her maiden name and her kids have her husband's last name only. So I grew up used to the concept.
My maiden name was the same, and said to be made up when my great-grandfather came from Norway to America. I switched from one odd name to another, which people always have trouble pronouncing.
My only concern was that I didn't want my oldest to feel left out when it came to last names. She has her biological dad's last name, where DH, Brooke, Lily and myself are all "G"'s. She is now a "B-G", so it worked out okay. But I still miss my maiden name sometimes, despite the numerous jokes saying I should have been a dentist
I got rid of my maiden name and changed my last name to DH's. It is important for me to have all of the members of our family unit (me, DH, DD) with the same last name and I think it just makes life easier. As a bonus, I went from having a 9 letter last name to a 3 letter last name. My signature is much shorter now!
I don't consider having changed my name to be any kind of affront to my family or heritage. It mattered much more to me to keep my middle name, which is the name my parents chose for me, than to keep the name I got by default because it was my dad's last name. My last name doesn't define who I am as a person. Heck, half the people who see my last name (and don't know me in person) think I'm Chinese!
I never changed my last name. Not for any reason other than sheer laziness. However, it actually makes me feel like a modern day feminist to have my own last name. In higher ed, it is common for women to keep their maiden names, at least professionally.
Ridley has DH's last name and I don't think it is going to confuse her. I don't remember ever thinking twice about someone's last name growing up. I had bigger things to worry about, like Barbies and Rainbow Bright.
And it makes for an entertaining game for the staff, figuring out which faculty members are married.
Right? I don't think I even realized my parents had names other than "Mom" and "dad" till somewhere around middle school.
I just tacked his on after mine...I was michelle middle name last name for 30 years...I felt that i'd somehow be giving up part of who I was by dropping my maiden name altogether.
Our cat has both our names(hyphenated) b/c we adopted her waaaay before getting married and our dog has his last name. We're nutty for our pets, can you tell?
I am Mel Chayer Married. I dropped my birth middle name altogether, never liked it - Jean, boring. I was 34 when I got married, I had been "Mel Chayer" forever... it was hard to let it go, so I worked around it.
I have come across a few snags along the way - the first was at the DMV in NH early on, technically one can't change their middle name in NH without petitioning the Probate Court - and an $85 fee. Social Security changed it with no questions asked, but DMV refused without a Court order. When I renewed my license a few months after the wedding, however, I had a friendly woman at DMV agree to remove my middle initial from the records completely, which resolves the situation as far as I'm concerned.
Then, when filing out the info for DS's birth certificate - it asked for my full birth name and then just my married LAST name, no place to note my middle name change - that question stumped the record keepers at the hospital, but we all just decided to fill it out as if my maiden name were always my middle - just looks weird that the form reads Mel Chayer Chayer as my birth name.
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!
All this. Also, my DH was so excited to share his last name with me and have me become part of his family...it made me feel really special.
Of course my married last name is a common girl's name so I always joke I have two first names.