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Legally changing your name - your first name?
OK, so I'll be getting married in a few months, and am planning to change my last name to Fi's, and making my maiden name my new middle name. Not uncommon. However, for about a year, I have been planning to change my first name legally right along with it.
From the time I was young, I've always been called by my nickname, (which is a shortened form of my given name), and in my heart, I never really felt that given name was "me". Even when I was little - I literally have felt like I am hearing someone else's name if I'm addressed by my legal name. It's just not me, and I think if I'm already changing my last & middle name, why not change the first right along with it.
Well now, I know it's now my name and my life, but I'm wondering if I should give pause, since it's what my parents chose for me. Should I feel guilty? Will I feel guilty later? I have a very, let's just say emotionally intense mother, and when I told her, she seemed surprised and disappointed, even though no one ever, EVER calls me by legal name. Not even her- ever! My fiance is supportive and agrees with me, but I know others may have a different view.
Anyone ever done this? How about if you legally changed your last name - did you feel guilty or did you get projected guilt from others?
Re: Legally changing your name - your first name?
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I know a couple people who did this- one legally changed her name to her middle name (she'd been called by her middle name since birth, so whenever she heard her "real" first name she'd be temporarily confused, trying to figure out who they were talking to!) The other changed her name slightly- her legal first name was a short, typically nickname name (Beth) and when she got married, she thought a longer version of her given name (Elizabeth) flowed better with her new last name. (Everyone still calls her Beth, but she likes the way her new name sounds when she's being introduced, receiving awards, etc.)
I think as with any change, it'll take some people a little time to get used to, but with repeating yourself firmly a few times, it'll stick. Since everyone already calls you by your nickname, I don't think you'll have much trouble with anyone accidentally calling you the "wrong" name.
I've thought about changing my first name. Well techincally I would be changing the spelling of my first name. My parents were kinda young when they had me and I suppose they thought I would be super special and cool if I had an unusual spelling for a common name. Little did they know what a headache it would be for me to correct people on the spelling and the pronunciation all my life. I have talked to my parents about it and they gave their blessing. My mom even said if she could do i t over again, she would have stood up to my dad and given me the more common spelling.
I am still on the fence about it though because I wonder if changing my name would be an even bigger hassle.
I can only guess as to how I would feel about this if I were in your shoes. However, I know that I would feel as you do about the possibility of insulting my parents. Ask yourself what purpose it would serve to change your name. Is it really that big of a deal? My father goes by a nickname of his middle name. For example, his legal name is David Andrew and he goes by "Andy." Most people don't know that his first name is David, so when he hears it, he rarely responds. One thing he likes is when telemarketers call and ask for David. He always responds with "there is no one here by that name." Anyway, after 70 years, he's fine with the two names. In fact, sometimes he goes by "D. Andy Smith." He feels very cool using an initial.
As you know, in the end this is your choice, but be sure to ask yourself if you'd be giving something up (a name given by your parents) for something else (what?). Is it worth it?
My only advice is to do it all at the same time, in one document. I know it's very easy to change your last name when you get married, but I am not sure about the middle and/or first name. I would research what your state/county allows you to do.
I legally changed my last name about 14 years ago - not by marriage, but by court order. Because of the increased scrutiny in proving you are who you claim to be, I sometimes run into problems b/c my name was not changed in the traditional way (which irks me to no end, but that's a different discussion). I have a harder time showing why the name on my birth certificate is not the name on my passport, driver's license, etc. I think if you had to show where you changed your last name and then where you changed your first name, it would be a GIANT pain in the a$$.
I don't have much to add, but agree with the PP that you should do it all at once. My friend did this (the maiden name to her middle name) and she had to pay for it. So you don't want to have to pay twice. She did it a year after she was married.
I don't know if I would change my name - the first name. Even if people only call you by your nickname... I would just feel the 'attachment' to it because my parents picked it.
I'm sure you've heard the Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
The same thing applies to guilt. Your mom can throw it out there, but it doesn't mean that you have to receive it.
My SIL contemplated this. It was exactly the sort of change you described, a nn she always uses that is a shorter version of her given name. (In her case, a few family members, including her mom, still call her by her given name). I happened to be present when she first mentioned the idea to her parents. The reasons she gave were the same as yours. Although her mom said, "It's your name so it's your decision," it was clear from the expression her face that she was crushed.
Ultimately, SIL did not legally change first name. I'm not sure whether or not guilt played any role in her choice. I'm fairly confident MIL would have continued to call her by her given name even if she had changed it legally.
I am thinking of doing this too! I go by my nickname T, which is not even a version of my first name E (my mom's mom). So I want to switch the two and drop my middle name G. Yes, i feel bad, which is why I haven't yet done it either as the name that i will drop is my dad's mom's name, who passed away before I was born.
We should make a pack and do it at the same time! That might make me do it, lol.
Oh and my mom actually does not make me feel bad about wanting to change my name & when she writes me emails she addresses me as T E. But a few times in conversation I've expressed a negative opionion to the idea of giving kids a name and then calling them byanother name (my brother almost did this) & my mom did seem to get upset & defends why she did it and goes on about how much she lovest my name, etc, which then in turn made me feel guilty too, lol. But come on, it has caused some annoying issues in my life. I never know what name I give when I make appointments & sometimes I'll go through a list of like 4 names b/c i also never changed my maiden name either due to professional reasons. Oy vey!
Wanna pinky swear we will change our names???
I have a friend who hated her first name and has gone by her middle name for years. When she got married she made her middle name her first name, maiden name her middle name, and took H's last name.
Her maiden name sounds like a ladies middle name, so it works.
When you change your last name due to marriage, you can just take your marriage license to the SSA & DMV, very easy to do. However, changing your first name is not that easy. You will need to contact the probate court in the county where you live and ask for the paperwork because it must be done through the court.
You should change your last name first so that you go from Jennifer Marie Smith to Jennifer Marie Doe (new last name) and then you?ll have to petition the court to change it to Jenny Smith Doe. You can?t change them at the same time because one is a court procedure and the other is not.
This may depend on the state where you live. I have a friend who has a very unusual middle name and a hyphenated last name. She capitalized on marital name change as an opportunity to simplify her whole legal name, and she did not have to go to probate court. However, she didn't change her first name, so I'm not sure what the deal is if you want to change your entire name at once.