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Devastating Fire
On Monday, my best friend suffered an extreme tragedy when her apartment complex caught fire and was ruled a total loss. Some of the structure is still standing but she was not able to recover ANY of her belongings, clothes, mementos, etc. I just thank God that she and her 2 dogs are safe!
Unfortunately, she did not have renter's insurance (stupid, I know). She has been staying with her parents but her brother also lives there and he is not at all nice to her. Even though she has stood by him through numerous downfalls and problems in his life, he is treating her awful.
My hubby and I have 2 extra bedrooms and our entire basement so we talked about telling her she could stay with us for awhile until she gets back on her feet. We would put a time limit on it so it would not become a never-ending stay. However, she has 2 dogs. Her dog Cali and our dog Oscar are brother and sister, and Cali gets along great with our 2 dogs! My husband adores Cali and so do I. However, her other dog is a NIGHTMARE! She's actually been trying to get rid of him for some time but has had no luck. He has accidents, chews things and is generally just out of control.
She has tried everything with him, from obedience class, where the instructor told her he'd never seen a dog like this, to anti-anxiety meds from the vet. What I'm getting to here is...would it be inappropriate for me to suggest that now might be the time to consider surrendering him to the Humane Society? I would normally NEVER suggest returning a pet for any reason, but she has literally tried EVERYTHING with him! I feel awful because I know she's going through so much but we really don't want that dog in our house. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions?? Anyone want a really adorable but totally crazy dog??
Re: Devastating Fire
yeah, it would be highly inappropriate.
She has nothing left right now except the intangibles and her pets, asking her to get rid of 1/2 of them is crappy.
And right now, she's in a vulnerable emotional state. It's not the time to make such decisions.
And, realistically, a dog who happens to be adorable but is 'crazy' and out of control and has housebreaking and destructive issues isn't going to find that magical 'new home' at the HS. He's, realistically, giong to be put down because there are a gazillion dogs there who are also adorable but who DON"T have issues. So this is the sort of placement, if she feels she has to re-home him, that takes a LOT more than just a call to the HS if it's to be done right.
AND, a final thought, if she did follow your suggestion, I'd fully expect that she'd later have 2nd thoughts (see above, vulnerable) and blame you (rightly or wrongly) and that resentment would be friendship poison.
As far as waht to do...she took the dog to a 'trainer'--trainers are a dime a dozen. I can put out a shingle today and say I'm a trainer and offer obedience classes. waht she should start with is a BEHAVIORIST. http://www.apdt.com/
And I'd say if you can't take her w/ dog, you take her w/ the caveat that you help her find a place to board dog or you don't make the offer.
well, I'll add this too...She may have changed priorities a lot w/ something this traumatic.
And given her situation, trying to re-home the dog by herself is a mistake.
Dogs taht are rehomed are significantly more likely to be rehomed again and eventually land in bad shelters and bad situations. This dog, with his history, shouldn't just go to anyone and she's likely not up to doing 'proper' screening right now (nor does it sound like she was doing it before)
I'd say that now would be a good time for her to contact a rescue (a breed-specific might be a good place to start) lay out the situation, and see what they can offer her. But taht's a different animal than just dropping the dog off at the HS.)
Did your friend call the Red Cross? They provide emergency shelter assistance for people that have lost their homes due to fire.
I never even thought of that! Thanks for the suggestion. I wish there was more I could do for her. It breaks my heart that she had to go through this.
This is delicate.
Is there a "no kill" shelter or foster pet system you could utilize, at least temporarily, while she stays with you? That plan does force the dog to adjust to a few different homes, but it seems like that's in the cards anyway, because of the fire.
Are you serious? Some of our friends consider our dog to be high maintenance, but I love him. If anyone suggested I ditch him at a shelter days after my house burned down I would cut them, I swear. Animals are not disposable, when you adopt them you make a commitment to them.
If you want to actually work on the dog and its issues, she should post on Pets. They helped me a lot with my dog who had severe separation anxiety, ate the trash, chews sh*t, ingested foreign objects and peed in the house. He is now 99% normal, potty trained and well behaved.
And its still not your place to tell her to get rid of her dog.
You sound like a really self absorbed person in this post even though you'd technically be doing something nice for someone. You are 100% fixating on the wrong issue here. Why don't you ask here WTH she wants to do and help her make it work instead of rushing in to have her do x,y,z because in your head that's best for her.
I'd imagine after losing her house she may want to keep some control and decision making authority over her life.
I'd tell her that she can stay, but both dogs have to stay at her parents' home. Just b/c you LOVE Cali doesn't mean that she should be treated any differently. Four dogs is a lot in any home - just tell her it's too much with her and the two dogs.
Don't give her advice on what to do with her "troubled" dog.
Wow, I think that's a little harsh of you to say that I'm being self-absorbed when her own parents can't even handle her living there with the dog. She has been trying to get rid of the dog for some time now and it just seems to cause her more stress than anything. She calls me constantly complaining about what new destructive things he did each day and has asked me on numerous occasions what she should do with him.
I'm not at all trying to be selfish and I understand that this is an extremely difficult time for her, I am just trying to offer help in the way I can and we can't have her dog live with us. I am in no way trying to take control away from her, I'm simply trying to do what little bit I can to help her.
I think you can offer your friend help, but state your boundries. Should you offer to take in the dog when you can't stand it and don't want your house ruined? No. At the same time, it's not your job to tell her what to do with the dog.
Offer your friend your home, but limit what she can bring - no dogs, only the well behaved dog, etc. She can put the dog(s) in a kennel while she searches for a new apt.
The fact that her brother is a jerk is not your problem to fix or your job to rescue her. Presumably, while your friend had a bad break, she is an adult and should be able to handle her adult relationships.