September 2009 Weddings
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s/o WR: Wedding Gifts
To piggy back off of Jill's post earlier, if you give a gift at the shower, will you still give a gift at the wedding itself? If so, what do you normally give? Cashmonies or an actual gift? If a gift, something off their registry, or a surprise? If monies, how much do you give? If a gift, how much do you spend?
Re: s/o WR: Wedding Gifts
Maybe it's a regional thing?
Here we give both -- you have a wedding shower for gifts gifts, and then money is generally given at the wedding itself.
If both Chris and I are attending the wedding, it's $100. If for some reason just one of us is going (like we had to do this past January for my friend's reception), we give $50.
updated 10.03.12
We give gifts for both. For wedding gifts we usually spend around $150-$250. I prefer to shop the registry when possible but we've also given money as well. Usually if we give money it's more like $250.
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Gift at a shower, cash for the wedding.
How much monies depends on how well I know the couple or if I'm in the wedding party.
if you give a gift at the shower, will you still give a gift at the wedding itself? Yes. They're 2 different events, therefore call for 2 different gifts.
If so, what do you normally give? Cashmonies or an actual gift? Depends
If a gift, something off their registry, or a surprise? I really like the excursion we got you for your honeymoon - so, I attempt to find out what the couple are doing for their honeymoon and see if I can buy them an excursion. If not, I give money.
If monies, how much do you give? Typically $100. Standard is you pretty much reimburse the couple for each plate - and up here, each plate runs about $100 for a wedding. I'd like to be able to give $200 for a wedding gift - but it's just not financially doable for us. Most of our friends gave us $100 for our wedding gift - therefore, I think it's sufficient.
If a gift, how much do you spend? I don't remember how much the excursion was, but if I do a honeymoon excursion - I'll go up to $150.
Ditto, all of this. The only exception is if it's a sibling I give more (appx $200) and if it's a family member and I cannot go to the wedding, I still give $$. EX: A cousin of mine is getting married this summer and I will be too uncomfortable to fly. I'm still going to send $$ because I would have gone.
Non-family members/non-close friends where we do not attend usually don't get more than a card.
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Oh MAN. I wish that was standard around here. I know it's not about gifts, blah blah, but we had to invite so many of MIL's friends, and almost all of them gave us cash or gifts worth about $30. Our plates were about $50 each. I am still bitter about this.
And to answer the question, I get people a gift for both the shower and the wedding, generally.
:Blog:
We always give both a shower gift and a wedding gift, though if I don't attend the shower and it's someone I'm not "that" close to (like Dh's coworker or something) I might not give a shower gift.
99% of the time we give cash wedding gifts. If I'm not attending the wedding and still want to send a gift, I'll go off the registry. Otherwise, we try to cover our plate (in this area that means around $150 pp) and will give extra if it is a couple we are very close to. Most of our guests gave us about half of what our plates cost - but I was kind of expecting that because I don't think many people realize the plate costs in this area, unless they've recently planned a wedding. Also - it's expensive so I can't really expect everyone to afford to give a gift that large.
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If so, what do you normally give? Cashmonies or an actual gift? I try to give an actual gift.
If a gift, something off their registry, or a surprise? Registry only, unless I know the couple really well and know they don't have something but will enjoy it.
If monies, how much do you give? $100 if we're both invited to a friend's wedding, siblings and close friends are $150-200
If a gift, how much do you spend? I spend $100-150
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Ditto. One or the other, not both.
Also, it's pretty uncommon to receive monetary gifts in my area. It's not tradition. I think we got *maybe* $200 total cash for our wedding. But we got almost everything off our registries and then some.
yes, if I'm invited to a shower, then I give/send a shower gift. Separate rfom wedding gift.
Depends - If we can't go and the wedding is OOT (like in STL like most of our weddings are), we'll usually just send a gift card or money, so I don't have to pay ridiculous shipping to get a gift there (unless I have free shipping, then usually a gift). Usually a gift off the registry unless I know the person *really* well.
Usually at least $50, if we're close enough with whoever to be invited to the wedding. Close friends, siblings, more like $100+, either gift of money depends on the above.
I think it's the opposite here, either that or I had really generous people at our wedding... I think we made out with $1400 by the end of the day.
updated 10.03.12
Huh, I never realized there was so much regional variation.
Typically wedding gift is cash, and broadly in the $150-$250 range. On average $200, but I'll admit since our wedding, I typically see what they gave us and go from there (the majority of our wedding gifts was cash).
If I'm invited to both the shower and the wedding, there are two gifts. I usually like to spend $75-100 for a wedding gift, or $150 if we're both going. Again for friends I'll spend more.
Sometimes I shop from the registry, sometimes I don't. One time I made the mistake of planning to buy something not on the registry, then reconsidering and by the time I went to the registry hardly anything was left. I've never given cash as a gift, I've always been told it's a little crass, but I've totally reconsidered after our wedding. If I were to send a gift and not attend the wedding, I'd probably send a check or gift card.
This is us too- it isn't that common to give money and when we did get money it was $30-50 per couple. We got $370 in monetary gifts.
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Well, good. I was starting to feel cheap!
Buying gifts from the registry is much more common here than money, but that's probably because most everyone gives a gift before the wedding. We got pretty much everything from our registeries, and ended up with $1200 cash, but $500 of that was from my dad.
People in the south would never think about covering the cost of their plate, but, then again, plates in the south don't cost $150.
Eh, I never consider it covering the cost of a plate either.
updated 10.03.12
True that, man. Honestly, I've only been to one wedding (that wasn't my own) where there was even an actual meal. Usually it's an afternoon (2pm) wedding, with jut cake and punch and nuts and mints.
I've been to 3 weddings with actual sit-down meals, but one of those was in St. Louis. Most weddings here have hors d'oeuvres, but the scale of niceness of those really varies. I've been to cake and punch church hall receptions too, but most people have more than that.
It's definitely much different up here. I don't think we had more than 3 non-cash gifts from our wedding and we had 160 guests. Same for my sister and my best friends' weddings. My mom didn't even understand why we needed a gift table and I had to explain that not everyone does things the same way and people do in fact still bring gifts to weddings. She didn't believe me!
It's rare to have a non-cocktail hour and sit-down dinner reception in these parts. And it seems that every year another thing gets added. Now, its common to have a full "venetian hour" at the end with like a wall of desserts and specialty coffees.
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:Blog:
I've never been invited to a wedding shower so I don't have any experience. I actually had to google whether you're supposed to give at both the shower and wedding. My answers to Jill's post were based off of finding out that you should give to both.
As to what I would actually do, I think I'd give a gift to both since the bridal shower is supposed to be a gift for the bride not necessarily the couple, whereas the wedding gift is supposed to be for the couple. I like to give off of registries, but if it was for someone who gave money for our wedding gift, then I'd reciprocate and give them money.
I haven't thought about this much or had any experience since I don't have many friends lol
Same here, Riss and I live in the same area so its about the same. We recieved one none monetary gift.
If I am invited to a shower I give a gift for that and the wedding. I have never given a gift at a wedding only money. We always give a minimum of 100 but usually in the 150-200 range depending on the couple. We were one of the first out of our friends so we have just been matching what they gave.
In our area usually the minimum per plate is around 100. We paid 115 a plate and we had 150 ppl and ill just say we out well, ppl matched or gave more than what their plate cost.
This sums it up for us too
I sure learned a lot from this post!
We actually got quite a bit of money but I attribute that to cultural reasons since our families mainly gave us money. Our friends mainly gave us gifts from our registry.
We do both around here. Usually if you go to the shower and give a gift, you give a card/money at the wedding. Mostly the wedding gifts (in boxes) are from people who haven't attended a shower.
Amount of money depends on who is getting married. I go by the same rule of thumb for shower gifts: Acquaintance, $25 or less; close friend, $25-$50; family, $50-$100.