Pissed at co-teacher

teacher86 · May 2011

I am a preschool teacher at a small private preschool. My mom is also a teacher there (we are obviously in different rooms). My co teacher has no tact, and I don't think she means any harm by some of the stuff she says but it can still be hurtful and annoying. I have struggled with bulimia/anorexia growing up, and since I was able to get over it to some degree I have gained a lot of weight. Anyways, co teacher turned to my Mom one day (in front of other teachers) and said, "teacher86 used to be so pretty back when she was skinny."

I'm really embarrassed and pissed. Am I overreacting? Should I report this to our director?

BlondeMoment123 · May 2011

I'd take her aside and mention that you were upset by her insensitivity.

HGlisson · May 2011

I agree with PP - I would take her aside and tell her your feelings in private. She may not even realize what she's doing. Additionally, if you explain you've had health issues in the past and that your weight is an extremely sensitive subject, she will likely feel terrible and never mention it again. If she does, then you'd have grounds to report it to your supervisor.

ESquared423 · May 2011

Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?

teacher86 · May 2011

ESquared423:
Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?

She kinda had a deer in headlights look on her face. This isn't the first incident with my co-teacher. She is constantly mentioning weight to me. She walked in the other day and said to me, "I just stepped on the scale and weighed 114 lbs". I eat a lot of salads at lunch, and she told me once, "you should continue eating salad, it'll make you lose weight." I had to go upstairs a lot one day (teacher workday) and she said to me, "you should be happy to go up and down those stairs, it'll make you lose weight."

liza0828 · May 2011

teacher86:
ESquared423:
Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?
She kinda had a deer in headlights look on her face. This isn't the first incident with my co-teacher. She is constantly mentioning weight to me. She walked in the other day and said to me, "I just stepped on the scale and weighed 114 lbs". I eat a lot of salads at lunch, and she told me once, "you should continue eating salad, it'll make you lose weight." I had to go upstairs a lot one day (teacher workday) and she said to me, "you should be happy to go up and down those stairs, it'll make you lose weight."

WTF?? I would tell her quite bluntly to knock it the hell off. Regardless of you past issues with an eating disorder, this is completely rude and obnoxious behavior on her part. She sounds like a bully.

ESquared423 · May 2011

liza0828:
teacher86:
ESquared423:
Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?
She kinda had a deer in headlights look on her face. This isn't the first incident with my co-teacher. She is constantly mentioning weight to me. She walked in the other day and said to me, "I just stepped on the scale and weighed 114 lbs". I eat a lot of salads at lunch, and she told me once, "you should continue eating salad, it'll make you lose weight." I had to go upstairs a lot one day (teacher workday) and she said to me, "you should be happy to go up and down those stairs, it'll make you lose weight."
WTF?? I would tell her quite bluntly to knock it the hell off. Regardless of you past issues with an eating disorder, this is completely rude and obnoxious behavior on her part. She sounds like a bully.

Seriously! That's obnoxious! Next time she has a comment like that just look at her and say "could you please stop giving me the unwanted advice on my weight/food/exercise?" If it doesn't stop and is really getting to you then yes, maybe go talk to a superior if you are not comfortable taking the issue up with the co-teacher (although, that should really be your first step). It's borderline harassing if she's constantly making these snide remarks.

OMGimaMRS · May 2011

Wow! I am constantly amazed at how grown women and men (but sadly, mostly women) just have no clue about how to talk to or treat others. Apparently, some folks didn't learn manners as a child. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, especially in your place of employment. But, no one has the right to judge anyone else in this world. None of us are without flaw or fault. If this behavior has been going on for some time, I think the ship has sailed as to "waiting it out" or pulling her aside. Feel free, but if it were me, I would be discussing this with my supervisor. This is a place of business, and personal feelings and emotions aside, her behavior is completely unprofessional and creating a "hostile work environment".

katieisawesome · May 2011

teacher86:
ESquared423:
Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?
She kinda had a deer in headlights look on her face. This isn't the first incident with my co-teacher. She is constantly mentioning weight to me. She walked in the other day and said to me, "I just stepped on the scale and weighed 114 lbs". I eat a lot of salads at lunch, and she told me once, "you should continue eating salad, it'll make you lose weight." I had to go upstairs a lot one day (teacher workday) and she said to me, "you should be happy to go up and down those stairs, it'll make you lose weight."

She is harassing you. You should report her to your supervisor. This is not just socially unacceptable - it is illegal in the workplace.

dmkravig · May 2011

OMGimaMRS:
Wow! I am constantly amazed at how grown women and men (but sadly, mostly women) just have no clue about how to talk to or treat others. Apparently, some folks didn't learn manners as a child. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, especially in your place of employment. But, no one has the right to judge anyone else in this world. None of us are without flaw or fault. If this behavior has been going on for some time, I think the ship has sailed as to "waiting it out" or pulling her aside. Feel free, but if it were me, I would be discussing this with my supervisor. This is a place of business, and personal feelings and emotions aside, her behavior is completely unprofessional and creating a "hostile work environment".

AGREED! She has taken it way to far, its time to let someone know she is actually verbally harassing you, with what seems like every chance she gets, she is a bully, at my job I trust my supervisor. I would feel totally comfortable to talk with the super with a list of some of the things she has said. Its uncalled for and totally inappropriate. But take my option for what its worth, you need to handle it the way you're most comfortable....

LindsaymR · May 2011

Megamuff:
I'd take her aside and mention that you were upset by her insensitivity.

I'd take her aside and punch her!.

I would say something though. Even if she doens't know your whole history you shouldn't have to explain yourself for why you weigh what you do. Tell her you are prowd of your body and she needs to just worry about yourself.

pammieface · May 2011

is something wrong with this woman?? seriously--it sounds like something beyond "rude" to me. it sounds like something is not quite "there," mentally. who says things like that???

sulzkaila · May 2011

LindsaymR:

Megamuff:
I'd take her aside and mention that you were upset by her insensitivity.

I'd take her aside and punch her!.

I would say something though. Even if she doens't know your whole history you shouldn't have to explain yourself for why you weigh what you do. Tell her you are prowd of your body and she needs to just worry about yourself.

LOL!!

But I agree I would take her aside and ask to her to stop first. If she does then I would take it up with the director so then its just not out of the blue.

teacher86 · May 2011

Thanks for all the repsponses! I think I'm going to suck it up until I leave, but if she says anything else I'm going to probably put her on the spot by responding, "why would you say that? Do you realize how that sounded?"

I just needed some reassurance that I'm not crazy. I've been struggling with an ED since the 5th grade, and relapsed last summer (I was eating 500 calories a day and working out 3-4 hours a day). I don't even know how it happened. I'm just coming to terms with the fact that this is a disease, it is not my fault, I am not in control of it, and I will fight it the rest of my life. Kinda sad it took me this long to realize this!

I don't know why I even questioned what she was saying. In the beginning I was embarrassed, but told myself that I'm overweight so I deserve that embarrassment. With this last comment I came home crying to my dh and told him everything. His response was, "what a b*tch." It's going to be reassured by strangers that I'm not crazy, and what she's saying is not appropriate. I was kind of afraid that my director would laugh at me if I told her.

megann831 · May 2011

I've also had some eating issues and have always worked typically around women (I've been an hair dresser and now I'm a teacher). I find between being very aware of healthy eating and exercising and being around women who tend to often be discussing what they're eating and how they're fitting in working out, I talk about it often too. I don't know if I'd make comments about another coworker infront of others, but I don't see the big deal if I was talking to a friend in private. Although I don't discuss it with other coworkers, I regularly in my head take note of what people are eating or doing for exercise and make personal judgements about them. I feel I have enough tact not to discuss it with others, but maybe your coworker doesn't. You don't mention her age, but I'd say it took a good 5 years or so of working full time before I realized that coworkers and friends are 2 very different things. She may have her own issues and not realize that she's being too comfortable with her coworkers.

SunMoon&Stars · May 2011

katieisawesome:
teacher86:
ESquared423:
Wow, that's rude. And what did your mom say?
She kinda had a deer in headlights look on her face. This isn't the first incident with my co-teacher. She is constantly mentioning weight to me. She walked in the other day and said to me, "I just stepped on the scale and weighed 114 lbs". I eat a lot of salads at lunch, and she told me once, "you should continue eating salad, it'll make you lose weight." I had to go upstairs a lot one day (teacher workday) and she said to me, "you should be happy to go up and down those stairs, it'll make you lose weight."

She is harassing you. You should report her to your supervisor. This is not just socially unacceptable - it is illegal in the workplace.

This. Her action are intentional. I do not believe she "doesn't know any better".

I also agree with the PP who said the ship has sailed for discussing the issue directly with the coworker.

Pissed at co-teacher

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