Sex & Romance
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Virgin Bride
What should I expect from my first time with the love of my life and the first time ever. I just want to know if I should expect things to go smoothly or prepare for a bit of ...urm... a bumpy start.
Re: Virgin Bride
It will not go smoothly. It will be painful and you may bleed. H (then bf) and I tried several times without success. We eventually had to go buy lube and use a lot of it, I suggest you have some on hand right away.
Don't expect it to be beautiful and perfect because it won't be.
It depends on how you approach it. Definitely read an accurate and informative book first. Even if you think you know a lot about sex, there's always more to learn! It's especially good if your fiance can read it, too, and then the two of you can discuss it together. At first, talking about sex can seem weird and downright embarrassing, but you can't let that stop you if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with! My husband and I read Intended for Pleasure, which is written from a Christian perspective, but also very informative and helpful.
Second, make sure you discuss with your FI both of your expectations for the wedding night. Some couples (but most often the bride) will be so exhausted from the day's festivities that they are just too worn out to even think about sex. If you think that might happen, make sure you mention it, so your newly minted husband doesn't get confused and frustrated when his bride is less than eager. As an alternative, you could both just snuggle and relax, maybe go over the highlights of the wonderful day you've just had. Then, after some decent shuteye, you'll both hopefully be up for sex.
Third, a sense of humor is absolutely essential! Sex can be sweet, fun, and passionate, but if something happens, (which never can be precisely anticipated) be sure you can laugh it off. Otherwise things can go sour very quickly.
Congratulations on your wedding, and even more so on your marriage! I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and honeymoon!
I was in your shoes last August and IT HURT!
Prepare yourself by trying to relax as much as possible and don't rush into actual sex until you are good and turned on...that helps a lot.
Its been 9 months of sex for us now and things are finally starting to click...don't let each other get discouraged because it isn't perfect immediately.
Since some of the other posts sounds a little scary, I just wanted to add that sex is not necessarily painful for everyone. Sexual excitement will help with the experience and can eliminate the pain, so start with some foreplay (a little dry humping may be all you need). Definitely communicate with each other. Penetration for the first time can hurt, but if you both go slowly and relax, your body will adjust and it can be quite pleasureable even the first time.
My first time wasn't painful at all. I had worked it out in my head to be this big deal that would hurt and i wouldn't enjoy it, but I was suprised how well it went. We were both virgins, so we went VERY slow. I bled a little after and I think I remember feeling a little sore the next day, but otherwise I was fine. Good luck!
Make a pregnancy ticker
I was in the same situation just two months ago! Like everyone said, foreplay helps a lot, talking is essential, and a sense of humor is a must!
Since we were both virgins, it took us several tries on Wedding Night to actually get it right. We both had to laugh over some of the issues we had. My biggest bit of advice is: DON"T RUSH! That's bound to make it more difficult. Just relax and enjoy and let it happen.
In my case, it hurt (we rushed it - not enough foreplay, I think) and I bled (not much though, just light spotting). If this happens to you, no worries, it does get more fun with practice!
Ditto this. It's different for everyone. My first time was pretty pain free. I also had no bleeding or soreness the next day. Like others said, take your time, relax, ease into it and enjoy yourself. Your first time will not be your best time, but it doesn't have to be scary either. Congrats on your marriage!
Wow, I have to wonder how many of the "it didnt hurt" stories are true, unless the hymen was already broken some other way!! If you are a virgin, then the cherry has to be popped !!!
In saying that, its a little stingy, not this awful awful pain!!
Use lube & take it easy! A sense of humor is a must, i agree with that
Why would anyone lie about it? Plenty of women masturbate and explore using penetration prior to sex. Not all women have thick hymen tissue or any at all. A lot of the pain is likely caused by nerves and fear.
This makes me sad. Married or not, why would you feel unsafe?
I was thinking the same exact thing. Most people don't go from a first kiss right to sex. There's a build up over time and the body has time to adjust. Also, the part I bolded is a true fact that I think a lot of people (especially those who bled a lot their first time) are not aware of.
This was me 10 months ago! Things are maybe starting to click. It did hurt! What I was most surprised about was the mess after. have a towel near by as when he does go, it does not just stay inside. We both kinda just thought that it would be absorbed into my body or something, but it doesn't and makes a big mess. Relax, and I am going to go with the person that said have lube on hand. It will get REALLY uncomfortable if you don't produce enough moisture to have everything run smoothly.
Also just from my experience, I had a noon wedding, came home, and I was so tired from everything, that yes we did snuggle a bit, and try unsuccessfully, but my body was just not in the right state of mind. I was asleep by 7, had to do after wedding festivities the next day, and on our honeymoon was when we really got to enjoy each other...with me well rested. Our friends were teasing my husband for being on Facebook on his wedding night. I think I read that same book that was mentioned above by the Christian author. It was good, it was given to us by my grand parents as a wedding gift. (glad they mailed it and we didn't open it in front of people). Reading it before the wedding together would have been great.
Congratulations on your wedding! Take it slow and relax, and everything will be just fine!
I was in your shoes just over 3 years ago. Expect it to be a little bumpy and uncomfortable at times... Don't feel rushed or like you have to jump straight into it. Shower together, give each other a massage, relax and explore each other. You have the rest of your lives for this!
For me it was painful but not terrible... stay as relaxed as you can. Tensing up will actually make it hurt more. If you're worried about it you can ask your OBGYN to cut it for you so it doesn''t have to tear, or you can use a little orajel to numb that part... just wipe away the excess and wait a minute so it doesn't numb your DH out. That would be counterproductive.
I wanted to PM you to tell you more but I can't figure out how to! If you do, you're more than welcome to PM me!
My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night too.... It was absolutely hilarious.
In fact, nearly every time we have sex now, we think about that first time and laugh.
It didn't hurt me; he was gentle, lol. I didn't bleed (except that I started my period that night.. figures, right?)
The funniest thing was that neither of us really knew what we were doing, so he ended up in all different kinds of positions, at all different speeds...
But anyway. Like I said. Absolutely hilarious.
Take your time and keep it simple. There's plenty of time for hot and steamy later. My DH and I were both virgins on our wedding night and I was so nervous that I giggled the whole time (he still makes fun of me for it). It was definitely not sexy, and looking back on it he probably wondered what he was doing that was so funny. Lol, but he was so sweet though and we just took our time.
Our premarital counselor gave us some really good advice: Communicate. If you're not comfortable with something, tell him. If you need to slow down, let him know. He can't read your mind and won't know what you're thinking or feeling.