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Epic novel insde re: RE (haha, re: re)
Ok. So. I met with the RE yesterday and it basically just didn?t pan out like I had hoped. My ob/gyn and I left off with her recommending a cycle of just Clomid, though she felt I should move on to see an RE for that. She recommended a specific RE to me, which is one of the most common RE?s in the area. But I did some research and asked around and inquired about a different RE. She said she had recommended people to that practice as well and that it would be fine if I wanted to see them instead, which is who I ended up seeing yesterday. They were supposed to be awesome with great bedside manners.
First, she threw out everything I thought I knew about TTC. Not EVERYTHING, but a lot of it. She told me to stop temping, which I actually was just about ready to do. My cycles are average, I O around the normal/average time, there?s simply nothing extraordinary about my cycles that temping helps to clue me in on, so I was ok with her suggestion since I was going to do it anyways, once FF gave me my CH?s for this cycle (which FF did this morning). She then went on to tell me that the strategy of temping is really for the sake of contraception, not for conceiving-that it was created by the Catholic Church to be used instead of BC & condoms (which I knew for the most part). She informed me that the temp rise that everyone is looking for in order to confirm O doesn?t mean what we think it means-that some people O the day before a temp shift, some the day of, and some the day after, and that the variables that can impact and alter a morning temp are so great that it?s hard to really be accurate, even when following the rules (i.e., open windows; heavy/light blankets; etc etc). I gave her the biggest blank stare EVER. Sidenote: I talked to a friend who said that she had often wondered if this was true because she gets so many days of +OPKs and that she gets a temp shift and still more +OPKs so..maybe this is true. I have no idea. I am just passing along what she told me.
So at this point my mind = blown, but I?m ok. I was going to give up temping anyways.
We didn?t really go through much more than my medical records. There was no ?how often are you having timed intercourse? ?what are you doing throughout your cycle? kinds of questions. After we ran through my medical history she went on to give me an official dx of unexplained infertility. Ouch. I thought we had to be at it for 12 months before that term could really be official, but whatever. We?re nearly there anyways.
However, she started to lose me when she informed me that her suggested treatment plan/next step would be IUI?s. I inquired about simply doing Clomid first and she went on a rant about how she doesn?t believe Clomid is a fertility drug and shouldn?t be used for people that don?t have PCOS (which, I don?t). When I informed her that I?m just not certain we have the funds to do IUI?s (and I don?t want to hear about your stupid payment plans), she asked what my ob/gyn had wanted me to do. When I told her she wanted me on Clomid, she said she would speak to my ob/gyn and possibly reconsider her suggested treatment plan. At this point I could feel the tears welling up. We are definitely NOT opposed to invasive treatment, but I don?t think either one of us want to open that gate until it?s been 12+ months. I also began to feel a bit judged by the RE. She started going on about the side effects of Clomid and kept asking me if I knew that. I told her that I did. She got all ?So you KNOW that there is an increased risk of Ovarian Cancer?? I nodded. ?And do you KNOW how many months you can take Clomid before that risk doubles?? I just shrugged, told her I knew you couldn?t take Clomid for very long and I thought it was 3 or 6 months. ?It?s TWELVE months, TWELVE is the answer.? Christ lady, way to be condescending.
Basically, I was hoping that even if this month fails (as history tells me it will) we would have a plan of attack for next month. But?no. I should call them on cd1 to let them know and then call them the morning I get a +OPK so that they can get me in for an u/s and b/w. She wants to do cd21/7dpo b/w again to check my progesterone, which I sort of argued with her about since I?ve already done it. I get that you want to confirm lady, but this is my money you?re working with here and I just had that b/w done in March and there were no problems with it. I left in tears and totally disheartened that there will likely not be a plan of attack for next month and that she hadn?t offered something before IUI?s. I talked with my face2face group last night and they asked why a timed intercourse cycle with trigger shots hadn?t been suggested, and I had no idea why. I guess it would have to do with my DX in part, but I really don?t know.
I think it?s just a clash of POV?s with this RE. They also gave me a huge list of things not to do, and I told them I simply couldn?t comply with that list 100%. I will not act like I am pregnant if I am not pregnant. I?ve done that, it?s a loss of life that I just can?t put up with anymore. It makes me dwell more. They got super pissed when I told them I would not act like a pregnant woman until I am actually pregnant, but I don?t care. I have placed a call to my ob/gyn (she is out until Friday) to let her know how it went and see what she says about it. My mother is suggesting I go back to her, do Clomid for a month unmonitored to see what happens. I know it should be monitored, that?s what 328731818678 have told me. But then, those same people told me that temp shifts matter, so I?m very conflicted. I don?t want to put myself in harms way for the sake of getting a BFP. DH & I didn?t get a chance to talk in length about it last night, but I think we would prefer to stick with our current (failing) plan of doing this on our own until we?ve hit a year, unless someone wants to provide us with a treatment of meds that is not invasive. We?re just not at a point where we feel going the invasive route is appropriate, we just don?t want to jump the gun.
I swear to baby jesus, this cycle better work. We had more sex this cycle than we ever have and FF gave us high chances. If this fails, maybe I?ll be that desperate to reconsider IUI?s earlier than a year, since bumping up our sexy time sessions didn?t do the trick either, but I?ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
And that?s my epic novel.
Re: Epic novel insde re: RE (haha, re: re)
Holy epic novel is right, but it was post that I actually wanted to read :-P First, has your H been tested for his swimmers?
If you don't like this RE, why not visit the other suggested one and see what s/he has to say. But reading through your post, there was a lot I actually agreed with this RE on, except her condescending attitude. That wasn't necessary, but unfortunately doctors sometimes find it hard to see each individual patient as a person rather than a patient.
I agree with her about the temping and FF. I was wary of FF since the first time I heard about it on these boards. I don't think it's an effective method on contraception and your RE made some good points of O'ing vs. temp.
It was my understanding that infertility was diagnosed between six and twelve months, so you'd be on track for that and I'm sorry about your diagnosis. That really hurts.
I also agree with her about the clomid, though.
Anyway, I hope you keep us updated with what you decide to do.
On a somewhat related side note, it bothers me how people come to boards on the nest/bump looking for med advice. On the sex board the other day someone posted something like "I went to the gyn today and she told me this, what do you think," and everyone disagreed with the gyn. I asked H who is specializing in gyn and he agreed w/ the dr. I don't understand why you would trust 10 Internet strangers over your doctor who spent 10+ years in med school.
I know it's easy to read the boards and see that 100% of posters are agreeing on certain things to help you get PG (like the O temp thing) but I will always choose a doctor over these boards, especially in cases like unexplained fertility and PCOS, where the issues are just so different from the average woman trying to get KU.
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BFP 02/2010 m/c 03/17/2010 dx PCOS 04/2010
BFP 08/13/2011 CP 08/15/2011
BFP 09/16/2011 EDD 05/20/2012
Claire Elizabeth, born 5/30 via a med free birth
Oh, and just to throw it out there, my OB/GYN said the same thing. It is helpful for people like me who have ridiculously long cycles to help get an IDEA of when O is, but in no way do the crosshairs represent the true O date.
BFP 02/2010 m/c 03/17/2010 dx PCOS 04/2010
BFP 08/13/2011 CP 08/15/2011
BFP 09/16/2011 EDD 05/20/2012
Claire Elizabeth, born 5/30 via a med free birth
Thing is, it's all professional opinion from what I can tell. There are so many doctors that encourage charting and want to see your charts before they will really help you. There are doctors that will RX Clomid. It just depends on the doctor. My ob/gyn was fine with RX'ing me Clomid, she felt that was an appropriate next step before having to head for invasive procedures.
I will probably call the other RE that my ob/gyn suggested. But I want to speak to her first. I don't really prefer to have male doctors, simply because I find it hard to believe that they can be 150% compassionate because at the end of the day they cannot relate. Not ever. The other RE that she wanted me to see is a male doctor who is also located in Baby Central Hospital, USA. Two strikes right there. I'm told his bedside manners are crap. Third strike. However, I'm not exactly on a winning streak of doctors as it is.
Unexplained Infertility is officially termed after 12 months. We're on 9 months. So we're close. It wasn't her diagnosis that bothered me, it was her jumping right in to invasive procedures instead of discussing trigger shots and injections first. I don't look kindly upon doctors that skip right to insisting expensive procedures first without exploring other options first. She gave me a look like I wasn't willing to do what I had to for baby, and I didn't appreciate that either.
Temping didn't matter too much for me because I don't have cycles that are of any note, really. So I have no problem with ditching temping. And I actually read BOOKS, I wasn't basing all of my knowledge off of internet forums. So, there's that.
At the end of the day, it's just too soon for us to begin saving our pennies for IUI's and IVF's. I'll be finding a new doctor, one that might have a tinge of compassion.
That makes sense! Had I known that, I probably wouldn't have bothered with temping. Though it was beneficial for me to see how my temps rise and fall. If nothing else, it was informative to an extent.
Like I said, I know nothing about TTC... but I'm an avid blog reader and when you mentioned Clomid I thought it sounded familiar, and that's because I read about it here:
http://www.heatherdriveblog.com/2010/03/baby-fever.html
Apparently, it worked really well for her.
Thanks, I'll check it out!!
Oh, and I forgot to reiterate that we have both been through all basic testing. Everything checks out fine, in some cases more than fine. DH has 263 mill swimmers per whatever they measure it in, they simply want to see ideally over 100 mill, but definitely over 20 mill (less than 20 mill is IF). Crap on a cracker-you mean to tell me that not ONE of those guys can figure out where he's going???
Oh, I skimmed her blog real quick. Clomid was necessary in her situation because she wasn't ovulating. Clomid is a drug that induces ovulation, which is why the RE doesn't want to give it to me (I ovulate on my own already, it would create a super ovulation in my case). So she needed it. I don't need it. Hence why we're in this predicament. I don't need Clomid, but need invasive treatment? Does this actually make any sense?
Ouch. I disagree completely. My H has compassion for all his patients. And for the record, he *can* relate because he has to deal with me. :'(
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But not exactly, because he has no idea what a menstrual cycle feels like, what cramps feel like, what ovulation pain feels like, what anything female related actually feels like. He relates because he sees you go through it, but he can't feel what you feel. That's just fact. I'm sure he is compassionate, but my experience has yet to find me a male gyn that holds the same compassion that my female gyn has had. Though, in all fairness, I have had sh!thead female gyn's as well.
I would totally do this - it sounds like you and the RE were on totally different pages.
I'm sorry this was so frustrating
Hopefully you'll just get KTFU this cycle and not have to worry about REs at all!
January 2, 2010
EDD October 10, 2013
I don't think it matters. What if your oncologist never had cancer? Your urologist never had a kidney stone? Your dermatologist never had embarrassing acne in high school? Your dentist never had a root canal? Your psychiatrist never had depression?
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I think it ultimately comes down to what YOU are ready for. If you and DH are not ready for IUI, find a new RE. If you want to try Clomid, TI, injections/triggers, then there will be an RE who is willing to try that with you.
My OB wants to prescribe me Clomid to use on month 3/cycle 2 (because of PCOS). I am just not ready to do that. I would like to try getting KU with no intervention first. We will see...
Good luck finding someone and something that works for you.
BFP 02/2010 m/c 03/17/2010 dx PCOS 04/2010
BFP 08/13/2011 CP 08/15/2011
BFP 09/16/2011 EDD 05/20/2012
Claire Elizabeth, born 5/30 via a med free birth
It's just a personal preference. If I'm going to be discussing things so personal as the inner workings of my vag and ute, then I prefer that the person I am speaking to knows what it is like to have a vag and a ute. That's all. I would probably hesitate before seeing a Podiatrist that was born without feet as well. You're talking about conditions that someone may or may not have had, and I am referring to body parts that someone has never had. We just have different feelings about it, simple as that.
Yes, I will likely be seeing a new RE. It's just depressing because it takes at least 3 weeks before you can be seen (some RE's are more like 6 weeks), and by then I'll be on my next cycle so all plans of attack will go in to effect for July. That seems so far away. Ugh.
my blog
Ohhhh well.... I tried lol... see I told you I know nothing about this stuff!
lots of hugs for you CCH
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry you didn't mesh well with her. That must be so frustrating. I always have my fingers crossed for you,and I really hope it happens soon.
As far as all of the other stuff, I'm slowly learning all about it, so I don'' thave much of an opinion on it, but I'd expect them to give you another option before IUI.
goodluck.
Thank you for the blog link, just the same! It's nice to know that there are others out there fighting this fight!
I'm feeling better about it all today. I'm going to wait for my ob/gyn to call me back on Friday and see if she'll revert back to her original offer of a cycle or two of clomid with her. I'm hoping that if this job comes through for DH that I'll be able to focus on something else to make TTC a bit less dwell worthy.
Thanks for the support, ladies!