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Unmotivated sister, WWYD?
My sister is 28 years old with an 8 year old daughter. She was renting a place from our grandmother, but was kicked out because she wasn't paying her rent. She had a good paying job, but due to relationship problems, didn't feel like going to work for a few weeks and was fired. She is now unemployed and living with our parents. She has been unemployed for almost 6 months, which means she has no health insurance for herself or her daughter. She also has not attempted to look for a new job.at.all. I feel like I should talk to her about why she is not motivated to take care of herself and/or her daughter, but at the same time I feel like she is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions, albeit not always good ones.
I also feel bad for my parents who are now basically raising their grand-daughter. They are nearing retirement age and I would imagine they were looking forward to relaxing and traveling, but they are now forced to take care of the two of them.
What would you do or say to someone like this?
Re: Unmotivated sister, WWYD?
This. And I would stay out of it.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
I have a sister like that, and that is why my husband and I are raising her son and my parents are raising her daughter. We choose to take care of the two children because we want. However, I refuse to take care of her.
She lives with my grandparents now, who are 87 or 89, (long story) and 73. My Grandfather has always enabled her, now she cannot stand on her own to feet. We tried to tell him but he does not listen. All you can do is try to show your niece a positive role model. My niece tells me all the time I do not want to be like my Mom, I want to be like you TeTe, I want to go to college and get a good job. I cannot change her Mom, but I can me the best TeTe to her and her brother.
In my opinion her Mom is a lost cause, however, her two oldest children will be something amazing. I am happy with that.
If your sister is too lazy and irresponsible to realize on her own that she needs to shape up, then a lecture from you won't make her see the light.
And ditto PP that your parents are enabling her, but again there's nothing you can do about that. They're not "forced" to take care of your sister and niece ... they CHOOSE to do so. And your sister knows that she can be as lazy as she wants because Mommy and Daddy will be there to take care of them.
Unless your niece is being abused or neglected, stay out of it. If your niece is in danger from her mother's actions, then get the authorities involved. Otherwise, like PP said, be a positive role model for her and hopefully she will turn out differently than your sister.
She should be able to get medical insurance for her chilld. Each state has a program.
Are you sure she is not motivated or could she be depressed?
Is it possible to ask her how the progress is going? Ask her if she needs any help? Maybe her answers will help you decide to say anything or to stay out of it.
Agreed. Has she always been this way, or is it a new development? Especially if it's new, talk to her about what's going on and how she's feeling. Don't lecture; just ask questions. She might be lazy/unmotivated, or she might just need some help getting herself back on track.
Ifyou think this is stemming from something like depression, definately talk to her.
If you think she's actually just not motivated, what would talking to her accomplish?
I was also thinking your sister might suffer from depression. Even though she has no insurance, she might benefit from seeing a doctor.
I would not feel sorry for your parents. They are making a choice. They could just as easily say "we will take your dd, but you are on your own until you seek treatment or get a job."
I agree with the other posters about your parents. This is something they have chosen to do, I can't see it working out well for you if you get involved in it.
I would probably find out information about the state health plan that the kids may qualify for and ask your sister if you can help her with anything to get it going for the kids. They need healthcare and maybe a push from you and your help would at least get that going. I would leave the rest of it alone.
I don't agree with what others have said in regards to staying out of it. IMO I think you have every right to talk to her about why she feels unmotivated. Maybe she just needs to vent to someone before she can pick up the pieces and move on with her life. Maybe something is just holding her back, or she's worried about failing again. Having an honest discussion with her can't hurt. If anything, it may give you more insight into what she may be dealing with.
As for your parents, it's easy for us to sit here and say they should give her an ultimatum. Doing that in real life is much, much harder. Talk to them about it and help them see that they are enabling your sister. Sometimes it takes an "outsiders" perspective to really see things for what they are.