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My sister has done it again!
My "darling" older sister (in her mid 30's and the black sheep of the family), whom I love very much, has done it again. She's officially embarrassed and upset me all at once.
We live in neighboring states, about a 6 hour drive, from one another. She texts me last week to tell me she is going to drive to come visit me for Memorial Day weekend. I was very happy to have her visit as I have not seen her in a while, so I tell my DH and his parents. I try calling her repeatedly over the weekend to no avail. I try texting and only get a couple random responses that don't answer my questions.
Finally, I call my other sister (who lives near her), to ask her to have my older sister call me. She tells me that my older sister is only coming out to visit me because some guy that she is sleeping with is apparently working somewhere near me in another city. She also tells me that my older sister wasn't even planning to spend that much time with me and thought she may just "pass by" for a "couple hours." I was really confused, but whatever. I still gave my older sister the benefit of the doubt.
Since older sis still hasn't called me, later that day, I call my mother (who also lives near my older sister). My mother warns me not to even believe or get my hopes up that my older sister is coming to visit because she is apparently low on cash and the guy who she is coming to see is always promising to do things with her, but never comes through. OK, fine...
I just don't understand why my sister feels the need to pull me into this "plan" of hers. Now I had to break the news to my DH about my sister once again being a jerk and that she probably isn't even coming to visit me, and even if she is it's basically because of some booty call and not because she is interested in seeing me. It's so embarrassing and I can't believe I let her take me for a ride. I should know by now that this is the way she is.
Re: My sister has done it again!
Have you ever heard Einstein's definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Stop expecting your sister to suddenly morph in to a person who thinks and acts like a normal adult. Once you adjust your expectation to a level that is more realistic, you will find yourself less frequently "embarrassed and upset"
I think you need to learn from your sisters past actions.
If you try to text/phone/email her (once or twice, not multiple times!) and she doesn't respond, clean the guest room, but don't make any additional plans for her visit. Plan your memorial day as if she were not coming (including any day-long plans with H or his parents, if you enjoy their company!).
If she shows up and you are not home, text/tell her "so sorry, I didn't know you were coming by at this time. We're out. You'll just have to find something to do until I get back at 8 pm." Or whatever.
If she comes in the morning and you are on your way out, "hi sis, we're going to the beach. I can't really let you stay in the house by yourself (if you don't want her and her new bf fvcking on your marital bed) - you can wear shorts / borrow one of my swimsuits. Get ready in 15 minutes, we don't want to have to drive forever looking for parking."
I'm not sure you are embarressed. She is the one acting like a clod.
Your sis does these things b/c she can get away with it. You will be a LOT happier if you live your life as if she weren't coming, then refuse to change your plans last minute b/c she failed to communicate.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You should only be embarressed if you revolve your weekend around her possible visit. Having a family member that is a jerk happens to many people, you are not alone!
Make plans for your weekend. If your sis calls you, tell her "I wish you had called me sooner. I will be doing ABC at that time. I'll be free at X time - make sure you are at my place by then, because I will be going out later and can't stay home all day for you."
If she doesn't call, you've already made plans and she can't ruin them.
Tell your h to be the strong one for you.
I agree w/ all PPs. If she says she would like to visit and you would like that, then I would suggest you say, "That sounds like a great idea sister." and leave it at that. Until she proves herself otherwise, I wouldn't put much stock in her visit/words.
Why are you calling her so much and calling the rest of your family to get in touch with her? You are wasting your time trying to force your sister to be something she isn't. It's probably best to see her for what she is and stop having expectations that she is going to change or magically become something you already know that she is not.
I ask because I think a lot of people, ONLY in the name of family, try to fit square pegs into round holes, and they want to believe they have this great family who they love "so much" - but when it comes down to it, if they hadn't been born into the same family, they'd probably never have anything to do w/ one another....
I may be in the minority on this, and maybe it's because of my own family, but I actually think there is nothing wrong w/ saying "Eh- we're related but I really don't like ___ all that much.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with you. I think people miss the fact that love is earned in relationships, including with your family members. A lot of people just assume "love" comes with blood relationship, but I do not think that is the case.
against the grain here...I don't see too much wrong with her combining a date and a visit to you, wouldn't you be upset if she was in town and didn't come by to say hi. And she hasn't blown you off yet, your mom and sister are predicting it...and the fact that you've all talked about it seems a bit gossipy to me.
Since she hasn't called you...don't revolve your weekend around her, make plans and once you do hear from her, try to fit her into your existing plans as best as you can
It sounds like she was just putting the idea in your head in case it all worked out for her and she needed somewhere to crash while she gets her booty calls.
Either way, stop investing so much hope into her. Live your life, don't prepare for her at all, and if she does show up, don't expect much from her. Life for you will be much happier that way.
This!
it might just be me but I dont' see anything wrong with combining a trip to see you and a guy she's seeing.
I also dont know why you're calling everyone short of the pope asking why she hasn't called yuo back. how would they know?
send her a text. tell her your schedule for the weekend and tell her since you haven't heard from her after repeated attempts you're not sure when she'll be there. i'd also add something along the lines of 'if you're staying at my house let me know otherwise i'll assume you'e made other arrangements'.
This is pretty much what I was thinking. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape yet. So far, she just hasn't answered your texts. Since she's flighty, is it possible her phone got shut off or something?