Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Controversial decision ahead. Want to weigh in?
This cycle isn't looking successful. No need for "sorry's." It is what it is. We're planning for try #3 which may or may not involve me. They haven't fully decided.
If it does, most likely 4 embryos will be transferred. Long story short, most of her embryos are likely no good due to age. Half of them (three) didn't take and there are only 4 left. There may be one good one in the bunch. Maybe (improbably) two. The rest are probably not good. However sometimes God works in mysterious ways and we need to be prepared for that too.
The contract calls for selective reduction (their choice - please no flames) if three and above stick. The question we're deciding on is:
In the event that we need to reduce, if it were you, would you reduce to one, or to twins so that in case one doesn't make it or has chromosomal abnormality, they still take home one child?
-One healthy child is the goal.
-Obviously I'm not crazy about twins but am willing to help them meet their goal as best as I can because adoption isn't an option for them. This is kind of "it." We do have a solid plan in place just in case but it would still put a strain on our family.
-The risks of abnormalities are higher because of the parents' age.
-Obviously all of their babies could be perfectly normal too.
Additionally, if your answer is that you wouldn't reduce, I completely understand. However that is not an option here. With all due respect, that's not what I'm asking. 
BTW: I have an opinion but I want to get alternate points of view to make sure I've thought of everything.
Re: Controversial decision ahead. Want to weigh in?
Would reducing to two make it less likely that either one of them would be really strong & healthy? If not, I would reduce to two, or if you don't want to do that, I would see if they want to switch. I wouldn't blame you either way.
ETA: Out of curiosity related to my own age/fertility, how old is she?
Reducing shouldn't affect the others health as long as they're in separate sacs. (no identical twins) I've had twins and lost one with the remaining baby being totally healthy and unaffected. (thank goodness)
Anything over 35 is considered "Advanced Maternal Age." She's older than that.
I don't really understand the mechanics of everything involved with surrogacy, selective reduction, or any of the infertility treatments. Since I'm not really sure what's involved, I can't really weigh in from that perspective.
However, I'm with LittleBug and say that if this is their only chance, they should go with twins if they want more than one child.
You need to take into account how your body will be affected and how your family will have to adjust.
Good luck with your decision.
No opinion. It sounds like they know what they want and only you know what you and your body can handle.
I wish everyone a lot of luck and sending good vibes... there is always a plan ... if this isn't it for them then the blessing of a child can come from several other methods. We have been blessed through adoption - we considered surrogacy but it wasn't right for us (maybe in the future).
To most people I would say reduce to one just simply because handling two toddlers and a twin pregnancy sounds impossible. However, knowing how strong you are and how well you handle parenting I think retaining twins is a viable option. It increases their odds of having at the very least one healthy child while not necessarily making it less likely to have a healthy child due to twins as could happen with higher order multiples.
Either way, I think God has a plan for all of you that will have a positive outcome in the end!
I can't even begin to imagine what you and the parents are going through- but you are all in my daily prayers. I would choose to go the 'twins' route.
Also- forgive me as I am completely clueless when it comes to this subject, but what about donor eggs? If adoption isn't feasible, would donor eggs be?
In your shoes, I would reduce to twins, in the off chance that you lose one. I think that there is a good chance of that, given the fact that you lost a twin with your pregnancy with Katen.
I know, when it comes to ivf, everyone says to only put back the number you are willing to carry. This is the exception to the rule, in my opinion. And, personally, this is the exception to the rule of reduction.
Out of curiosity, what will they do if there is no baby from these eggs? If adoption isn't an option, is using donor eggs or embryo adoption? If that's too personal, tell me to shut up
That is a difficult choice. I think I'm with everyone else and I would reduce to 2 in your situation.
Hugs to you! I know you will make the decision that is best for everyone involved. You are a wonderful person for doing this!
I specifically picked this board because there's a good mix of those who have and those who have not been through infertility. That gives me a better mix of answers.
Thanks for your confidence in me. lol! I do my best. That's all anyone can do. I do whole heartedly agree that God has a plan. I just need to have faith and let Him have this. That has guided my previous decisions as well.
I actually spoke with K about eggs today. I offered my own if they ran out of options. I was scared to death of offending her, but she was receptive to the idea. M is South African and the idea of not having a child with his DNA is unacceptable to him. Whether we agree or not, we have to respect that decision.
There is so much riding on this next cycle. It's going to be important that I find a way to act on the pressure in a positive way.
I would reduce to twins because while a twin pregnancy carries more risk than a singleton, it's still relatively "safe" and common. Especially, considering the circumstance with the old eggs.
Feel free to not answer my question, but what are the plans if the fetus does have abnormalities?
Depending on the abnormalities, they will most likely abort.
When going into the decisions like that, I take the stance that this is their child and not mine. What they do with their child may or may not be what I would do with my child, but it's not my place to sway the decision that they have spent so much time contemplating. If that makes sense.
Twins.
Wow this is heavy stuff. God bless everyone involved.
It absolutely makes sense, I can't image having the strength it would take to be in any of your shoes.
First off, bless you for taking the stance you have with regard to the decisions they make regarding reduction and aborting. It is such a heavy burden to have to consider those sort of options and it would take a very strong person to put their own views aside, whatever they be, and to be the vessel for the bio parents decision. They are very lucky to have you as their surrogate.
As for my opinion, I'd go for 2. If you end up with one healthy baby in the end its a win but I don't really see how the prospect of two healthy babies wouldn't be a win either. Obviously my view may be a bit slanted due to the fact I have twins but I think if I were trying desperately to have A child and the opportunity arose to potentially have two I would go for it. The idea of twins is very scary and overwhelming with regard to pregnancy and the thought of caring for two newborns at once, but you would be amazed at what we are capable of when we actually get down to it. You and the bio parents have a lot of heavy decisions on your shoulders and I can't imagine the stress that must bring.
Twin pregnancy can obviously be more difficult than carrying one child but depending on your health it may not be that bad. I never would have thought I could have carried twins but obviously I was wrong. I know of singleton pregnancies that have wreaked havoc and twins who were carried to 40 weeks and the mom was still getting out and about til the day they were born. Everybody's experience is different and you and your doctor have the best idea of how your body would handle twins.
Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement ladies. I never thought I'd be making these decisions and certainly not for someone else's kid(s).
lol! This topic caused quite a stir on my blog. Lots of moderation going on. You ladies, on the other hand, handled it beautifully. (As I knew you would.) Thanks again! You rock.
I would reduce to twins. I know it does cause some extra health concern for you and your family but this is their last shot at kids and like you said, they are older and the risk of abnormality is much increased. They've invested so much it would be nice for them to have at least one healthy child.
I think what you and your family are doing is absolutely amazing. It comes with no small sacrifice on your part so I just wanted to express how much I admire you for it.