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Why is my family so dramatic?! :/
*sigh* my family
.....I was frantically called over the weekend about my dad. I posted earlier in the week about the drama w/ my aunt which has now gotten worse even w/out me talking to her. She told everyone my dad couldn't be left alone, he wasn't responding to anything she was saying, not eating, falling over and I needed to get down here.
OK, my dad needs me I'm there. I'm actually here right now. Here's the thing....he's doing better than I was told. He's walking fine but tired, lots of sleeping. Eating -granted not as much as I would like but getting around 1000 cal/day. He could be SO much worse and by no means dying like it was explained to me.
I literally had to drop everything, give my job no notice and leave w/out a return date b/c everything was exaggerated. I was making plans to be here by Tues so I could get everything in order. By doing that I was considered uncaring and a horrible person who was leaving her father to die alone. After 4 hours of fighting w/ my mom I gave in and here I am. I couldn't take it anymore.
My dad is sick, he has cancer....everyone is driving him crazy calling all the time w/ a billion questions. Right now he just wants left alone and I can honestly understand that...I can't say I would be any different if I was in his shoes.
I'm so irritated that no one is respecting either of our feelings about how to handle everything. I know they are scared as hell about his health...I am too. But whats right for them isn't necessarily the right thing for him. I'm expected to get down here and push their wishes on him. I just can't do that. I want what he wants, its really that simple.
So here I am with a dad thats glad to see me but not understanding as to why, extraordinary expectations from my family and a life they have decided for both of us. I'm exhausted and I've been here 24 hrs. I don't know how I'm going to do this indefinitely 
Re: Why is my family so dramatic?! :/
I'm confused - do your mom and dad live apart? Why isn't your mom responsible for your dad, and if she isn't, how is it her business what your relationship is with him? I would just hang up the phone when she calls.
I do think you can use this time to put some safeguards in place for your dad's health and well-being. Are there any social services that can come 1x per day to check up on him? Is he well enough to understand that you can be his point person - but if that is the case, he NEEDS to contact you once per day so that you can see if he is ok? If you are his contact, he can ignore your mom and his sister.
I'm sorry you and your dad are going through this. I hate drama. I can't imagine being sick and having someone else's drama determine my day-to-day life. Nightmare!
Sorry to hear that your dad is sick.
I bolded the part above because I wanted to tell you that YOU are the only one who can make decisions for yourself. You are allowing your family to make decisions for you. Take some control in your life. You are making choices in your life to leave your job, your family isn't doing it for you. The world will not explode if you do not do what they "expect" you to do. What gives them the right to dictate what you do anyways? Just because they are your blood relation?
I agree w/ Suebear, where is your mother in all of this?
My mother...well, they have been divorced for 20 years now. And honestly they were only in contact occasionally in regards to me while I was growing up. She started checking in w/ him right around when my grandma passed last year and is doing so more and more each day. I think that since I moved to WA she felt she had to? Now my aunt and a family friend have her very involved w/ his day to day. Its great that she is reaching out to him and of course she still cares but as I told her yesterday she signed away that responsibility years ago.
Yes I agree...I am the one to make decisions for myself. And I absolutely plan to. I love my dad tremendously and of course want to be here for him when HE needs me. Everyone is thinking my trip here is indefinite and that I'm going to move into his new place w/ him. NOT happening! The reason I flew in so quickly the other day is b/c it was told to me that they didn't think he would be alive in a few weeks. The comments to me were so harsh its unbelieveable.
My current plan is to stay here a couple of weeks and take care of a couple things to prepare him to move. My boyfriend is flying here now so he can help out and so we can both spend some time w/ him. If my dad is truely depressed my hope is that seeing me happy will help to a degree. Yesterday was awkward to say the least...we barely spoke. All I want is my dad to be happy. I know my approach isn't what everyone else down here would do but it works for both of us. Its just difficult to be attacked by everyone about it.
It sounds like the aunt and family friend are overwhelmed and need help and are willing to go to your mom or over-dramatize the problem to you thinking that's how they'll get relief. Honestly, it's a question of who really is responsible for dad?
Maybe you can arrange drop-in care for him or some other sort of care service?
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I'm sure they are overwhelmed...why wouldn't they be, ya know? I just wish they whole thing could've been handled differently.
He's just finished his will and living will over the weekend. No poa or social worker though. I'm going to look into some type of hospice care for when I'm not here
Dup.
I think you need to give yourself permission to take over. You are now present. You see the exaggerations, the fears, and the expectations. You also seem ready and willing to take command for next steps.
So do it.
And keep doing it. Until it is over. Which is so sad, I can't imagine. And accept the love and support that people want to give ... reject the negative. Really. Without guilt.
Then forgive yourself for not being perfect. Then pray. Hard.
It's okay to pray hard.
Wow. It sounds like you and your dad are giving way too much power to others.
1) What is your dad's prognosis? My dad passed away from cancer a little over three years ago, and oncologists are able to give extremely accurate timelines about these things.
2) Is your dad staying in the house he lived in with your grandparents? Does your aunt (or others) have access to the house? If that is the case, your control is a bit limited, but I see no reason why you have to answer the phone or doorbell every time it rings. Your father wants rest and peace. Take the phone off the hook and put a sign on the door asking not to be disturbed. Your dad is very sick, so you are the buffer between a bunch of pushy people and your dad. It may be uncomfortable for you, but just do it. Once your father is gone you can be rid of all these dramatic people once and for all, so who cares about stepping on toes or giving in to expectations?
3) It's good he's getting his affairs in order. As far as his estate, you should be able to retain your own attorney so you have to have no interaction with your aunt during that process. Someone besides your aunt should be made executor or administrator of the will.
4) Block your aunt on facebook. Be civil to her (for your dad's sake) until he's gone, and then make a clean break. She sounds like a lunatic.
I think your family does sound dramatic, but I think you're playing a role in all this. You're giving them way too much power.