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Not feeling like myself today
Hello Ladies,
It has been awhile since I have posted, but today I really needed to get back to what makes me feel normal. So I came to you all. I am now about 19 weeks pregnant and my SIL just recently had her 2nd miscarriage. I feel horrible. I think about it all the time. I feel like I have become the pink elephant in the room whenever they are around. B and SIL have become so angry at the world it is hard for me to even talk to them without it turning into an argument about their situation (even when I try to keep the conversation light and about nonsense). To make things worse my sister is now 9 weeks pregnant. I worry all the time, I am sad, and guilty. Yes I have even felt on occasion that they wish I wasn't pregnant. Today I just feel drained. We got into the biggest argument yet yesterday and I spent a lot of time crying over it and today I have been trying to think of nice things to do for them. I just want to be excited for myself, and not think about this anymore. It can't be healthy for my own pregnancy to bring all this anger and frustration in all the time.
I don't know what to do. I need to do something that is going to make me happy, but still show that I care.
Any suggestions???
Re: Not feeling like myself today
While their situation is heartbreaking, try not to let it ruin your pregnancy experience. I'm sure they are upset, angry, depressed, etc. Just try to be as supportive as possible. It's all you really can do. I'm sure they don't wish you were pregnant (though I can see how their hardship may come across that way.) Just try to be supportive, and try not to stress yourself out over it. Keeping yourself healthy and relaxed is important right now too.
Sorry you have to go through this.
This.
My best friend and I were due about a week apart and she found out at her 12 wk appt that she miscarried at 8 wks. She had to wait another week to have the D&C and is still waiting for her body to get "back to normal". While it's not family, this girl is like a sister to me, and we've been going through similar rough patches where she gets really upset some days, but there is one thing that keeps our friendship good while keeping us both okay with what's going on: communication. She tells me what she wants to know, whats too much, when she needs time to herself, etc. It works because we are both honest, and we respect the need for the other to have their own emotions.
I read your post on Oct 11 (I lurk but don't post there, too many cooks and all) and some of those girls had good advice too. You can't be responsible for her feelings, you can only be supportive and respectful. Go straight to the source and ask her what she needs from you in order for her to feel safe and "okay" (as okay as she can feel right now) when she's around you.
It's a tough spot to be in. I hope you find a solution to make sure everyone is comfortable soon.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way! I totally agree with the other ladies - just try to be as supportive as you can. Taking on their emotions about the miscarriage isn't going to help you, your pregnancy or them. They need to handle the situation the best way they know how - some of that might be anger, sadness, etc. but I'm sure NONE of those feelings include wishing you were're pregnant.
Hang in there chica!! Take care of yourself and that baby of yours!
Ditto the other girls.
That is so sad for your SIL and B, but their situation should not make you less happy about your pregnancy. Sometimes these things just happen, and although you can be sad for them, you can still be happy for yourself.
If they are so angry about it and pointing that anger at you, maybe you just need to not see them for a few weeks. That's not healthy for them to be doing or you to be the brunt of. Maybe someone else in your family could suggest that they see a therapist to discuss their feelings on their losses and why they seem to be placing their anger onto you when none of it was your fault.
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