Hudson Valley Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
this is so frustrating, I dont know what to think :(
So dh's family, his mother, aunt and grandmother are always asking us for money and they feel that we should take care of them financially. By no means are we rich but we are finally secure. His mother, and aunt do not work and are always looking for handouts. They live in a bad area of town and have no motivation to do better. Every time they come around, they are always asking dh for money etc. He does not give it to them b/c we have our own bills and responsibilities. When dh's father passed and left all of the children money, they were swarming around us, causing problems about us giving them money, his aunt even threatened to burn our house down if we wouldn't give them money, we didn't his mother left his dad when they were small. Dh even said that his mom did not allow his dad to come around. Its hard b/c I don't like being around them, dh feels the same but I don't want to deny the kids. Not sure what to do. This is the same woman who did not show up to our wedding reception b/c she felt that we should have been paying her more than $100 a week to watch her grandchild, she felt like if we could pay for a wedding we could pay her more, and meanwhile my parents never charge us but my mother couldn't do it at the time b/c she was in a coma
Re: this is so frustrating, I dont know what to think :(
Wow, honey, I'm so sorry for you, and especially YH, that his family is so toxic. Does YH want to maintain these relationships for himself, or are you doing it just for the kids? If he isn't prepared to give them up, then I'm not sure what to tell you other than, hide anything remotely valuable when they come to your house.
I know you said you feel like you want your kids to have a relationship with their extended family, but I have to ask -- why? What are your kids really getting from being around those people? And what kind of things are they learning from them? If that's the only reason you're spending time with YH's family, I say, cut your losses. Your kids will get much more from having a stable core family, than from spending time with such hurtful people.
I grew up with a lot of "crazy relatives in my extended family-- there was always so much drama that I honestly don't have many good memories of spending time with them as a child because the drama and the stress it put on my parents (yes, your kids will pick up on that) always outweighed any benefit of seeing them.
It's a tough thing to deal with -- I'm sorry they are making things so difficult for you. <hugs>
Always missing my Mommy (1954-2010) and Daddy (1943-2012)
TTC since 2009 ; BFP 9/13/10 = MC 10/21/10
DX = DOR/POA (AMH=1.1; AFC=4-5)
Surprise BFP 8/31/11 while waiting to cycle for IVF
Welcomed our little miracle 5/7/12
my read shelf:
((hugs)) - i know how stressful extended family and $$ issues can be.
i agree with ELF- what are your children getting from this sort of relationship?!
i love the vacation thing. i never understood why anyone wants something from where i go, because i have no idea what to do with the aruba trivet mil gave me. and i don't wanta shirt from alaska because someone else went. i've never been there. i have no fond memories, etc. i also don't buy crap to take home, even for myself.
i am very sorry about whats going on. I have kind of the same problem, my grandmother did some very unspeakable things to me and some other immediate family members. She canceled my health insurance when I was in school on me, tried to run me over with her car when I walked out of my grandfathers house because I couldn't stay to watch him so she could go on a vacation.(I had to work) I have chose not to speak to her anymore and have had no contact with her for 3 years now. My life is more peaceful without her in it causing drama for me. Its hard to think that I have no other living grandparents around and that when i got married the closest thing from my grandparents was my step mothers mom (who is great to me). And now that we are thinking bout kids soon it hurts to know that I just have my mom and dad and step mom, while my dh has his whole family. But i know that my grandmother would cause either me more drama or do messed up crap to my kids if shes still around when my kids would be older. which makes me realize that although it hurts its for the best.
my dh told me yesterday while talking about family stuff is that i have to be grateful for the family that i do choose to speak with and that its not about the size its about the quality of family that i have.
hope you figure out what works for you guys.
Now don't beat around the bush Margie. What do you really think? LOL
Always missing my Mommy (1954-2010) and Daddy (1943-2012)
TTC since 2009 ; BFP 9/13/10 = MC 10/21/10
DX = DOR/POA (AMH=1.1; AFC=4-5)
Surprise BFP 8/31/11 while waiting to cycle for IVF
Welcomed our little miracle 5/7/12
HA! This pisses me off, as you can see.
There's more to being family than sharing a bloodline.
((HUGS)) So sorry you have to deal with this... I agree with what the ladies have said so far... I'm not sure being around these people is in your kids best interest. Do what is best for you.