April 2010 Weddings
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REALLY need to vent..

I am seriously debating on knocking "D"H upside the head with a bat when I get home (not that I ever would of course). He is just being a HUGE pain.. I *thought* we had picked the name Evelyn Rose but after several weeks of telling this to friends and family he says Saturday night "I feel like we just settled on the name and we really didn't talk about it" So now we are back to the baby names drawing board. He has known that I have LOVED the name Rose ever since I was a little girl and now he is saying it doesnt need to be Rose and wants to completely throw out the name and start over. I understand he wants to be a part of the naming process but I wish he could just understand how much Rose means to me and how badly I want it to be part of the name.

I have tried talking to him about it but he just gets super defensive and is just being a jerk about the whole thing. Plus he is not even looking up names and barely even gives me feedback. Usually when I say I like a name I get an "eh" or "okay" and thats about it. I have basically come to the conclusion that I feel very blessed to have this little girl and I could care less any more about the name. I guess I just needed to vent to you ladies.

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Re: REALLY need to vent..

  • I'm really sorry this is stressing you out! Tons of HUGS!

    I wish I had better advice but if he's not coming up with any names then stick with the original. If he doesn't have any ideas give him time and maybe he'll come around. Who knows could just be nerves or possibly that he's feeling disconnected since its growing in your belly and you are feeling her move and he's not so he's trying to get himself more in the process. 

    And if all else fails you can explain to him nicely that when he pushes a child out of his private parts he can call it whatever he wants :) that usually quiets my DH ;) Sorry I don't mean to make light of it but I hope you smiled!

  • When I first saw your name choice, my first thought was "how cute - there really is a type of rose named the  "Evelyn Rose"! (pronounced: Eve-lyn, not E-ve-lyn).

    I know that it's important for both parents to agree on the name, but if you really feel strongly about Rose - which is a classic, lovely name - then I'd say hold your ground, unless H absolutely hates the name. It doesn't sound like he does, just that he is having a case of worrying that you guys chose a name too quickly. A name is a really important start in life for a little one, and I do think that they should be chosen with care. Perhaps the bigger question is why isn't H more excited about the naming process? Is he a little worried about sharing your affections?

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  • I can understand your frustrations with his not giving anything towards it. Jeff was like that with the wedding except for a few items (he seriously still brags that he decided the cake should be square not round...like, that was as much work as I did with the whole thing - haha). I do like the advice that it may be his disconnect issue that will quickly resolve in a few short months here. So is Evelyn officially in? I was thinking if both were your idea, then you stick with getting Rose and he gets to pick the first name?

    Jeff knows I have my boy's name and there will be NO changing it (Everhett George - Rhett for short after Gone with the Wind my all-time favorite movie / George is a big family name on both sides), so the deal is he pretty much gets to pick the girl name (should we ever get pregnant - grr)...well, first name...middle name is Nicole - after my middle name. : ) 

    *~~Danie~~*
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  • I am sorry that you are so stressed about this. It can definitley be tough.

     

    You guys still have a bit of time so maybe things will settle down a bit and he will contribute more. Either way I think Evelyn Rose is a beautiful name. 

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  • Keep talking to him... There might be more to it than the name issue (like feeling disconnected from it all). Make sure the two of you have time to talk about other things besides the baby and that you tell him that it is ok for him to express his concerns, fears, etc. with you. DH and I were not seeing eye to eye for a few weeks until I looked at him and said to PLEASE share his thoughts and feelings. This worked. It finally got him to open up fully to me and we were able to discuss the name (with him actually giving suggestions). Also as soon as I started to feel the harder kicks, I had DH press firmly (you guide how much pressure) on my stomach so that he could start feeling the kicks. Once he felt those first few kicks for himself, he changed into a big baby...He seems more connected from feeling his son move....it made it real for him.

    I will keep y'all in my thoughts!

    There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. - Ecc. 3:1 <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
  • imagedanies08:

    I can understand your frustrations with his not giving anything towards it. Jeff was like that with the wedding except for a few items (he seriously still brags that he decided the cake should be square not round...like, that was as much work as I did with the whole thing - haha). I do like the advice that it may be his disconnect issue that will quickly resolve in a few short months here. So is Evelyn officially in? I was thinking if both were your idea, then you stick with getting Rose and he gets to pick the first name?

    Jeff knows I have my boy's name and there will be NO changing it (Everhett George - Rhett for short after Gone with the Wind my all-time favorite movie / George is a big family name on both sides), so the deal is he pretty much gets to pick the girl name (should we ever get pregnant - grr)...well, first name...middle name is Nicole - after my middle name. : ) 

     

    I tried to tell him he can chose the first name and he said that he wants a say in the WHOLE name. I just dont see what the big deal is over a middle name.

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  • Had he actually given you any suggestions as to what names he likes? Has he given you a reason why he doesn't like the name you picked out? (Which, btw, I LOVE). I would do 1 of 2 things. Either let the name thing drop for a bit and try to focus on the two of you and the family you are about to start or 2. sit him down and talk about what is bothering him with the whole name thing and get some concrete answers out of him.
  • Hugs!  Maybe stop talking about names for a week or two - your DH might feel too pressured at the moment to think clearly about this situation.  Then you can approach the situation after he has cooled down a bit and give him the opportunity to find a girl's name that goes with Rose. Good luck with everything!  I really hope you do keep Rose as a middle or first name too :)
    ~Margaret (and Nick)~
    Post-Wedding Life Blog!
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  • Sorry, that's rough. I feel like pregnancy has got to be really weird for guys, as their wife is going through all this crazy stuff and they don't know how to handle it. At least you still have plenty of time to figure out the name. Since Rose is a middle name, do you think you can get him to agree to that and then jointly decide on a first name? The nice thing about Rose as a middle name is that it goes with just about any first name. Although FTR, I love the name Evelyn.
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  • I have actually been doing this to my husband.

    We decided on Eli Daniel since like week 10 of this pregnancy. but , I keep throwing out new names to him.

    I just know how big of a deal it is...and i want the name to be perfect.

    In my heart, I know we picked the right one (and im sure your dh does too) , but we just need some confirmation.

    I dont know how you came upon evelyn , but we knew we wanted a biblical name , so we looked at a list of 25 and there was Eli... that was it! after 25 names we decided on our childs name.

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  • I'd like to first go on the record as a huge supporter of Evelyn Rose! Rose is my niece's middle name though so maybe I'm biased :)

    I agree that he is probably feeling a mixture of emotions from disconnected, maybe to even a little disappointment that he didn't get his boy. I know he will love your little girl soooo much, but if he did want a boy it could be affecting him. I think that it's a good idea, like PP said, to lay off the name game for a while, and try to avoid talk about the baby as your primary focus for a week or so.

    That said, when you come back to discussing it, I have a few thoughts. One it's total bullsh!t for him to claim he wants a say in it, and then not have a say. Offer up a name or two buddy, or even an idea ("such as "I like girls names that can be boy names, too, or I like names that end in "ie"...whatever). I say stick to your guns on Rose though, if it's important to you. Him recognizing the importance of that name is being part of the process!

  • imageRachieK10:


    ("such as "I like girls names that can be boy names, too, or I like names that end in "ie"...whatever). 

    Are you subconsciencely loving on me?  : ) 

    *~~Danie~~*
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  • imagedanies08:
    imageRachieK10:


    ("such as "I like girls names that can be boy names, too, or I like names that end in "ie"...whatever). 

    Are you subconsciencely loving on me?  : ) 

    bahahaha well look at that. I guess I missed you even more than I thought!

  • What are the names he's interested in? Has he mentioned them? If so, I would hope you've taken serious consideration to them and not just blown them off - maybe he feels like the decision isn't really his to have an opinion for and feels disconnected. Psychologically men get very weird during a pregnancy because they don't feel the things we feel as the one's carrying the baby - do your best to make sure he feels like his opinion counts - even if you think the ideas are totally lame.

    If he keeps saying, "eh" and "er" and at the same time not having any interest in seeking out ideas, I would tell him that when he's ready to do the research on his own about names he can have an input, that you're not going to just keep bringing him names and getting shot down. If he wants a different name and doesn't like yours, then he needs to find it and bring it back to you. If he wants to be involved...then he needs to go out and do just that.

    Or you could make him build a crib or something and see if that keeps him occupied for a minute.

    love, jenifriend

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  • I will also say that when DH and I discussed girls names I was hell bent on the entire name Mackenzie Joe for our first-born girl. It's something I've grown up loving, in Irish Mackenzie means, "fire-born; son of the wise ruler" and Joe was my grandma's middle name. After some poking and prodding my DH finally told me that he really didn't like that my grandma's name was the middle name because he thought mine should be the middle name because I would be the mother. After some playing around we decided, mutually, on Jolee, a combination of Joe and Lee. It's something I was happy with and he was happy with because, in a way, we both got our ways.
    love, jenifriend

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  • I agree that he may be feeling disconnected from the whole process.  I think you should let it rest for a couple weeks.  When you bring it back up maybe have a list of first names and middle names and say, when we see her for the first time we can decide on an official name.  There isn't a law that says you have to have a name set in stone now!

    ((hugs)) I know this can't be easy especially with all the hormones!

    ~Melissa~
    Shmel's Blog
  • imageJessynlove:

    I have actually been doing this to my husband.

    We decided on Eli Daniel since like week 10 of this pregnancy. but , I keep throwing out new names to him.

    I just know how big of a deal it is...and i want the name to be perfect.

    In my heart, I know we picked the right one (and im sure your dh does too) , but we just need some confirmation.

    I agree with Jessy!  I did the same thing!  I think it is normal to second guess the name you pick out but try to remember what made you love it in the first place!  I loooove the name Evelyn Rose.  Its funny because it is a name that I actually suggested for our little one!  I can't get my hubby on board with Evelyn at all and he doesn't want to use Rose bc its his neice's middle name (who cares!!) So I'm throwing Rosemary out there in case we have another girl so I can call her Rosie :) (also want Gisella... my grandmothers name). Maybe you can suggest a variation of Rose, like Rosemary or Roselin (sp?), something like that?  He might like that a little better and it will still be Rose!  Good luck!

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  • imagefriendlyturner:

    Or you could make him build a crib or something and see if that keeps him occupied for a minute.

    Jeni, you are brilliant and I love you! LOL

    Anyway...try not to panic over this.  He might be lukewarm about the name, or he might be feeling other emotions/anxiety about being a dad!  Like other ladies have said, it's a strange feeling for the men, because he might feel a little disconnected from the whole thing.  And maybe this is his way of dealing with that?  In any case, don't push the issue, and I'm sure he'll come around, or you will find a way to compromise somehow.  Right now, don't worry about anything except for growing a healthy little girl and everything else will work itself out!! :)

  • imageLaurms15:


     

    And if all else fails you can explain to him nicely that when he pushes a child out of his private parts he can call it whatever he wants :) 

    That's exactly what I was going to say.....if he gives birth to it, he can have all rights to the name.

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