September 2008 Weddings
PBJ63010
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
**Carina**
I understand that your intention wasn't trying to come on to say oh look at me I got what I wanted and I'm a SAHM but I hope that you can understand why your post was taken that way. You disappear from the board for months at a time delete all of us from being your friend on facebook for unknown reasons (and that is fine it is your choice obviously) but then when you do randomly pop on the board it seems like it is simply to say oh look at me and how great my life is. I am sure being a SAHM isn't perfect at all times but so many of us want that so badly it sucks when someone posts about wanting it to have it shoved in their face. For what it is worth people may be a bit more open to your posts if you would try to contribute a bit more to conversations that don't always relate back to yourself.
As for that part about the house I do understand it is hard to make it look good all the time. Believe me I understand but it is hard to feel sympathy for someone who elects to be home unless going out for fun or for your business meetings. Especially someone who says that SAH is more demanding than being a working mom. I know SAH isnt a piece of cake all fhe time but hiw in the world do you think that is harder than trying to work and keep a house running smoothly and taking care of a child? Even with help of a spouse. I dont quite get that. You have a much larger opportunity to do house work than most of us do. Sorry if any of this seems harsh but it is a touchy subject with a lot of us on the board. Sorry for lack of any punctuation/ formatting and spelling I'm on my phone.Baby_Bunny_Hopeful:
and in response to this- believe me... there are few days that I'm actually able to "make our house look good." SAH is just as demanding (if not more) than a 9-5 job. I did both (SAH and Working Mom). I look back on when I was a WM and I don't know how I did it all... so I have MAJOR respect for those moms!!!!Ditto Amanda. Not all of us have that luxury... And some of us work from home in the summer and still feel like crap about it because we can't spend our whole day making our house look good and playing with our kids.
Re: **Carina**
Well said, Paige.
Carina - can you not see our side of this at all? Like Paige said, you disappear from the board, unfriend us all on facebook, and then randomly come back only to post something about how you love to be a SAHM in a post Alicia made about wishing she could stay home. You didn't even offer any support for her feelings.
And no one doubts that being a SAHM can be difficult - I don't think anyone said that you have it so super easy since you're home.
Don't make me go all single-working-mom on you. Because I will. And you don't want to touch that.
I can understand how hard being a SAHM is...and it's not something I could ever personally do because I enjoy my interaction with adults at the office. Even though I'm "working" it's still adult time to me and I enjoy it. It makes me a better mom (personally) because I come home ready to play the mom role each day. But that doesn't mean I don't have exteme mom-guilt about working, espeically since I don't have a spouse to rely on. Besides, I'm the sole source of income for my little family so I HAVE to work. I have my SAHM day's on the weekends when it's just me and B, and I'm trying to play catch up on housework, laundry, grocery shopping, meal planning, homework for school, etc. I don't get a "break" on the weekends beause my spouse is home. So, it might be arrogant of me, but I'm both a working mom and SAHM. I can see both sides of the argument.
The SAHM vs. working mom battle will never end. I know you've seen it on the bump boards. Everyone thinks their "job" is more work than the others, yada yada yada. I think we can agree to disagree.
I know in the past you've complained about your DH not helping around the house, so I really hope you don't try to say you know what it's like to be a "single mom" beause you're doing all of the work. Don't go there.
Sorry to be a b!tch, but you've hit a nerve with several of us. Actually no, I'm not sorry to be a b!tch. I believe in being honest and that's what I'm doing. We all take being a mom very seriously and to have someone jump on the board out of nowhere and basically rubbing salt into the wounds of those working moms just isn't cool.
Also, I know you say it's not your "intention" to brag about being a SAHM, but maybe think twice about how you word your posts. I'm glad you're living the life you wanted, I really am. Just be careful how you post.
I've been trying to respond to this post for a while, but I can't seem to word my feelings appropriately. I think the way Kara worded this is great, especially the last sentence. And Carina and I were never facebook friends, so I wasn't involved in the unfriending, but I do remember that a lot of feelings were hurt.
The WAHM/SAHM/WM thing is always messy and feelings always get hurt. I've been all three, and I will hopefully be a combination of FTWM/SAHM (summers) for a long time. I am also trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I had a long thing typed out but it is coming across as complaining and I don't want to do that, so I just want to leave it at this: Each "type" of mom presents its own rewards and challenges, and in addition, we all are different, have different kids, and have different situations.
I personally find it way harder to keep house when I am SAHM. It just doesn't happen - he is literally pulling out stuff as I'm trying to put things away, and forget about deep cleaning. When P's not here, he doesn't make the mess. And since he doesn't really nap much, or go to bed before 10, it makes it all the more challenging. And because I have to clean when he's awake, I feel guilty for not engaging him more. I know that I am blessed for every second I have with him, no matter my work situation, and that many moms would love to have extra time with their kids. However, that doesn't mean that it is not challenging, in some ways moreso than others. I am way more exhausted when I've been home all day than when I've taught all day. It also doesn't mean that I don't respect that other moms find their situations at least equally as challenging, and rightfully so. I know when I am working, I have a bunch of other challenges and emotions to deal with.
We all need to recognize that everyone is in their unique situation, whether they like it or not (it took me 3 years to get a FT promotable job, it wasn't necessarily my choice to only work PT or SAH). It also doesn't mean we're any less of a mom because we find ourselves challenged. If anything we're being good moms, because we're taking care of ourselves, and doing the best for our kids, no matter what way we do it.
HOWEVER, we need to be conscious of the things we say, and how other people may interpret them, regardless of how they were actually intended. We have to recognize that until we walk a mile in someone's shoes, we really don't get it. And we all know that being a mom is hard work, but we're all doing an awesome job.
2012 Reading Challenge
Amanda, I think everyone agrees that you're a "Supermom". I hope you realize what a great source of inspiration you are for us moms!
2012 Reading Challenge
Well said ladies!
And ITA Amanda is a wonderful inspiration in more ways than just that.
C- You and I have had issues in the past. So i'm not going to far into this. I refuse to get into the whole sahm/wm debate with you. I will say that the next time you come on here, and start rubbing salt in MY FRIEND's wound with your bragging, then complain in a later post about how hard it is to get everything done, I am seriously going to make your posting here miserable.
THAT being said. It's nice to know you are so busy with the life you chose since YOU COULDN'T THANK YOUR ELF for the ornament they sent you, or BE BOTHERED TO SEND AN ORNAMENT TO A SUPER amazing nestie. That's right, I know b/c the organizer had asked me for advice on what to do about you and I told her 3 mos ago to call you out on the board, and she was too nice to do that. Well I'm not that nice.
Have a great day, and enjoy your child. That's what life is meant to be lived for.
Thank you ladies. But that wasn't the intention of my post either...I guess i need to be careful with how I word things...lol
Like Becky said, we all have different and unique challenges for our parenting situtations. It's just about being respectful of those who are in different positions from us.
Amanda, that's part of the reason WHY you're an inspiration. You don't do or say things for the praise. It's because it is what you believe and who you are and what is best for your son. You just do it. And THAT'S inspiring.
2012 Reading Challenge
Ditto Becky about Amanda yet again.
I have been thinking since I posted this last night that it wasn't exactly fair of me to comment on the SAHM vs WM and which is easier. ONLY because it will all depend on the person that you are and how you handle situations. HOWEVER I really think that doing all 3 things I mentioned in my OP makes for a much longer day and that is why I said it. Most nights I don't even sit down until 10:30.
And thanks to some information shed in this post I have lost what little respect I ever had for you (Carina) and I think that what you did is rude, thoughtless and completely unacceptable. If you weren't going to participate why sign up? Was it just to hurt someones feelings? Or was it because you couldn't afford it? Or forgot about it? You could have emailed your person and explained what was going on. The way you handled it (or didn't) was childish.
Amanda, I have to say you're an amaizing person/ mother. I know I don't post much, but I'm here often, I just don't usually have alot to say. However, I have been in your shoes and I know how hard it is. When DS was little I did the SM/WM/school thing and I think it pushed me harded to be the best for my child. You do what you do because you HAVE to, there is no choice. I'm not saying that those who aren't single but working don't have it hard. They do. I have so much respect for what all WMs do.
Ditto x 1,000,000 to all of the pp. Amanda you are a rockstar and an inspiration to us all.
While I am sure I may not have a "right" to say this b/c I am not a mom but I do have some experience as my mom was SAHM for 5 yrs of my life and then a working mom after that.
I know when I do become a mom, I will go back to work. Not b/c I have to, but because I WANT to. I enjoy the adult interaction and I feel I am contributing to my family. This is my own personal choice.
It will always become a battle but I hate when people try to shove it in your face that one is better than the other. There are pros and cons to every decision but just don't make us feel guilty on the decision we made. Many times it is not because we want to, it is b/c we have to.
I don't normally get in on the drama ... but this is unbelievable.
A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP
? 2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa! ?
? Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF ?
I think there's advantages and disadvantages of being a SAHM and WM. I've been both and I really have no argument as to which one is easier/harder. I don't even think it should be an argument. It's what people choose, or have no choice but to do.
Carina, I have no hard feelings toward you nor do I know much about why people may or may not like you much. I'm not on here much but I do correspond with other Nesties via various methods and I do know there's some issues, like what has been brought up in this thread. I read the post that started all this and I agree with the others. It sounded like you were bragging. It may have not been intended but you started out with how great being a SAHM is and that sounded like you were rubbing it in. Now I have no reason to be a SAHM at this point since Suri is school age so I didn't get offended but I definitely understand why some of the others were.
As for the elf thing. There was talk that there was a *bad* elf out there and I heard at least two different stories. I had no clue the person they were speaking about was you. I didn't know the instances were both about you. That upsets me. I don't understand why you didn't thank the person who sent your gift or say you couldn't send on to your elf. I didn;t sign up this year because I just wasn't in the Christmas mood and it wouldn't have been fair to the person I chose. I feel like those actions deserve an apology from you. It hurt those people's feelings.
I know we all *met* on the internet but we have formed a bond through the years and although we haven't all met each other we're still friends. It may seem like we are just strangers to you Carina, but we're all real and we all actually care about each other. When we sign up to do something we follow through because we are friends and friends don't let each other down.
CRAFTY ME
my read shelf:
well said
So well said.
I'm sorry that I may have offended some of you (or all of you) by my poorly chosen words in the initial post. It didn't even occur to me when responding to that post that it may have come off in any other way than that SAH isn't always roses, either. Please know that I would never ever want to say or do anything to insult or upset any of you!!
I really am a kind and thoughtful person. I realize from reading this post that most of you don't think that I am... and I really don't know why. Yes, I misspoke yesterday. For that, I apologize. Yes, I deleted a bunch of people from my FB... but that wasn't just S08ers- it was anyone on my friend list that I didn't speak to on a regular basis. I was honestly just updating my list because I don't feel like everyone cares about what's going on in my life if I don't speak to them on at least a somewhat regular basis. And it wasn't fair to any of those that I deleted for me to be reading what was going on in their lives, if we didn't have a close friendship. I'd think many of you can agree with me on that- FB friends lists sometimes get carried away- and I deleted a lot of people (from HS, online boards, etc). So please don't take it personally. It had nothing to do with anything that happened on S08.
To clarify, I really DID send my elf an ornament. I sent it late- like a month late... which I apologized for to the coordinator. Apparently it was never received. I didn't get a tracking number (or if I did on the receipt I didn't realize it because I threw the receipt away as soon as it was sent). It was wrong of me to not directly contact my elf, and there is no excuse for that. I honestly meant to, and then completely forgot. I am sorry. And the same goes for the elf that got me my ornament. Although, I'm pretty sure that I commented in one of those posts about receiving it and how much I loved it... but I didn't directly contact her, and that's my bad.
Look, I know I've messed up along the way.... I haven't participated on the board in a long time because honestly, I know that most of you have issues with me, and that really hurts me because if you knew me IRL, you'd know (as my friends and family well know) that I'm a truly sincere, thoughtful, energetic and kind person. And to read this post, and know how poorly many of you think of me makes me realize that I'm no longer welcome on this board.
I'm really sorry if anything that I've ever said or done has offended any of you. At one point, I really did consider many of you good friends... but somewhere along the way, your responses to my sincere posts started to turn ugly, and I pulled away.
I guess I should have just stayed away.
Anyway... I won't be coming on this board anymore. It was a long time coming, since you all know I rarely post lately... but I still liked knowing what was going on in your lives and all the positive things you've done. Please know that I wish ALL of you nothing but the best.
Agreed and Amen!