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Wedding shower question
My husbands brother is getting married in August. His fiancee is a bit clueless on wedding etiquette. She's not a cad, she's actually the opposite. She doesn't want to put out or offend anyone. Which is good.
Except that she didn't think that myself and their other brother's wife should be invited to her NY bridal shower because she didn't think we'd come. (SIL is in VA.) She didn't want us to feel obligated and put out. I don't know if my MIL (in NY) ws invited. I actually think not. Also, it didn't occur to her that my husband and brother #1 would want to go to brother #2's bachelor party. Again, b/c it will be in NY.
The issue isn't our not being invited. (It was in upstate NY so I wouldn't have gone. But I would certainly have sent a gift.) It's that I think as her future family we should participate in some sort of pre-wedding celebration of her. We can't throw her anything in person. Like I said, she's in NY (near MIL) and my SIL is down here. I would't want to just send a shower gift b/c I know that would make her feel weird for not inviting me.
I feel like MIL should have thrown something in NY since that's where the rest of the fam is-- lots of aunts, nieces, cousins. It could have been a lovely shower. But that didn't happen, oh well. MIL isn't really a hostessy type, so I'm not surprised at all. She did throw us an engagement party, so I feel bad for my FSIL.
So what can I do?
Re: Wedding shower question
Is the wedding in NY as well? If so, could you do something for them right before the wedding, while you're in town - maybe a nice lunch or dinner (or tea or happy hour) the Thursday before with a small group from your DH's side of the family?
Baby248 - ETA 1/10/13
I was in a wedding where a family friend hosted a bridesmaid's tea for the bride, bridesmaids and a few female family members. Something like that would be appropriate.
Maybe talk to the other brother's wife and see if she wants to co-host something with you. Does the bride have any other friends or family in VA? Would a Virginia shower be appropriate?
That's a nice idea if it's possible.
Otherwise, get them a really nice wedding gift and call it a day. You know she didn't mean to hurt your feelings and you wouldn't have gone anyway, so I'm not sure what you're worried about, really.
Wedding is in NY on a Sunday. We won't be arriving until Saturday noonish, and the RD is that night. Then everyone is flying/driving out at varying times on Monday morning. So unfortunately, no time for a gathering.
Would it be stupid to get the women in my hubz' family to write a nice note to the bride, then I collect them and send to her?
I said in the post that it wasn't that I wasn't invited. There is no issue of hurt feelings, unless perhaps her's. It's that I would like our family to do something for her. It's a kind and welcoming thing to do. For my brothers' wives, we've thrown a shower-- wedding and baby. That's just what's done. It's hard b/c it's my hubz' family and they aren't party people, or planners. But that's a whole other issue that I post about from time to time when it comes to vacations with them! ;-)
Baby248 - ETA 1/10/13
Yes, I am aware of what is kind in this world. I guess I was just thinking that you don't really have to go out of your way to do something just because you missed the shower. I can see how you'd want to do something nice and special anyway. I like the book idea - words of wisdom for the newlyweds or family recipes would be nice.
I think this is a cute idea. Maybe, "words of advice for being married to a lastname here". Put them in a cute box or something. I know I would love that!
I love this. It can be everything from a recipe XX Family recipe the new DH will love to funny insider family stories to general marriage advice and well wishes... and of course, a welcome to the family.