f/u to vent

meganmarieCA · May 2011

It was nothing huge, I was just being driven crazy by well-meaning in-laws. Every time the come to visit they ask how they can help or if they can do anything every five minutes, and every time my answer is the same: just keep the kids entertained so I can get stuff done. I guess to some people that isn't viewed as work, so it isn't viewed as helping. Or maybe it's the kind of helping that they don't want to do because they don't know how to do it sometimes. Conversations go something like this:

IL: You have enough work to do! I'll get Owen's dinner!

Me: Okay, great, thanks. I just want to finish up this laundry.

IL: Okay, what should he eat?

Me: <insert dinner plan>

IL: Okay, how long do I cook that for? Does he need a bib? Where are the plates? Does he wash his hands first? What should I get him to drink? Which cups? How does this cup work? How high should I fill it? Does he use a fork? Which fork?

etc. etc. etc. to the point that it's 1,000 times easier to do it myself.

At the point that I typed my message last night, MH had finally rescued me from Ellie, who I'd been bouncing around for about 20 minutes (as I had been on and off all day). Instead of taking the baby, like I would've liked because that's where I needed a break, my ILs helped by washing the dishes. Except that they needed to empty the dishwasher first of the clean stuff and didn't know where anything went so MH had to go in and do it all when if it were up to us, we would've just left the damn things until morning. Or everyone would've gotten out of my way and taken my baby so that I could clean up my kitchen myself with no interruptions and no questions. But no, I had already worked making dinner, so I shouldn't work anymore in their eyes...you know, cause calming a fussy baby isn't really hard work. I would much rather have been doing dishes.

I am not being fair, as they are taking Owen for a walk right now to go get me coffee, and they do play with him and read to him and put him to bed, and they love to hold Ellie (when she's not crying), and my FIL is going to cook dinner at least once this weekend, and they'd paint the house if that's what I told them I needed done. They are wonderful and I love them very much.

But it is frustrating.

jgreg29 · May 2011

OMG, Meg, you have described my future! I know FIL (and maybe MIL) will be exactly like this. They already are without grandkids. I know exactly what you mean. They are very well-meaning and you appreciate their intentions but sometimes it's frustrating and you want the day to end.

meganinmaine · May 2011

Oy this kind of helping makes me crazy because you don't want to act like a jerk but it's the opposite of helpful. Just enjoy getting to see them and spend time with them and do your best not to put your fist through a wall or something.

Or tell them that the most helpful thing for them to do is to go get you a half dozen cupcakes, then lock yourself in the can alone with them.

tripin · May 2011

I can totally relate to this. Sometimes you just want a few minutes away from the kids to do the normal work....

chayer227 · May 2011

This is sort of my issue right now... my MIL has been up from Florida for a week and a half to meet Colby - my only saving grace is that she's staying elsewhere during this time.

She comes for about 5 hours a day, every day, and holds him and rocks him to sleep and then watches trashy daytime TV. I know her time with him is limited due to living in FL, but, it's too much for me all at once. She and DH have been encouraging me to get out and take advantage of the break while it lasts - get in some "me" time. I don't want "me" time - I am "Colby's mom" now, and I'm trying to get into a routine with him. This is my time with him too!

While I appreciate the time I can get errands run without toting an infant car seat with me, there's only so much I can squeeze into this week and a half time frame. I got my hair trimmed yesterday, and did some shopping, but couldn't help but worry that he'd want to eat more than the bottle I pumped for him before I got back home. And, I just plain missed him!

maeghan21 · May 2011

Ah, yes, definitely worthy of a vent My problem was/is the opposite. MIL will hold a screaming child over doing anything else. Hence, why she wasn't much help during my pregnancy :P My mom had to tell her to go get groceries for me the day I arrived back from the first hospital stay.

Maybe be a little more forceful. When they ask what they can do. Just give them Eloise...and RUN! Hide in the bathroom for a few minutes if you need to and then go right to doing whatever you need to do and don't acknowledge them. Then they'll see your busy doing something else and they can sit there with her. Sometimes help is more work than good

kristen80 · May 2011

I totally understand - it's the exact same way w/ both our parents too. They come from such a helpful place, but they don't understand that it's a billion times more work for you to rearrange your cabinets when they put stuff in the wrong place. I'm constantly saying that just watching the kids is what I want. Sad as it is, I'm at a stage where doing the dishes or vacuuming IS my break! Extra bonus if I can do it uninterrupted.

And it sounds like I'm not the only one bouncing my baby around all day. Today poor Katie didn't want to be put down and it was SO hard. My body was going to break in half by the time she finally went to bed.

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