Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hurt by sister - advice please!
I?m hurt by the way my sister has been acting, and I?m not sure what to do/how to take it.
A little background: I have been living in furnished places since I moved out of my parents home. I recently bought a condo and I have moved back home for a few months until I get possession. My sister have been a married home owner for 7+ years now. When my grandparents passed away my parents took their furniture to save for us to help us when we moved out. My sister moved out first and took ALL of the furniture, even though a lot of it is just sitting in a corner in her basement.
So currently, my dad?s tv broke, and he decided just to get a new one but he got a quote that it could be fixed for $100. My dad offered the tv to my sister if she paid to fix it and she declined, then he offered it to me and I accepted and have gotten it fixed to take with me to my new place. My parents also told me that I could have any of ?my? furniture (ie my bed and dresser) when I leave, and an old couch and their old kitchen table. The old couch and table were still being used when my sister moved out so she was not offered them. When my sister found out that I was getting the TV she flipped out, and said she changed her mind and wanted it but my dad said it was too late. She started asking my parents what else I was getting and they told her, and she was fuming, throwing a fit about how I?m spoiled and how it was unfair that she wasn?t offered the items. Then last night she showed up at their house and stormed into my room demanding a list of everything I am taking so she could ?object? if it was things she wanted. When I told her no and that she was being ridiculous, she started going through my room and trying to take things, including trying to actually drag my dresser (full of clothes) out of my room.
Honestly the stuff I?m taking is all old and of little value, and I?m sure I could find it elsewhere for quite cheap. What I?m really upset about here is how my sister is acting, how she can be so selfish that she?d rather me have nothing so she can have more stuff to sit unused in her house. I also feel like it has put my parents in a terrible position because they were just trying to help me out and she?s acting like it?s some kind of malicious act towards her. Plus I thought that we had been getting along perfectly fine the last few years and I have no idea what set her off. I feel like somehow this is really about winning or losing rather than a velvet couch from the 80s. So what?s my next move, and what should I do if she comes back ranting and raving like a lunatic?
Re: Hurt by sister - advice please!
Legally, who does the furniture belong to? That's usually contingent upon a will.
My guess is that there was no will; I'd hate to see this escalate into a family feud that'll leave a big rift between you and your sis. I say that you and she should go 50-50 on the furniture and if you and she can't solve this amicacbly, sell the furniture and split the proceeds 50-50.
I would remind your parents that they gave her 100% of the furniture from your grandparents that were supposed to be for both of you. Then I would butt out. Take what your parents offer and tell your sister to F off. She sounds certifiable. Good luck!
Legally it would all belong to my parents, and I am honestly not concerned that she took all the furniture from my grandparents. The stuff they are giving me now is their own that they were getting rid of anyways, and I would have been fine going out and buying my own if I had known this would cause such a fuss. I am just concerned about her acting BSC and how to handle her, this just doesn't seem like the actions of someone who likes or cares about me
Weddings and funerals do nutty things to some -people.
Only other thing I can suggest: a neutral third party to talk some sense into her head.
Your parents can give furniture to whoever they want to, whether it's you, your nutty big sis, or neither of you. Your sister's issue is really with your parents, not with you. Don't take the bait. If she whines to you about how unfair it is that you are getting this free furniture say, "It was mom and dad's decision. Talk to them."
I'm sure your parents will find a way to deal with her.
This. I would sit down and talk to your parents first about it and then ask them to talk to your sister. Neither you nor your sister have a right to "claim" any of their things while they're still living, but you need to make it clear to your parents that, if they plan on giving anything to either of you now instead of bequeathing it (be it their furniture or your grandparents furniture) they need to make it fair and crystal clear who is getting what. It shouldn't be a "first come first served" scenario, nor a situation where the whiniest or neediest one wins. If they don't take charge now, it will be a huge emotional mess when your parents pass away some day and you and your sister are left to divy up the goods yourselves. Your sister will be coming over to your home and dragging things out. If your parents take back the power, your sister will calm down. She has no right to be so possessive over things that aren't hers.
Thanks everyone!
I feel a bit better now just being able to vent. I'm thinking that I will take the tv because I've paid to have it fixed and just leave everything else to her. I honestly wasn't trying to "claim" anything belonging to my parents, only accept when they offered me something they no longer wanted. I can get old furniture from a garage sale or craigslist or something. I have another month left to live with my parents and I don't want to cause them any trouble and I certainly don't want people breaking into my room trying to steal things. Thanks everyone for listening to our drama!
No wonder your sister acts like a spoiled brat! You and your parents give into her tantrums and let her have whatever she wants. If you want to ignore and perpetuate the problem, let her have the stuff. If you want to start fixing the problem, you need to start taking a stand. Only taking the tv is not a stand.
Ditto this!!!
I think it will be BETTER for your relationship in the long run if you take your furniture. Your sister needs to learn that she can't get her way by throwing a tantrum. Usually kids learn this at age 3, but your sister obviously is a little behind the normal curve.
Your sister needs to learn that she has control over HER OWN things, not your parents.
You will be doing her a favor by taking the things and showing her that the world does not revolve around her.
And while I think this board is sometimes heavy on the "just cut them off," suggestions, I think that if your sister is like this, you should take the furniture and avoid having her in your home if she is going to run into your rooms and take your things.
One other thought - was "your" dresser in a room that you shared? If that is the case and she may be sentimental about it (ie wants her children to sleep in her childhood bed), you could offer to swap her the furniture that your parents are giving you now for one of your grandparents dressers and beds. But YOU NEED A BEDROOM SET, and you're not going to offer it to her if she doesn't give you anything in return.