September 2010 Weddings
LauraT25
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: Do you look at weddings differently now?
I'm sure all of us do, but after going to this wedding Sunday it made me realize how differently I analyze certain things after going through the process myself. So, since planning your own wedding:
-Are you more forgiving/understanding about certain WR things? Elaborate.
-What things do you notice now that you didn't before?
-Are you more critical of certain WR things? Elaborate.
Re: Poll: Do you look at weddings differently now?
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Yes I do look at them differently!! :-)
I am more understanding b/c I know how much of a pain in the a$$ they can be to plan, etc.
I notice things like details in flowers, details in the invites. Basically details in everything.
I'm more critical of things more so when its someone that I'm close to so I hear them discussing the entire process. Example: Had a friend complaining about the details, stress, planning, etc. and then when I went to their wedding, it just seemed blah. I mean with all the complaining they were doing, I was expecting some extravegant wedding.
-Are you more forgiving/understanding about certain WR things? Elaborate.
I am a lot more understanding about budget - I knew that weddings were expensive, but I had no idea HOW expensive. So, despite all the fuss people make about things like cash bars, I get it, as long as the couple was truly being budget conscious in other aspects of the wedding. Also, although I was pretty understanding about guest list cuts before, I get it even more now - as a matter of fact, I was pretty pissed when I was obviously B-listed two years ago, but it doesn't bug me as much now.
-What things do you notice now that you didn't before?
I pay a lot more attention to the ceremony, especially the readings and vows. And lots of little details like programs and flowers and stuff, which I mostly ignored before, I appreciate a lot more now.
-Are you more critical of certain WR things? Elaborate.
Yeah...particularly when it comes to the comfort of guests. For example, I was annoyed that the hotel this weekend had super expensive parking, no free/cheap breakfast options, and the trolley to transport us to the venue was too full, so we had to take a cab. There was also a lot of miscommunication about what time the trolley would be running and it was overall really frustrating. The bride had fussed over so many details, and it felt like she dropped the ball on the ones that directly affected the guests.
Ah, you both make good points: I really just like to see a happy and in love couple, regardless of how fancy the wedding is. And when I hear ALL of the ins and outs of planning, I think I judge the outcome a little more, especially if some things have been hyped up.
For the wedding this weekend, the bride had made some disparaging comments about my wedding, but almost as though she didn't realize it or something, so I couldn't help but notice the points where our wedding was 'better'. That makes me sound like a horrible person, I know. Also, she bragged endlessly about how amazing the food was going to be, and while the cocktail hour food WAS excellent, dinner was really sub-par (and they ran out of fish, which half our table ordered) and dessert was just not good.
I think I am more critical. Although it could be because of one of the weddings we are attending this summer. I notice DIY invites where the printing isn't straight and format is not consistent. I am more critical of weddings when they are cookie cutter and do not reflect the couple at all.
That said I do notice more of the details of the day and appreciate the little things more.
This for me as well. If something's not my style, but still nice, I admit it more readily. My best friend's wedding is going to fall into this. It's not me, but it totally fits her.
I am more critical - especially in regards to etiquette and guests' comfort. Like the upcoming wedding with a 2 hour cocktail. It sounds like a good idea in theory, but since it's from 12-2 there had better be a LOT of food - people are going to be hungry and keeping them waiting until 3-4 (when food will probably finally be served at the reception) is rude. And a 2 hour cocktail is always too long to begin with. Also, not just for weddings - any party I'm invited to now.
I find myself noticing things like invites and decorations more. How the little details play into the big theme.
What things do you notice now that you didn't before? I notice table set-up, chairs, linens, flowers! And I judge!
Are you more critical of certain WR things? Yes, I am critical of almost everything. I take everything in about a wedding and then analyze it. Like ok they couldn't have spent more money on this and less on this. (that cake was disgusting, boxed wine really, could that bouquet be any smaller, you ran out of beer-what?) stuff like that.
"that cake was disgusting, boxed wine really, could that bouquet be any smaller, you ran out of beer-what?"
I love the side commentary.
And since it's slow, I will confess:
It made me feel weirdly proud when my co-workers told me that they were bawling at my wedding, and didn't cry at the wedding this weekend. I sniffled a bit, but mostly because certain parts reminded me so much of my own wedding that I was reminiscing. Their ceremony was nice, though, don't get me wrong. There were a few weird parts but overall it was good.
All of this!
I am more understanding about budget overall, but less understanding in areas where people choose to scrimp - i.e. if the bride is wearing a $5k gown and spent a boatload on invites but cut the bar or food. Weddings are all about choices, and some of them should really take into consideration the comfort and enjoyment of your guests.
I am more in tune with etiquette and wish that people would follow it for the most part.
-Are you more forgiving/understanding about certain WR things? Elaborate. Now that I've seen firsthand how much weddings cost, I try to be more understanding.
-What things do you notice now that you didn't before? Invitations, and how they're addressed.
-Are you more critical of certain WR things? Elaborate. Totally more critical. I look at some choices people make and can try to understand why, but ugh. Like ex-bf, they apparently rented their plates, silverware, etc. from some place and had a mobile food truck do the catering. Well, there was nobody to clear the tables, so apparently he and his family and friends did it all afterwards. That sounded terrible to me! We definitely had options in our wedding to impose on our family and friends to help, but worked it out to pay the caterer to set the tables, etc. I would never impose on my family like that, and I think his parents were a bit annoyed as well.
I responded, Stephanie! Also, I finished the Paris Wife last night, and I cried. One of the best book rec's I've gotten in a while!
Oh no! I hope they at least offered, or something. My mom has been hinting that we will be enlisted to do something like this, and I've already decided that if/when she officially asks I will say no, flat-out.
Oh! This seems like the place to complain about this. H's friend that we stayed with in London was talking about our wedding, and said something like that our wedding was very "us," which of course was the goal. But he elaborated along the lines of, and if that worked for your guests, cool, but you still did what you wanted. We were so shocked we didn't ask WTF he meant. We were so offended, because we really did try to think of our guests at every juncture.
Ex: 6 blocks in summer from ceremony to reception? Hired a shuttle. On the day of, the driver refused to stop where we'd pre-arranged with the company (one-way street, door would have opened into traffic, but the company didn't tell us this ahead of time), but we couldn't do anything about it at that point. So maybe he was one that walked back because the shuttle was in the wrong place and is annoyed about it? Dunno. Some people also walked because they didn't want to wait for the shuttle which is just different strokes for different folks, and don't complain about it later.
Anyway, H and I were joking that this wedding this weekend was much more like that. For example, the actual ceremony cite was on this bluff, so walking on an uneven muddy grass path down and then up a hill. Once the weather cleared they asked everyone to go do it, and I put on my extra shoes, and came back caked in mud. The groom's mom had been so happy she was going to avoid it because the rain washed the ceremony out!
Note: I have not been to a single wedding since we got married. But before we got married, we went to THREE and boy did I judge away...
-Are you more forgiving/understanding about certain WR things? Elaborate. Agree w/ PP about budget vs. quality. There are things you can save on, and others you need to splurge. But each bride values things differently, so I feel bad for judging. But wheI also feel you could still SAVE on something, but make it appear as if you didn't. That's what I did. Noone knows I only paid a couple hundred for uplighting when the standard is in the thousands. However, when you use paper centerpieces from Walmart, I can notice the difference in quality. Put a little effort into making something, and I would never know you paid $5 at Hobby Lobby...
-What things do you notice now that you didn't before? I never really noticed anything at weddings b4 I was planning myself, other than open bar or not. But now, I will look at EVERYTHING. Flowers, centerpieces, favors, food, dresses, hairstyles, lighting. I'm like a big spy camera, taking it all in.
-Are you more critical of certain WR things? Elaborate. Well seeing how I notice everything now, I tend to criticize to DH or say "oooh, that was cool!" Etiquette or lack thereof really bothers me. DH's cousin is getting married in July and we got the invite a couple weeks ago. It was an invite kit (no judgement, we used one too), but the graphic they used was poor quality, pixeled and not centered. And the RSVP is via email or phone, no card to send back, and their registry card was included. Yeesh, the E board would rip them to shreds...
He has this absolutely amazing group of friends that I'm sure pitched in and did it and were happy to do it. It's just not something that would work in my circle or family! We don't expect to be put to work at someone else's wedding. H was also joking about the $$ we gave (they had a poem (!) on their website asking for cash instead of physical gifts), like we should take back some of it for setting their tables for them.
It's also high contrast for his parents, I'm sure. His sister's wedding had been this $100k very classy affair. His cousin's wedding was apparently kind of tacky, so the cousin's parents threw this fancy party at a fancy DC Chinese restaurant (I went to that part) as a way of showing that they actually do have money. Interesting. So this may have been hard for them to deal with.
Eep, and I totally agree, on your mother's wedding. You're flying across the country for it already!
Mush, we had a few random comments too. Like one person complained that the hotel we blocked was 'fine for some people', insinuating that it wasn't nice enough for them, I guess? We didn't have enough guests to book more than one place, and we wanted something convenient to the airport so people wouldn't have to rent cars. I stayed there, and thought it was actually pretty nice!
Other people complained that the venue was too out-of-the-way, but that's why we offered a freaking shuttle - my mom was the worst offender for this. Just recently I asked her how far her venue is from Portland, because I was trying to decide where to book a hotel, and she said, "Only 20 minutes - not in BFE like your wedding." Well, mom, it was 20 minutes from the hotel I blocked, it's your own damn fault that you decided to book somewhere else, an extra 20 minutes away. And while it was in the middle of nowhere, the directions were actually very easy to follow, and there were so many signs that you really couldn't miss it.
The girl in my lab who just got married also made comments about how she hates hydrangeas because she thinks they are cheap and tacky looking - two seconds after we were discussing that I had hydrangea centerpieces. She also said something like, "I guess your dress was good for you, but I could never wear something so simple", and that the food at our cocktail hour was "good for such a small wedding". Umm, ok.
I HATE poems asking for money. Ugh.
And yeah, I wouldn't plan for my wedding to require help from my friends. I could see it working for a really casual affair, but again, if people offer. I don't know how you can possibly think to yourself while planning, "Okay, great, we will do this and this and that, and have our friends clean up so we can save money."
WTF, really? In my current hormonal state, I might have gone off! Also, hydrangeas are awesome.
And the hotel girl makes me lol. If you want to stay somewhere nicer, go ahead!
And the wedding this weekend really was in BFE. At the end of the end of the road, literally. But that's who they are! Outdoorsy people. So I'm cool with it.
But yes, I don't understand planning to have your friends and family be the labor for the wedding. Like those girls on wedding shows who demand that their BMs come and help them put together favors of whatever. I sat down with my husband and we did our Scrabble magnet favors. That is nobody else's job but ours.
Yes, hate! I could just picture them finding this online and thinking it was such a great idea. Um, no. NOT A GOOD IDEA. And H hates when people don't register and always wants to give less in cash then we'd give for a physical gift, but I held firm, because they got us some really nice stuff from our registry.
Are you more forgiving/understanding about certain WR things? I've only been to one wedding since mine and about to go to another in two weeks (my mom is getting re-married). Some things I am understanding of, some i'm not. I am understanding of budget weddings and am happy when someone asks me to be part of their special day but as some have stated, because you paid almost nothing for certain things, you can make it look like it cost you a lot. For instance, my one cousin who got married a few weeks after me had this elaborate rooftop wedding in West Hollywood w/food stations, open bar of whatever you wanted and trapeze artists. Again that fit his personality and was definitely them but I think they could of done away with some things but it wasn't my wedding.
Are you more critical of certain WR things? Elaborate. My cousin (noted above) and his then fiance had a honeymoon registry rather than an actual wedding registry. I think it was tacky and only gave them a card (which I didn't think they even got or maybe they did but I saw his MIL open the card...ok wtf). IMO, I think honeymoon registries are tacky. Even if you have everything you want, I'm sure there is something you want replaced or asking guests in liue of gifts make a donation to favorite charity I would have been fine with that. To each their own.
My mom's wedding is in 1.5 weeks and they did their invite by wedding website/e-vite, which I think is a little tacky but it's her wedding and they wanted to be eco-friendly.
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