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Getting a puppy?
I know we did this subject awhile ago, but it just came up again between H and I.
Over the weekend H and I had a heart to heart conversation about getting a dog. While he was on board with it before, I blew my chance because the timing wasn't right as it was around our wedding / honeymoon / moving into our house and we did not end up getting one. I was saying that now things have calmed down, we are in a better place to move forward with it, but apparently since our wedding he has done a complete 180 and does not want one at all =(. In my dream world I would quit my job, get a puppy and raise it, then eventually get a new job once the dog is house broken and can spend longer amounts of time by itself. Yup. Not exactly gonna fly with H lol. So, he and I are at an impasse and I don't know when the stalemate is gonna break. I always grew up with dogs and it feels wrong not having one now. He sees them as an inconvenience and did NOT have dogs growing up so he has not had the same experience. I feel like he just told me he doesn't want kids lol (which I know he does). Any advice for me, ladies? I don't want to force anything on him but he didn't want our cat either and now he LOVES her. Who is to say it wouldn't be the same with a dog? For you ladies with dogs, what do you do if you and H work and are gone all day?
Re: Getting a puppy?
My H and I both agreed that we would get a dog as soon as we bought a house...and we did. While he wanted a puppy, I told him I wasn't ready for a puppy and leaving a puppy all alone during the day isn't fair. So we compromised with a dog that is almost 2 years old; so she still has some puppy but is mature enough to know to only chew her toys and not our shoes or furniture. That being said, you have to be on the same page with a dog.
I highly recommending trying to foster a dog from a local rescue, SPCA, or Humane Society - this gives you a trial period with a dog in house (extra points if the dog likes cats) and if it gets adopted into a forever home you don't lose out and if the foster situation doesn't work out then you talk to the rescue or wherever you're fostering from and tell them what's happening and they find another dog for you to foster or you don't foster.
I also would get into an obedience class of some sort after either adopting or fostering a dog, it's money well spent and both you and your husband would have to be on the same page for obedience too.
Can't really tell you what to do if he doesn't want a dog; we have one dog now and I've mentioned that I would love to get a companion for her but my H says no so I respect that and am willing to wait 1-2 years for a 2 dog household. Maybe you can volunteer your time w/dogs if you can't own one.
IUI #1 10/12/11 (Bravelle + HCG + Prometrium & acupuncture) = 10/26 BFP! Beta #1=250, Beta #2= 615. 1st u/s 11/8.
So when your H says no, it really means "ask me again in another year or two?" lol. I was hoping that is how H would be. When we first moved in together, we had an apartment that didn't allow dogs. We talked about getting one but it was a moot point since we weren't allowed anyway. We ended up getting our cat (after a little bit of resistance from H) instead. He said the same thing as you guys; we could talk about it again when we bought a house. So, we bought a house a year ago and the subject came up again. I approached him prepared with some research and the breed I preferred so he knew I did my homework and wasn't just being impulsive. I found a breeder, H came with me to look at the litter she had for sale, and he and I were *so* close to getting one but in the end we decided to wait until after our honeymoon. Well, it is 8 MONTHS after our honeymoon and now he doesn't want one at all. It's sad. All of a sudden he's putting his foot down about it. I know we need to be on the same page - I thought we were before but I guess I was wrong. I wish I didn't want one so badly but I can't help it.
No advice on him coming around.
We got Gus as a puppy. We crated him for 6 months, kept him in the kitchen for 2 months, then he had free reign. If neither of you can come home at lunch to get the puppy out, I suggest hiring a dog walker. Most areas have services like that.
We didn't get Pierce as a puppy. He was just over a year when we adopted him. When we went to the humane society we looked at dogs who were potty trained because we both work fulltime, his sister was living with us at the time not working but we wanted potty trained. Thankfully he actually was fully potty trained!
Greg and I work kinda different schedules so he usually isn't in the house all day long.
Sorry, no advice from me either.
We got Asia as a puppy, but owned our own business and she came to work with us. However, we did have a potty box we used at home and trained her to use. It was easy though b/c she was tiny, cold and it was wintertime. She would've done anything to avoid going outside.
As far as DH coming around, does he have valid arguments that you can't dispute? Is this a "we're never getting a dog" or "not right now" kind of thing? I begged for a dog for a few years and DH just came around, with no logic as to why. Sometimes guys are like that..
Well I could definitely push the issue but I have to choose on what battles I pick. We just recently discussed this again this weekend and he said he'd like to wait another year or two because our dog is loving being the only dog now (which she is, and I wouldn't disagree about that) and since we live somewhat paycheck to paycheck he doesn't want our pet food bill going up (can't argue that either). Both of us wanted a dog as soon as we started living with each other but we couldn't in the first apartment we had and the second apartment, it wasn't fair to a dog to not have a backyard. And our dog is home while we're at work (she's crate trained) and she sleeps in our room on her dog bed at night. I suggest a dog walker, dog daycare (maybe that a few times a week) and crate training (forgot to mention this in previous post). We're going out of town in a few weeks for 2 nights and we're boarding her at a boarding facility rather than have my cousin watch her.
IUI #1 10/12/11 (Bravelle + HCG + Prometrium & acupuncture) = 10/26 BFP! Beta #1=250, Beta #2= 615. 1st u/s 11/8.
The wording he uses is "not right now" but who knows? He could keep saying that forever. I really think he could warm up to the idea if given the chance which is what makes it so frustrating.
He uses the standard arguing points "I don't want to take care of it; what will we do when we go on vacation; etc." I have told him I will take care of the dog and he will have to do nothing if that's how he wants it but still no budge. We have friends, family, neighbors, many people who could easily take the dog when we go away, or we could board it or just bring it with us! Nothing we couldn't work around.
So the reasoning is that having a dog would be an inconvenience?
I'm not going to lie, having a dog is a lot of work, but it's so, so worth it, which I assume you'd agree with, since you have doggy experience. But the puppy stage was a ton of work for us. We crate the dog (1.5 years old now) during the day, because she's a beagle and still likes to get into mischief (e.g., tearing up carpet) when she's bored. It was only really hard when her bladder was so small that she couldn't hold it all day. One of us would run home at lunch (~30 min round trip) to let her out most days. I realize that's not an option for you given what you've described as your commute, but Steph has a good idea with a dog walker, at least for a while.
I like the idea someone else had about fostering a dog. Do you think your H would agree to that for now, if you can find a group that will allow you to bring the dog back if it just doesn't work for you? Hopefully you'd be able to find a housetrained dog, so you wouldn't have to worry about that at least.
I assume that once your H gets used to having a dog around, like with your cat, he'll be sold on it!
H and I talk all the time about how much we love our dog, and can't imagine life without her. We both had dogs growing up but were nowhere near as attached to them as we are to our Cakes. We even joke that the puppy will probably be more lovable than the baby for at least the first few months, until the baby can smile and interact.
Also, I totally agree with you on vacation. You figure it out. My mom watches the dog when we're gone for longer trips like the honeymoon, but we board her for short stints because my mom lives 1+ hours away.
Cakes actually loves going to boarding, because we do the doggy day camp add-ons, and she comes home exhausted and happy.
H just doesn't see it this way because he never had a dog growing up and just assumes it will be a hassle. I do think more exposure to dogs is the way to go. He does have some, since my parents have a dog as well as his father and step-mother. They do not have any problems taking care of their dogs at all which I have been hoping would be positive examples for him.
A dog-walker would definitely be an option, and I am also hoping to get a new job closer to home eventually. I would crate train if I needed, barricade the dog in the kitchen during the day for awhile and use puppy pads, put the dog through a training class, etc. I just know I could make it work. I know it's a huge effort and commitment but not as daunting as H seems to think it is!
Coming from a non-dog person, I'm not so sure that's the best thing. I'd be kinda pissed if H didn't respect the fact that I didn't really want a dog in the house and thought forcing it on me was a good idea.
I get that you love dogs and always had one growing up, but like you said it's a lot of responsibility. I don't think that's a decision that just one person can make. I think both people in the house/relationship need to be on board or it's bound to cause tension and resentment.
I should also mention that in my passings, I noticed a brand new place open only 5 minutes up the road from us that does full service dog grooming, boarding, day care, training, pet supplies, etc for really reasonable prices. I secretly checked out their website and it looked absolutely perfect if we're in a pinch. It even sells the type of dog food that is specifically recommended by the breeder I found. No excuses lol.
The breeder I have been talking to is on Cape Cod, where my family owns a second home. I just have visions of us taking the dog down there to the beach and it can still play with some of it's brothers and sisters who are still in the area. It's to the point where it's like, seriously, H? How much more convenient could I make this for you? Love him to death but this is soooo frustrating!
Sunshine - I totally agree. By more exposure I just meant that I agree with the suggestion of perhaps taking a dog on a temporary basis so H can get a feel for what it's like without a more long-term commitment. I don't think forcing one on him is a good idea and would not want him to be resentful of me or the dog. I do think he should at least give one a fair chance though before just being completely closed off to the idea.