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not married yet...and no sex?
When my fiance and I first started dating ( i was 19 he was 24) He was always wanting to have sex, and foreplay,and it was great!!!
now im 23 and he is 28, and He has literally no sex drive. the only time we have sex is if i literally throw myself at him with lingerie on. Once we get started he is usually fine...
I talked to him about this MONTHS ago..and we had sex a little more often....but the other night..we were..uhh in the middle of it..and he noticed a bug..and it was flying into the cieling..and he says "i wonder what kinda bug that is" umm HELLO talk about a mood killer....
what do i do? Im starting to think he doesnt find me attractive any more...ive been working out more..and trying to eat healthy..and im skinny (5 foot even and 105 pounds)...i dont need to lose any weight..and Im not anorexic...but im starting to really feel that he doesnt find me attractive....and im afraid that i WILL start trying to lose weight subconsciously..:-(
Re: not married yet...and no sex?
Don't marry this guy until this problem is resolved to your satisfaction.
It very well could be that this relationship has run its course.
You and he should be growing closer together and not further apart.
You need to sit down and have a talk with him -- and you need to find out whether he's still interested in gettting married.
Why did you get engaged when you did? Did you and he do it because it was *what came next,* because your friends were all getting engaged?
If this problem existed months ago, why did you get engaged? There's no way I'd have taken an engagement ring if I was not happy with the relationship in all areas, sexual satisfaction included.
He owes it to you to talk about this problem at length -- and he needs to be completely honest with you.
If it turns out that he's not interested in marrying you, do yourself a favor: cut your losses and go. Why would you want to marry somebody who's not interested in being sexually active with you?
Advice coming from a guy:
It is not that he doesn't find you attractive. Most women don't even understand how guys think/work.
Genetically and programmed by nature, guys are not meant to settle down and have one mate. We are biologically programmed to have sex with multiple partners to populate the earth. That worked 100,000 years ago when modern day man first evolved from the primitive life-form before us.
He is probably just not able to deal with the fact that he will be having sex with the same woman for the rest of his life. He needs to learn to accept this.
I am happily married and I am still very sexually attracted to my wife, because we connect on many levels and we both enjoy having sex. We have been together for more than 4 years, and we have never had problems in the bedroom.
And if he won't accept the fact that you will be his only sexual partner after you and he are married, it's time for him to be a gentleman and end the engagement. Why lead somebody on?
I still think the relationship is over. Sucks, but it happens.
What about YOU? What do you want in a relationship? If it's more sex, ask yourself if you can stand being married to somebody who cannot and will not ante up in the bedroom department.
You were here in February and you voiced the same problem: no sex with your FI. As I said back then, I will say now: Marriage makes all problems permanent ones. Getting married won't turn him back into a raging sexual machine.
Or maybe his sex drive is naturally low, and his increased age means even lower testosterone output. Maybe he's stressed out with work.
But no matter what, you need to find a resolution. If you're not satisfied with your sex life, you need to decide if this is really what you want for the rest of your life.
Aaaaaaaarrrgh!
That is all.
Ok. So I know alot of girls are going to flame me for saying this. But... you could totally be my hubby describing me now seven years into our marriage. When we first started dating, we had sex alot, well when we saw each other before we moved 2000 miles apart. Then, the year before we got married I decided that I wanted sex to be special once we got married and not just something that we always did, so we stopped. My hubby says that changed everything. I went from a nympho to being used to not having it. Now, I don't need it as much.
It is not that I am less attracted to my hubby, just that my body doesn't crave it. I love my hubby more than anything, but sometimes you get stressed, distracted, tired, etc. After working a full day, doing a strenuous workout and winding down, I'm ready for bed, like sleeping bed...
And as for the noticing a bug, that's not so crazy either. I have been known to do the same thing. It's not like he stopped doing what he was doing, he just noticed something aside from you. It's not like he stopped and said, let me go google what kind of bug that is. So, he had momentary ADD. I talk about random stuff with my hubby all the time. It's just part of who I am.
While I agree with the others that you need to talk to your FI and find out if there is a larger issue at hand, I don't believe this is the end all be all of your relationship.
Hope that helps...Good luck.
Although I hate agreeing with a man, I must tell you that there must be something related to your future marriage. He may not be capable of accepting it...not having sex with one woman but the whole idea of marriage.
Talking to him may be a solution but...what can I say? marry a guy who notices a bug on the ceiling and not you?!