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I have friend drama
Ugh, don't you just hate when your friends cause stress instead of being a nice thing to have when you are already stressed?
My friend and I used to be super close. We lived together for a year, she was my MOH, we were just really really close. Lately things have been so awful with her that I am contemplating just walking away from the friendship instead of dealing with how crappy her friendship makes me feel.
She will NOT talk to me. Instead of calling or seeing me in person, she sends me text messages. I have told her so many times I hate talking about serious things through a text, but she just always does it.
She's very busy working 2 jobs and she's always in a bad mood. I try to cope with that because I am sure I would be stressed from 2 jobs, but lately she is just so abrasive. Everything she says (or texts) comes out sounding really rude and my responses tend to get rude because I am frustrated. She has told me that I need help with my communication issues, but I think she is the one that has communication issues. I don't have a problem communicating with anyone else in my life, yet she has numerous people mad at her at any given time because of stuff like this.
The latest problem is that she texted me to complain about some issue she is having with her sister. I played devil's advocate and tried to tell her that I see where her sister is coming from, and she responded with more vulgar language about her sister. After a bunch of back and forth, she told me that she doesn't like that she is confiding in me and I am just telling her it's all her fault (which I wasn't).
I'm just ready to be done. I get that maybe she wanted more sympathy in responses from me, but I responded with my genuine opinions on the matter. I don't know, maybe if our relationship were better I wouldn't have been so quick to be blunt. My reactions to her are the result of on-going issues that never really get dealt with.
The thing is, this isn't new. We have been going through these phases of being angry with each other off and on for over a year.
So what do you think, do you salvage a friendship because she is your old friend, even though you get absolutely nothing out of the friendship anymore? Does it make you a crummy person for not sticking through the hard times with someone that used to mean so much to you?
Should I, yet again, suggest we talk in person and try to work through things, even though every time we have done this in the past something just happens a few weeks later?
I'm sorry this got long. I am just so frustrated! I appreciate any and all advice.
Re: I have friend drama
She won't talk to you except through text messages, even though you told her you don't like that, and you need help with communication?
There's a difference too between being there for someone when they're having a hard time, and being someone's punching bag. If a friend is struggling, I will probably excuse some of their bad behavior some of the time. But this seems to be an ongoing and much bigger problem. If it were me, I'd cut her loose until she grew up and started behaving herself.
^ what she said.
P, I am sorry you are going through this issue with your friend. I remember you talking so nicely about her right after your wedding. I have learned from the Lions this last year that the people that are the biggest problem do not see them as a problem.
IMO, I would just ignore her texts from now on until she grows up and respects your wishes to communicate in person or via phone. You can always send her a text msg saying something like, "I would prefer to discuss this with you over the phone and not text msg, please feel to call me anytime." That way the ball is in her court.
GL!
Great idea. So much is lost when you're not communicating face to face. Can you plan coffee or dinner?
Maybe it is time to take a break. Hopefully, her attitude is due to additional stress and hopefully in the future you can regain some of your closeness. I am willing to bet she is dealing with something she is not sharing with you (or at least, not totally). I'd try to take a step back, limit the contact and maybe in the future you can pick up in a better place
I'm sorry you are going through this, it hurts.
Lighthouse State Beach, Santa Cruz.
Thank you all so much! I think you're right, I do need to just step back and let her have some time to grow up. If she contacts me again, I'll let her know that I would prefer to speak in person. If we do speak in person, I'll tell her how the way she has been acting is negatively affecting me and why I would like some space. I sort of doubt I'll hear anything from her for a few weeks now, but that's okay. I have to make peace with the fact that this is happening and there isn't much that I can do about it.
Just telling someone what's going on helped. I already feel better. Thank you all!