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Parents Marital Problems
Recently - I have noticed that something was up with my parents, well over the course of the last couple of years. I live about 8 hours away from my parents, so I am not with them very often. When I was home - I noticed my parents were sleeping in separate rooms. I questioned it to my mom and she said nothing was wrong - she was just on a weird sleep schedule because of her working (she works 3pm - 3am at the ER).
I kept wanting to ask again when I noticed other things, but I just decided not to because I didn't want to open a can of worms. A couple of weeks ago, my dad and I were talking and he made mention to something and I finally just asked what he meant by that. And he basically told me everything that was going on.
He said its hard for him because he doesn't really know what is going on. She's not sleeping in the same bed let alone room with him. They don't talk anymore. Nothing. They have gone on two trips recently - and on the way home they were talking, and my Dad asked my Mom if she was going to divorce him. She said no why would you think that. He doesn't really know what else to think. She calls him every night when she is working on her "lunch" hour like nothing is wrong. But when they are together things are different.
I am very close to my parents, always have been. But things have just been different recently. My mom used to call me all the time, but doesn't anymore. I thought maybe she was taking a step back because I got married and thought maybe she thought I needed some space or something. When I do talk to her - its like we might as well not talk. We used to talk for hours.
My sister is at home seeing all of this and apparently is very unhappy at home because of it all. I talked to her about it after I found out - and she thinks they will work it out, that Mom just has something going on. But Mom won't talk to her either. Both Mom and Dad told her she couldn't tell me anything....
I was really hurt that nobody said anything to me. I saw my parents this past week when I was camping with my husband's family. Things are completely different. Mom was never near my dad except for when they drove up and away from the campsite. Even if I didn't know anything....I'm not an idiot, I can see it.
I want to say something to my Mom, but I'm not sure if it would be worth it. If she would just tell me nothing was up and drop it. Or if it would open something even more. I am very sensitive about it all.....And I'm just not sure what to do, if there is anything that I can do. Dad doesn't really want me to open the can of worms with Mom if I don't have to. I told him I was going to if she said something that made me think, "WTF".
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. 
Re: Parents Marital Problems
I honestly don't think that your father should have put you in that place to start with.
You should expect your parents to stay out of your marriage as you should stay out of theirs.
What gives you the right to question your mother about her marriage?
"Everything is fine" is usually code for "but out". Which is good advice for a daughter when asking about her mother's relationship with her husband.
You have a new marriage, you live far away. If your mother doesn't choose to confide in you, that's okay. This isn't really about you, its about her.
Your father, acting like he doesn't know what is going on in his own life and looking to you for answers is inappropriate. He may not be asking out-right, but he's asking. Even if he's pretending otherwise. Even if he's saying "oh no, don't open a can of worm" when he obviously wants you to. Its going to end badly. For all of you.
I do have one thought. How old is your mom? Could she be going through menopause. It can really mess with some women. Maybe your mom is going through menopause and is really struggling. Unfortunately, menopause can last from a short time to several years. One of my dear friends sort of went bonkers when she went through menopause. She HATED her husband during the time and divorced him, now she regrets it all so much.
Your dad might suggest that they visit the dr. together. There could be other things causing her to pull away from the family too (depression, stress, etc.).
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
I was kind of thinking that too about the menopause. I know its different for everyone, so maybe this is how she's dealing with it. I don't know. My sister seems to think everything will be fine. So only time will tell.
Dad suggested it - and she said no. So he's not pushing it. He's going to go without her, just to have someone to talk to and sort everything out.
Thanks for your help.
We are a very close family. He didn't put me in any place. He didn't ask me to talk to my mom, just kind of told me what was going on, finally.
Thanks for your input though.
Your mom shouldn't be telling your sister about her marital problems, and your dad shouldn't be telling you either. The two of them need some individual counselling, and some joint marital counselling. Since your mom doesn't seem to want to face the facts here and is the one withdrawing, your dad should go himself.
I agree w/ all of this.
This. DH's family is like this too, where the parents overshare their marital problems with the kids. It ends up being burdensome to the kids, and on top of that is just wildly inappropriate. They are your parents, not your friends, and they should be finding different people to confide in.
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste,
It all revolves around you.
Ditto this. Your parents marriage is none of your business. You want them both to be happy. How ever that happens is totally up to them.