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Clicky Poll: WWYD re: women's retreat w/ MIL
Backstory Part #1: we started going to our church on holidays to visit the ILs, who were going there. Somewhere along the way, we made it our church home, and the ILs started attending another church regularly. They still visit our church occasionally (say... 5x/year or less), but are still on the mailing list.
Backstory Part #2: I do not get along w/ my MIL. At all. Yes, we're nice & polite to each other, but pretty much we do not like each other, do not understand each other. I find her very unpleasant to be around or talk to. I cringe when DD stays with her (for a long laundry list of reasons, based on history), and find her to be disrespectful to not only myself, but DH as well.
Situation: our church is having a women's retreat in August (a weekend away, no TV, no cell phone reception). I've never attended since we've been going there, for various reasons, but had planned on attending this year. It's been on my calendar for a month, and I was actually getting excited about maybe finally connecting with some other women at the church, as I still know very few people there.
And then MIL called DH and said she got the email (remember, she's still on the mailing list) about the retreat, is planning to attend, has already invited my SIL and one of MIL's sisters, and asked DH to sign everybody up next Sunday, and she'll give him a check to take in to go ahead & pay.
Ugh. and Grr.
I feel like I should still go, but I am 90% sure I will just end up having a miserable time now.
It's not a huge church, and obviously even fewer people attend these things, so it's not like there will be a huge group of women for me to hide in. That, and I don't know anyone anyway, so the ILs will be the only people I really know, beyond a few casual acquantances.
The aunt & I get along fine, but the SIL... well, she seems to like me okay, but I've always gotten the vibe that she liked his XW better (they had a lot in common). But the big issue is MIL.
So... WWYD?
Re: Clicky Poll: WWYD re: women's retreat w/ MIL
I'm looking at it this way....if you don't go because of her, you're starting (or continuing) what could be a loooong trend of giving her power in *your* decision-making. You also could be potentially sulky all that weekend because you wouldn't be doing what you really wanted to be doing. I know I would be!
If you go, how miserable could you possibly be? I'm guessing the point of the retreat, at least partially, is to get to know and support each other, so there should be plenty of opportunities to get to know and interact with people you don't know. You can keep the contact with her as minimal as possible. In addition, if she does get crappy toward you, I'm thinking/hoping that somebody would notice and maybe even call her out on it.
I voted 'go', but with a caveat. You say that you were looking at this as an opportunity to connect with other women at the church, but then it sounds like if your MIL & SIL go - that's you'll be stuck spending time with them - which would defeat your entire purpose. So I would go but only if I could trust myself to stick to the plan and focus on reaching out to those other women. If you can't trust yourself to not be a wallflower at this thing, then stay home. My reason being -
If you pull a wallflower or act shy, then the default will be to only talk to the women you already know and yes, you'll be miserable, but it won't be their fault for being there - it will be yours for chickening out of meeting new people and retreating to a safety net. YOU will need to take the initiative to participate, to START conversation (v. waiting for people to talk to you), to be a 'doer' rather than a follower. And while I get your lack of enthusiasm about the MIL, you could take this as an opportunity to work on showing your SIL what an awesome person you are since you'll have turned on your 'client-facing' charm.
I think this is part of my concern too. That if she's there, I won't feel free to open up and experience the things that, well, are kinda the point of these kinds of retreats.
IDK. I appreciate everyone's responses. Still kinda undecided.
But I guess I'm leaning toward maybe going this year, and if it's a bad experience, then not going in the future if she goes. Or something.
Thanks again.