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How long is too long

We have some friends that will be relocating to Des Moines.  We're really excited about this.  However, they will be staying with us.  I thought they would be staying a week or so to find an apt etc.  Then the work "move" in was muttered.  Then DH says they're hoping for no longer than 2 months.  I'm panicking.  I have social anxieties as is, but when it comes to my home and personal space I'm crazy...I'm a cancer what can I say.  Talk me away from the edge :(.
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Re: How long is too long

  • Oh wow, I would be freaking out too. I'm similar to you in protecting my personal space.  Did you and DH discuss the time frame, did he ok that without talking to you, or did they just assume that long was ok?  Why would it take them so long to find an apartment?  How soon will they be coming?  If it were me, I would figure out what circumstances would be ok with me, discuss it with my H, and then maybe talk to them about what's best for everyone. I mean, you don't want to end up resenting your friends that you are excited to have relocate here.  Good luck!
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  • 2 months is too long for me personally. It really shouldn't take that long to find an apartment. Will they be helping with utility costs? Buy their own groceries? etc
    ?imageLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I would be freaking out too!  I would say a month tops.  Hopefully they help you out with some of the monthly expenses?   We had this happen to us when we were first married, our friends got a divorce, so he "moved in" temporarily with us.  Well what we thought was going to be a month or so turned out to about 6 months.  Lets just say i was miserable.  Plus it put a lot of strain on our marriage.  Hopefully they don't stay with you too long!
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  • Wow - I think a week is too long, but I'm a bit** like that when it comes to stuff like this. I think you should talk to them about how you're feeling - it's not worth risking your friendship or your sanity :). Good Luck!
    www.babiesandbroccoli.blogspot.com
  • Wow that is a long time! A week would be about enough for me!
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  • I would be freaking out too. That's way too long. A week would be more than plenty in my book. Maybe they can find an extedned stay or rent for 6 mos. on the flip side, I would never expect to stay with friends for more than a week. Especially with kids.
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  • Thank you.  Dh doesn't seem to understand and he seems to think we talked about it..um nope.  I am so stressed and mad.  He has already told them yes, so now I would look terrible telling them no.  But I do fear if they come for that long that things would be even uglier.  I get antsy with my own mother being here too long...and I can fart in front of her ;)  I thought the roommate days were long gone and believe me I wasn't good at them then.  :(  I could do a week and muster all my strength for maybe two..but two months? Give me the strength.  Oh did I mention they have two adult dogs, five puppies, two cats and two turtles?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imageJ.Johnson-Smith:
      Oh did I mention they have two adult dogs, five puppies, two cats and two turtles?

    O.M.G.   ...Did you tell DH he'd better get to work on either building them their own zoo in the back yard or finding a hotel for you?  lol

    I feel so badly for you. That seriously sucks. 

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  • First of all, all of those pets would be a deal breaker for me.  They need to find a pet sitter if this is the plan.

    My advice is to be very up front with expectations before they come.  I have had similar situation(s) and it did not work well with my personality.  We bought our home in May 2006.  My SIL graduated from college in Illinois and found a job here.  DH asked if she could live with us until she found an apartment.  So she came in July, just a couple of months after moving into our first home together.  Well, she decided to buy a home instead, which of course takes longer than finding a place to rent.  We were getting married in October, so I wanted her out by then.  Things still weren't settled for her to close, so she didn't actually move out until November, after we returned from our honeymoon.  I was not happy and it was not the way I wanted to start a marriage or my relationship with my SIL.  I should have learned my lesson, but just a month after that our friends were moving back here from Texas.  They came in December and didn't leave until April.  We pretty much pushed them out the door at that point and haven't really been friends since (some other things factored into that as well, but that's a whole other novel....er...I mean post).  However, SIL did help out financially.  Our "friends" didn't give us a dime the entire time.  I still want to kick myself for letting it go on that long.

    Sorry for my long winded response, but if this is going to happen, you guys really need to be candid about everything.  Good luck!

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  • imageJ.Johnson-Smith:
    Oh did I mention they have two adult dogs, five puppies, two cats and two turtles?

    Oh my, the amount of animals ruins it for me too.  I was thinking I could handle a month but with 2 dogs, 5 puppies, 2 cats and 2 turtles a week would be generous. 

    Besides, how are they going to find an apartment that will let them keep all of those animals and rent?  I could see this causing an issue, and if they are staying in your house they may be there a long time before they find a place to rent that has such a liberal pet policy.

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  • imageJ.Johnson-Smith:
    Oh did I mention they have two adult dogs, five puppies, two cats and two turtles?

    No wonder it will take them 2 months to find a place to live. With this added info, I think your DH must be crazy.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I can speak from personal experience being the ones that moved in with friends until we found a place to live.

    My friend was wonderful and looked at probably a half dozen houses for us I found on CL before we moved.  She narrowed it down for us (I trusted her judgement).  We ended up staying with them for a week until the moving company got our stuff out here.  We had our own bedroom and bathroom and they have a fairly large house with plenty of space.  Even at the week mark, it was getting to the point of ok, we need to move out and get our own space.

    2 months is WAY TOO LONG IMO.  You need to talk with your H and make a united stand of expectations.  GL!

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  • imageJ.Johnson-Smith:
    Thank you.  Dh doesn't seem to understand and he seems to think we talked about it..um nope.  I am so stressed and mad.  He has already told them yes, so now I would look terrible telling them no.  But I do fear if they come for that long that things would be even uglier.  I get antsy with my own mother being here too long...and I can fart in front of her ;)  I thought the roommate days were long gone and believe me I wasn't good at them then.  :(  I could do a week and muster all my strength for maybe two..but two months? Give me the strength.  Oh did I mention they have two adult dogs, five puppies, two cats and two turtles?

    IndifferentIndifferent   WTF?  That's a HUGE inconvenience.  You can't have them all living with your for TWO MONTHS. Hellz no!

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