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Is this normal?
So, for the first year or so my SO and I had sex basically as much as we could. Now, we don't. The past 6 months or so I feel like I am the one begging for it. We never have sex, and the only thing he talks about or wants to do is oral. And great, that is fine and I do it everytime for him, but what about me? I feel like maybe he isn't attracted to me in that way anymore. Of course my mind darts over to cheating, but there is no time for him to cheat he is always with me or at work... and we work together just in different buildings. I am just frustrated. He says it's because he just doesn't think about it, or because he isn't like most guys who need to have sex and think about sex all day everyday. If this is true, then okay. I am just worried that it has something to do with me. I am insecure, and I have terrible anxiety so I just worry. I give him so many opportunities to be honest and tell me what he needs, or tell me if he doesn't feel the same way and he always says he loves me and he wants me and feels the same. I feel like we are just friends now, I don't know where the romance went. Maybe it's normal, but I don't think so.
I know this is poorly written, I am at work and trying to do this fast and my mind is racing a mile a minute. Ugh, I just need advice.
Re: Is this normal?
How often are you giving him oral?
I'm just thinking, if H gave me oral all the time, I might not be wanting to jump his bones all that often either, I mean, I'm already getting off, so why bother? Maybe you need to lay off on the bj's a bit even if he is asking.
Spoken to him about this? If you haven't, you should.
When there's a disconnect with sex, something's amiss.
After discussing this and he still won't do his part, it's possible that this relationship's over. If you are not happy that your sex life isn't so great with your SO, why should you stay with him if he won't ante up or if the relationship has seen its day? Move on -- you're worth more than this.
I understand the whole giving oral, then he doesn't want sex anymore. I get that. But that is not the problem, it's where he asks for that only. No sex. I try to say I want more and he goes "oh yeah, we will don't worry" and of course we never do.
I always try to talk about it and he's always saying everythings fine, and not to worry, and it's just how he is. Well, if he doesn't think about sex all the time like most men, why does he still think about oral? Idk I am just irritated.
I'm just not ready to call it quits because I do care for him a lot. I am just worried we are more like friends, than in a relationship.
So you think the problem is that he doesn't want sex, just wants oral and not the fact that he's taking what he wants and not giving you what you want?
A lot of guys like oral even better than sex (more pressure, tightness, easier). But the thing is when he asks you and you say yes all the time and then say that you want more sex he never actually gives it to you but you are still going for the oral. Why not stop doing oral and when he asks say "actually I want sex" or "me first" or use oral as the foreplay and when YOU are ready let him know you want more.
If he's not even trying I don't see why you're with him. He sounds kinda like a jerk.
From the sounds of this it seems like you need to be more direct. Instead of saying things like "whats wrong?" or "do you find me attractive?", get straight to the point. Say "listen, I know we have talked about this before but I feel that x y and z are missing from our sex life." And if he says that this is just how he is than you need to tell him that it is not working for you and that the two of you need to find some sort of middle ground. Beating around the bush never gets anyone anywhere.
This is not normal. Sex (even oral sex) is 50/50. No, sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but if you are not happy, why continue? Imo, i would stop giving him oral altogether. He is not being fair to you, making it all about him.
You need to ask yourself... how long are you willing to put up with this? And are you 100% happy with him? This is one-sided and will continue to be as long as you let it.