Family Matters
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Vent: nearly estranged family members

I'm nearly estranged from my family and I'm obsessing about this because he'll probably tell me to be nice and put the passed behind me. That in itself is amusing because I'm always the the one that "does" stuff, they never take responsibility for their own actions. 

*I'm a basket case*

I may DD this later...

ETA: I removed some content

Re: Vent: nearly estranged family members

  • You don't have to meet with him. It's perfectly acceptable to say something like, "I appreciate the gesture, but I am not interested." If he presses, "I've told you how I feel on this subject and I will not discuss it any further with you."
  • Why is this freaking you out?
  • imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?
    I"m wondering the same thing.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure this is an overall hard situation.

    BUT - it sounds like you've dealt w/ this before, and you'll probably always have someone thinking its on you to "give in". So why is this freaking you out?  It sounds like it's a shock, and I"m not sure why.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?
    I"m wondering the same thing.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure this is an overall hard situation.

    BUT - it sounds like you've dealt w/ this before, and you'll probably always have someone thinking its on you to "give in". So why is this freaking you out?  It sounds like it's a shock, and I"m not sure why.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • CatGalCatGal member
    Ancient Membership

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?

    We have no relationship.  There's no reason for him to "announce" that he's going to call unless he wants something from me (which is part of the reason we are mostly estranged). 

    Yes, my family still has a strange hold on me - one reason I stay away and have extremely low contact with them. Both he and mother are narcissists with mother being the neglecting kind, brother being the golden child. But that's a story for another post. 

     

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?
    I"m wondering the same thing.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure this is an overall hard situation.

    BUT - it sounds like you've dealt w/ this before, and you'll probably always have someone thinking its on you to "give in". So why is this freaking you out?  It sounds like it's a shock, and I"m not sure why.

     ECB: You're right. I'm not sure either.  Except that my life without them has been so much nicer, calmer and all around drama-free. He "needs an ear" - never in his life has he considered me more than an ingrate, and so to give him "an ear to hear him out", I'm wondering "what do they want from me to do now" or "what did I do now?"  There's a lot of lying and dishonesty and a lot of it has been directed at me.  It's put me on the defensive a lot, even if I didn't do anything.

  • CatGalCatGal member
    Ancient Membership

    imagedoglove:
    You don't have to meet with him. It's perfectly acceptable to say something like, "I appreciate the gesture, but I am not interested." If he presses, "I've told you how I feel on this subject and I will not discuss it any further with you."

    Thank you for the suggestions.  I always forget that I have options like this. 

  • I'm sorry. :(

    Just remember that you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. If you're not comfortable talking to/meeting up with him, then say no.

  • imageCatGal:

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?

    We have no relationship.  There's no reason for him to "announce" that he's going to call unless he wants something from me (which is part of the reason we are mostly estranged). 

    Yes, my family still has a strange hold on me - one reason I stay away and have extremely low contact with them. Both he and mother are narcissists with mother being the neglecting kind, brother being the golden child. But that's a story for another post. 


     

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?
    I"m wondering the same thing.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure this is an overall hard situation.

    BUT - it sounds like you've dealt w/ this before, and you'll probably always have someone thinking its on you to "give in". So why is this freaking you out?  It sounds like it's a shock, and I"m not sure why.

     ECB: You're right. I'm not sure either.  Except that my life without them has been so much nicer, calmer and all around drama-free. He "needs an ear" - never in his life has he considered me more than an ingrate, and so to give him "an ear to hear him out", I'm wondering "what do they want from me to do now" or "what did I do now?"  There's a lot of lying and dishonesty and a lot of it has been directed at me.  It's put me on the defensive a lot, even if I didn't do anything.

    Then he doesn't get "an ear" from you. Sorry. He's proven that he's abused that privledge in the past and there is no evidence to assume he won't do it righ tnow. So, no, you don't get my time and attention.

    Does that make you a horrible-ungrateful-b!tchonwheels- who'sruining-and-abandoning the family?

    Yup.

    Oh, well. Sucks for him. 

  • imagelivingitup:
    imageCatGal:

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?

    We have no relationship.  There's no reason for him to "announce" that he's going to call unless he wants something from me (which is part of the reason we are mostly estranged). 

    Yes, my family still has a strange hold on me - one reason I stay away and have extremely low contact with them. Both he and mother are narcissists with mother being the neglecting kind, brother being the golden child. But that's a story for another post. 


     

    imagelivingitup:
    Why is this freaking you out?
    I"m wondering the same thing.  Don't get me wrong - I'm sure this is an overall hard situation.

    BUT - it sounds like you've dealt w/ this before, and you'll probably always have someone thinking its on you to "give in". So why is this freaking you out?  It sounds like it's a shock, and I"m not sure why.

     ECB: You're right. I'm not sure either.  Except that my life without them has been so much nicer, calmer and all around drama-free. He "needs an ear" - never in his life has he considered me more than an ingrate, and so to give him "an ear to hear him out", I'm wondering "what do they want from me to do now" or "what did I do now?"  There's a lot of lying and dishonesty and a lot of it has been directed at me.  It's put me on the defensive a lot, even if I didn't do anything.

    Then he doesn't get "an ear" from you. Sorry. He's proven that he's abused that privledge in the past and there is no evidence to assume he won't do it righ tnow. So, no, you don't get my time and attention.

    Does that make you a horrible-ungrateful-b!tchonwheels- who'sruining-and-abandoning the family?

    Yup.

    Oh, well. Sucks for him. 

     

    Yep, this! 

    image
    74 books read in 2011
    image
  • CatGalCatGal member
    Ancient Membership
    Thank you everyone. I still forget sometimes that I have a choice. Smile
  • WIth your update, either ignore his email or just say "Sorry, I don't have time"!   You owe him nothing. 

    Good luck.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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