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Late Night Vent...and a wee bit long.....
GRRRRR!!!!! I think birth mom is completely unreasonable. When we got custody of SS his BM gave us his important papers, social security card, med records but only a copy of his birth record. No big deal at the time. Well now that SS is going to be 16 and looking at drivers training he needs the original birth record in order to sign up for classes and get his licences.
So SS FB's BM asking if she has it? She say no, I gave it to your Dad when you moved in with him if he can't find it you should be able to get one through the court system.
So SS ask us again are you sure. So I go through every single possible file I have that has to deal with SS. Medial folder, dental folder, school folders, even DH's friend of the court papers. Nope just like I remember we don't have it and never did. I even had saved the envelope she gave us back in 2005 with the information. Nope just a copy.
So SS FB BM again say that we for sure dont have it and then he also adds in that he and Dad (my DH) also want to change his (SS) last name to Dh's last name becuase it would make a lot of things up here easier. She responds (in my opinon kind of snotty) Well your have to order a new, I gave it your Dad and he should have put it in a place where it wouldn't get lost. She then states that Dh should call her on the phone about the name change b/c it should be done through FB.
She then sends a 2nd message stating, that she grew up with a different last name from everyone in here family and it didn't make a difference for her and she thinks he should wait until he is 18 or a more mature adult before making this decision. That she didn't change her name until she got married and that SS having the last name he does is her last connection to her and if he changes it she wont have any connection left. She also stated that she doesn't see him or get to talk to him either and that's really hard b/c he her 1st born and very special to her.
Ok REALLY!! One who's fault is it the she does see him. She lives in NC over 800 miles away. We have never stopped her from seeing him she has had our phone numbers at all times so she could have called when ever she wanted. She didn't!! She has the right to fly him down to NC and change parenting time. SHE DIDN'T!! When we got SS she is the one who told the court she only wanted to see him 1x a month instead of ever other weekend like normal. She didn't call until he got his own personal cell phone and even then it wasn't often. She didn't call before because she doesn't want to deal with DH or anyone on this side of the family b/c she can't handle confutation.
I don't get it. SS is the only one with this last name. BM name is the same as her now hubby and the same as the kids she raises. SS Grandma doesn't have the same name b/c she remarried when SS Mom was 6 or 7, so now that he has ever met has the same last name. Aunt's Uncle cousins NO ONE. DH and BM were young and not married when they had SS so she filled out the paperwork for the birth record. OK fine whatever but the kids rightful name should be DH's. And if she so happens to try and play that card of well we were not married I will make sure DH brings up that her 10 yr old was also born out of wedlock but has his father's last name and they didn't get married until the kids was 4 or 5.
Really we asked both out of trying to be nice and to make things a bit easier. We can force this though the court and she would be asked to appear in person to give reason why the name change should happen. She recently started to pay child support but it isn't the monthly amount ordered by the court. I personally think she paid just enough to get the bench warrant removed so she could come up and see him again. However in going through the paper from the court the last paperwork stated that if she failed to continue monthly payments of the set amount that the warrant could be issued again. So far she is still paying but not the full amount.
I talked to my BFF in NJ and she said it sounds like BM is trying to play a guilt trip. SS has wanted his Dad's last name for a while now and doesn't get why it is different b/c his half-brother was born in the same way but got his dad's name
It has caused problems in the past b/c they are different. People expect that maybe a Mom and kid would have a different last name but not so much a Dad and kid. In the past DH has had to show court custody paper's in order to gain medial test records. At least twice a year we get a call for Mr. ss's last name. If we go on trips we take copies of the custody order so if something happens no body thinks we are committing parental kidnapping or something. Plus is hurts DH, myself and his family that this kid doesn't have the same last name. I think that sometimes it is hard on SS because he feels he doesn't belong really anywhere. Mom's side doesn't have a matching name, Dad's family doesn't have a matching name, so where do I belong.
So now I'm all reved up and can't sleep and I'm suppose to work in the am too. Thanks for the vent again girls.
Re: Late Night Vent...and a wee bit long.....
I'm sorry, Deeder. We have friends going through custody issues and major drama from their child's flaky birth mom, and it just sounds so awful. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this sort of stuff too.
I don't have any advice, but I hope things get straightened out soon.
How fortunate for him that he has an awesome step mom like you to help him figure this all out. I am sorry that his birth mom can't be more understanding of his feelings. I hope he gets his name changed and can move forward.
Thanks for the support girls. It been frustrating for a few years now. SS has wanted to change his name since he figured out that his half brother has his lasts name and his Mom and now stepdad were not married when he was born. I asked DH what he thought of BM's last message and he said No Way! Is that the only leg she has to stand on? It's going to happen and if she doesn't like it she can tell it to the Judge.
BM really doesn't like conflict and usually avoid's it especially with DH. I have a feeling she is huffing and puffing but when it comes to the time to provide a reason why the name change shouldn't happen and be in an actually court room, I think she will go back into hiding.
I was able to find through SS FB account that she has been in MI when she was wanted on a bench warrant. It Looks like they came up every Summer for a few weeks. This mean she chose to not have visitation time with her own son. By law we couldn't have stopped her from seeing him.
Sorry if I bring it up a few more time in the future but she is a thorn in my side.