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I feel like a failure (long)
I had a really sh!tty day yesterday.
It was my first day of classes and the first one went really well. I walked into the secong class (which happens to have the same instructor) and he says "what are you doing in here?"
I'm like "taking your class?"....
Apparently the dumba$s advisor that signed me up for classes signed me up for a class that required my other class as a pre-requisite.
He basically told me I'm setting myself up for an F if I stay in the class. Since I stayed for the first class, my refund is already down to 80%. I chose to stay and see if I thought I could handle it, because I knew if I didn't my manager would be even more p!ssed about this. I did make it through, but it certainly wasn't easy and he said that it will only get worse. Without the knowledge from the other class I'm in, I'm going to be pretty lost.
Now I have to talk to my manager about dropping this class. Which is a conversation I'm truly dreading. I started signed up for 3 classes this summer and now I'm suddenly going to be down to 1 (this drop and another was canceled).
My manager already wants me to take 2 classes in Fall/Winter, but I don't even see how that's possible since the end 2 weeks AFTER my due date. Now she'll be pushing for me to take 3. I was already advised by instructors and advisors at the college to wait until the spring semester, but my manager won't back down. It's frustrating.
I don't know if it's all the baby hormones or what, but I've been a crying mess since I left class last night. I just can't keep my sh!t together and I think I'm scaring H.
I know it's stupid, but I feel like I'm failing my employer by not being able to handle this. I just feel stuck.
It doesn't help me either that the stupid cafeteria at the school was closed yesterday so I had to resort to vending machines for a quick "dinner". Which I'm sure is just effing great for the baby. To top that off I've been crampy, probably from all the stress. I have my regular OB appt. today so hopefully all is well.
Re: I feel like a failure (long)
You are not a failure. How could you have known? The blame is squarely on the shoulders of the advisor who mistakenly signed you up for the class.
I'm sorry your boss is being so pushy, maybe it's because they want you in a different role and maybe she is pushing you because someone pushed her. It doesn't even matter, Michelle.
You need to do what works for you, for your family, and for the health and welfare of your baby. If it takes longer to get through the classes SO BE IT. The manager is going to have to deal with whatever you decide you can do. Don't be bullied into taking on more than you can handle.
it's not your fault! Your advisor did a stupid thing, and being lost in a class you haven't taken the prereq for has nothing to do with your abilities. Can you do an independent study now to replace the class that was cancelled so you can at least do 2 classes this term?
Also, your manager is being unfair! To expect you to do something your instructors advise against is silly. Can your advisor maybe drop your manager an email and explain why the manager's idea is bad?
Good luck!
That sounds so frustrating. I put complete and total blame on your advisor, they always mess up everything. I'm sure your manager will understand that you can't take those two classes at the same time. I give you props for trying to stick it out, but it may only upset you further to stay in the second class.
As for the freakouts, it's completely ok to feel upset about going from three classes to one, and worrying about working around the due date next semester. Just remember to breathe and think of the baby if you get too worked up.
And IMHO, I don't think a dinner of doritos and poptarts will hurt the baby (that's what prenatals are for, picking up the slack sometimes) so definitely don't worry about that. Dumb cafeteria not being open, I saw that on your facebook status and was mad about it for you.
I think you are being very brave about going back to school and one class is better than none, so feel great about that and the fact that you're growing a human, because that's pretty cool too.
:Blog:
Definitely not a failure. Going to school and working FT alone are hard enough for the average person. Add in covering for missing coworkers and oh yeah, being pregnant, and I think the emotions are expected.
Andrea's right--you need to do what's right for you and your family. Think about it this way: 10, 20, 30 years from now, what will matter to you most? Your job? Your degree? Or your family? While it's good to progress your career, maybe now is not the time, and that's no fault of your own. You got pregnant. That is your number one priority now and it should be. And your boss should understand that.
It stinks, but you need to sit down with him and explain it. And if he blames you for the advisor placing you in the wrong course, he's an ahole and can't be reasoned with, so don't even worry about it. But I don't think he will. He may be upset or annoyed about it, but he can't hold it against you.
And I'm not in the higher ed world but I would think they would refund your tuition for the course, since it's clearly the advisor's fault. Get on the horn to registration today and explain it. I'm sure that kind of thing happens more than we know.
And if anyone gives you guff, start crying and play the pregnancy card. Ef it. You're not weak, but these circumstances were out of your control.
You are definitely not a failure! You should definitely be getting a full refund for that class; 80% for staying for one evening, that's bullsh!t. Especially when it's their fault that you shouldn't be in the class to begin with.
As for your boss, just be honest because that's all you can do. You can't help that one class got cancelled and that you're not even supposed to be in the other one. Here's a valid point, would they rather you take the class now, fail and then they have to pay for you to take it again? I would also bring up the issue that being at one class may be a blessing in disguise a for your company since your other FT worker is out and you have to train the PT and the intern; wouldn't they rather make sure the work around there is actually getting done as opposed to you taking a class that you realistically shouldn't be taking?
Good luck sweetie, hope everything is good when you go to the doctor!
Stand up for something you believe in.
*Big Hugs*
You are not a failure!! School is hard enough and to expect you to pass a class that you need a particular class first before even getting in is crazy!! Hopefully the teacher can email your manager and tell them that there is no way to take a class (and be successful in it) without the prereq first.
Everyone else is right on. You are NOT a failure, and this is not your fault. I would definitely fight for a full refund since this was your advisors fault.
Also, your boss will just have to get over it. Your baby comes first and if you feel overloaded, you need to take a step back. School will still be there in the spring. Circumstances change, so your boss is going to have to be more flexible.
*hugs* hope you feel better, sweetie!
The ladies before me have said it all so well, so I don't have much to add other than I give you a lot of credit for taking on all this stuff right now! It would be a lot for anyone to handle, and you have to be firm and take care of what is right for you and your baby first and foremost. Your manager will just have to deal, going from 3 to 1 classes is not your fault and beyond your control. It is probably much better for you to be only taking 1 class right now.
<<hugs>>
You are definitely not a failure! Like others said, definitely talk to the advisor about getting a full refund since it was his/her fault. As for your manager, I have nothing to add that others didn't already say. It sucks to feel like you let your work down and can't juggle everything, but you're juggling a lot of things and don't feel bad because you shouldn't have to juggle all of those things.
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
One more vote for DEFINITELY not a failure!!
You are trying your best and you have a LOT on your plate right now. I agree with everyone else, that advisers suck. When I did my undergrad, I was so anal retentive that I had my entire 4 years mapped out before my first advising meeting and my adviser suggested classes a). I didn't even like and b), had no relevance to what I was studying! I requested a new adviser. So, I suggest you have a sit down with your adviser about dropping the class and getting a FULL refund. Also only IF you feel up to taking on another class, ask about another class. Even if you end up having to eat that 20%, it's better than suffering through something and possibly failing due to someones stupid mistake.
And for your boss, I definitely agree with V--put a positive spin on this. It's a blessing in disguise that now you are down to one class and have the time to help make sure things around the workplace are going smoothly with your other coworker out. And I know how hard it is to be confident in your ideas with a boss who is so pushy about it. No matter how you spin it, you still feel like the jerk at the end even though you're being completely reasonable.
And as for your due date 2 weeks after the other classes. If and only if you can manage it, you can do the 2 classes you were supposed to take. As soon as you get your schedule for that term you talk to your adviser AND your instructors about labor being a real possibility. You can set up alternate final times, different due dates for assignments, and other things to help you get through the ends of the classes while making a little person. I ended up running out on one of my midterms once because my BFF texted me that she was going into labor. I had told my instructor beforehand the situation and I took the rest of the test that evening after BFF's son was born during my instructor's office hours. They should be willing to work with you, ESPECIALLY since it's your own body.
If you need to talk, let me know, okay? {{hugs}} Hope your appointment goes well today.
I'm sorry Michelle:(
I totally agree with the other girls...it's not your fault and you're already taking on so much! There's no need to feel bad/guilty for things that are out of your control.
Just stick to your guns and do what is best for you and your family:)
I hope things get better soon!
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Thanks everyone. Sorry for the post & run.
I spent an hour hashing everything out with my manager yesterday. She's certainly not happy about it, but I stuck to my guns and told her how it had to be. We're working on a potential compromise for me to take one fall course - I have a meeting with the instructor for that course this afternoon.
My appointment went well, OB had trouble finding the heartbeat at first but after "chasing my baby" for a while she found a nice strong h/b at 160 BPM
. My blood pressure was a little high, but I'm hoping that was just because of what's been going on and it will go back down.
Glad you stuck to your guns and that you have a plan B in place. And your boss is gonna have to get over it.
Glad the appt went well too, and that your BP comes back down. All that stress can't have been helping!
updated 10.03.12