Sex & Romance
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How to ease her nerves.
This isnt specifically sex related but I have a friend who is phobic of anything "down there" she has panic attacks at the gyno, cannot use a tampon and has never had sex or showed interest in sex. She is fearful. I told her to start with a slim-fit plastic applicator tampon and get used to that and then work up to a regular etc. Would dilators be a good option for her? If they would, is this something to use before or after the tampon. Really what Im asking is what is a good starting point? Thanks!
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Re: How to ease her nerves.
I think she ought to see a doc for a complete physical checkup and a sex therapist.
Something's not right here. Was she ever sexually abused or sexually molested?
On the off chance far shot --- has she ever had sex before or attempted to do so?
And if she did, was penetration very difficult or impossible?
I am wondering -- and if this is if that's the case and applicable -- she might have a condition that makes penetration impossible; either her hymen is still fully intact or she might have a particularly bad case of vaginisimus.
You and she need to have a talk about what's happening. Honesty is key -- from her in particular and with you.
An intact hymen can be removed surgically -- there's a thread running about this; it's a bit firther down.
This was me 3 years ago. I would recommend finding a therapist to talk to and an understanding gynecologist who will give her some kind of anti-anxiety medication for the visit (i.e. Xanax) to calm her down a little (she will have to have someone drive her to and from the appointment) and do her best to see if there is something wrong - a microperforate hymen, vaginismus, etc. Both of those can absolutely be treated with surgery (in the former) and/or sex therapy (dilators, creams, etc).
The smallest of my dilators was only the size of my pinkie, and I was able to work up to one that's the size of a medium large-ish penis within about 6 months.
It's great that you're being a supportive friend. This has probably been a difficult, embarrassing situation for her and having someone to talk to is important.