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Keeping him accountable
If you and your H or SO are working to move forward from an emotional affair, I think it's only appropriate to ask for cell phone records to keep him accountable. How would you ask for this?
DH seems to think it's controlling and an invasion of privacy. I totally disagree. I have nothing to hide and without hestitation would provide the records in an effort to remove any suspicion that they may have.
My reason for wanting to see the records WITH HIM is to prove that I did have a valid reason for my suspicion. It would also serve as a reality check for him that his frequent communication with this other woman was completely inappropriate. It is too easy to delete phone calls and messages that are being exchanged. The cell phone records will not lie.
Re: Keeping him accountable
Sorry, but he lost that privacy once he decided to cheat and you decided to stay with him and move forward in your relationship. I would be weary of someone who wasn't openly honest with you regarding cell phone charges/ text messages or call details.
Why would you continue to stay with someone if he wasn't willing to be transparent? How are you supposed to rebuild trust if he is still keeping things private? I think you are going to have a hard time demanding to see his bills/records if he has this attitude.
When trust is gone, forget it. Hard to reattain and sometimes it's not reestablished at all.
This is like being his mom, not his wife: keep him accountable?
So you're wondering did he or didn't he makie phone calls he was not to make -- he deleted them and you cannot get them? I believe you can call the phone carrier and ask for a copy of them to be PDFed and emailed to you.
If you know he did something like this and you don't have to see phone records to know it, you wre better off saying goodbye to him right there. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Has he admitted to the emotional affair? From your last paragraph I get the impression that he has not.
I don't know how you move on when he hasn't admitted to the EA and is not willing to show you he has changed.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I would never be in this situation so I can t really give you an answer...if he had an emotional affair I wouldnt need to check his phone records because he'd be gone.
Ofcourse he doesnt want to show you...it is worse than you think!
I just dont get why you want to be with a man like this and live the rest of your life doing this/.
This exactly.
Yep, he can just as well get another phone to call her on or set up an email account or find another way to reach her.
I think you need to decide whether or not you're going to spend a significant amount of your life checking to make sure your H's story is straight.
Then, you need to decide if it (meaning wasting your life reading his phone bill or snooping in his email) is worth it to stay with him.
You just might be surprised where the answers to these questions lead you.
This, exactly.
His privacy would be gone the second I found out he was cheating. I don't know if I'd be willing to stay in the relationship, but if I did, it would take complete transparency on his part. And he'd have to admit to the affair. Otherwise, how the hell are you supposed to be on the same page moving forward?
If he's not willing to re-earn your trust, then you can't trust him.
If you can't trust him, youi can't be married to him in any meaningful/healthy way.
Logically, that means you can't be married to this man, no?
If he isn't trying to regain your trust why are you trying so hard to hold him accountable?
His lack of effort show me where you stand to him.
This. And if he wants to continue his EA, he will get another email account or a different phone.
It is. Of course it is. You know that. You are actually asking "how do I keep him accountable". That's the definition of control. You are scrolling through his phone records, that invades his privacy.
Based on his actions, these things are necessary. There is no point denying what it is or that it's necessary. Sorry, he doesn't get to go about his business without proving that he's not cheating on you, until he proves he's not cheating on you. That requires giving up a measure of control and privacy. Sucks for him.
You need to tell him goodbye. He's got cheating on his mind. If not with her, then with somebody else.