Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone had to seek guardianship of a parent?
My mom has been diagnosed as bipolar and possible early dementia. She refuses to pay most bills and lots of them are in collections. Some of her behavior is reckless. Because of these reasons and a few others we have filed for guardianship and conservatorship.
Just curious if anyone has done so and what their experience has been like. I know without any doubt that my mom will fight all the way and not make anything easy on us.
Also, what was the hearing like?
Re: Anyone had to seek guardianship of a parent?
I would imagine some kind of cognitive exam for your mom...
It's easier if you can do this with another individual. It adds to the transparency of the procedure. My mother and aunt are guardians for their sister who has dementia; I will be meeting with the lawyer next week to be added as a abck up should one of them be unable to perform this duty. They're in their mid-70s so this is a possibility.
That has already happened. The observing person determined that she needs a guardian.
I am seeking guardianship and asking that my brother be appointed conservator. I did this so everything wouldn't be all on me and so that we would be a checks and balance for each other. Unless I am confusing it with something else, I believe the attorney told me we could not go the route of a trustee because of the limited amount of money. Since they are paid a % none of the public ones would take it. But thanks for the information, I will check into it and just make sure I am not confusing it with something else.
Good luck to you too!
She has a very limited family. Her sister is the only person I am concerned about causing external issues for us. My two brothers are on board and we will have discussions regarding next steps. Ultimately decisions will be mine, but my brother's opinion will be considered and weighed into the equation. We've been through so much the past 8 or whatever months and have had to make many decisions together. For the most part, we have been reasonable towards one another.
I would highly encourage you to get joint guardianship with your brother OR once you obtain guardianship, hire an independent person (maybe an accountant or attorney) to handle all of the finances. As a CPA, I see this sort of thing tear families apart. Typically they disagree over how the guardian is handling/handled the finances. Not to mention, sometimes once you obtain guardianship you find out that things are in a much worse mess than you ever dreamed (i.e. tax returns haven't been filed in YEARS). If your mother is as against this as you say, having an independent person handle all of her stuff will prevent a lot of emotional stress down the road.
There are several great attorneys & accountants in your area that specialize in this sort of thing if you choose to take this route. I'm not trying to be a debbie-downer & I wish you the best of luck with this as I know this is a difficult time in your lives.
I am not sure how the procedure works in other states. I am an attorney licensed in Oregon and my practice areas include guardianships and conservatorships. In this state, guardianship is control over the person; conservatorships over the person's property. A trust is a separate arrangement made by an individual before losing capacity for the management of assets in the event of incapacity of death, and combined with a power of attorney and health care power of attorney can avoid the very public nature of a protective proceeding or probate.
Generally, I dislike contested protective proceedings. Some of that may be due to the county in which I practice; our local probate judge is very concerned about the civil liberties aspect of protective proceedings. This is good, but frustrating for family members who are seeing a decline and don't have slam-dunk evidence of it. I tell them that it comes down to the fact that adults are allowed to make bad decisions, but the standard for the imposition of a guardianship is that the person is unable to meet his or her essential needs and is in imminent danger of bodily harm. I was present in the courtroom once when the judge denied a guardianship for a homeless alcoholic man who didn't know the date or the year - the petitioner was unable to convince the judge that he was in imminent danger of bodily harm, despite a social worker's testimony that he would not survive the winter on the streets. The petitioner in that case did not appear at the hearing, and I think that was a big part of why she lost. Still, it astonished me.
The hearing is a mini-trial - the petitioner carries the burden of proof in showing that the respondent is unable to care for herself. You'll want statements from physicians (to the extent they can provide it), social workers, a mini mental status examination or something far more comprehensive, etc. The contested proceedings I've been involved in end up costing several thousand dollars. It's not easy. You'll want to talk to your attorney about the standard in your state and then think about specific examples of how your mother is in danger. Can she not manage medications? Does she wander away and get lost? Is she combative and violent with family, strangers, etc.? Is she suicidal? What less restrictive measures have you attempted to resolve these problems?
Good luck.
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