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Clicky Poll: Okay, are we being unreasonable? (long)
I was gonna post a vent yesterday, but doubt keeps creeping in. Maybe we are being unreasonable. And you ladies have set me straight before so... you tell me.
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Background: DH is a trained mechanic, and is the family's go-to guy for all things mechanical. Whether it's fixing cars, lawn mowers, jet skis, consulting before buying used cars, even handy-work around the house - he's it. All of which he does for free, (labor is free, but whoever's stuff it is pays for any necessary parts) because it's family.
DH's brother, let's call him "Hank", has a son, let's call him "Bob", who is away at college. By "away", I mean 60-90 minutes, not like really far.
Situation: back in December Bob's car broke down while he was at college. Hank talked to DH about it, and of course DH agreed to look at it. So they had it towed from college to our house the last week in December.
Well, we don't have extra workspace in our garage, so the car is outside in our driveway. And with the winter we had (you remember?), it was mid-January before DH could work on it. And... the problem ended up being bad. I forget what it is (I'm not a car girl), but parts alone, wholesale, are around $600. Retail parts + labor and it runs over $3000 at a traditional shop.
So DH informs Hank & Bob, and asks what they want to do, because it's an older car and they had indicated before they didn't want to put very much $$ into it.
They say they'll get back to him.
The car is still in our driveway.
Bob stopped returning DH's calls & texts back in March. We've had zero communication with him since then.
Hank only answers about half the time, and says he'll have to talk to Bob.
Oh, I should mention the car is titled under Bob's name.
What happened? So DH calls Hank again over the weekend, and says listen, are you gonna buy the part or not? If you buy the part, I'll still do the labor for free. If you just wanna junk the car, get me the title, and I'll take care of junking it for you. But I'm tired of having a broken down car in my driveway.
Hank goes off on him. Starts yelling at him about how dare he even ask that they move the car, and telling him he's ungrateful because how many times did DH borrow Hank's car when DH was a teenager and now DH owes him this.
DH keeps telling him "Listen, I'll do all the work, or take care of junking it for you, but I need a decision, I don't want this car in my driveway any longer."
His brother won't hear it and basically makes DH feel like a piece of s*** for even asking, because supposedly Hank has done so much for him over the years (????)
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So, I really feel like we are being more than reasonable, even generous.
But obviously his brother sees things completely differently. Completely.
Re: Clicky Poll: Okay, are we being unreasonable? (long)
Ditto this, exactly.
Why does family have to be so difficult?
Make it three votes for this - and I'd send him the bill for the tow charge.
This! When he complains you can be "nice" and tell him that you'll pay the tow bill. Maybe your DH should tell them that they have one week to get the car or he will have it towed to a garage or locked lot & THEY can pay the tow charge & daily storage fees. Actually I'd just have it towed/impounded with no warning, but I'm mean like that
Sometimes it's nice just to get some reassurance.
And "Hank" really got to DH, I think. Really made him feel bad for asking.
DH did mention having it towed to Hank's house.
It just really fries me, you know? Especially knowing that Hank is really into appearances, keeping up with the Joneses and what-not, so I know there is no way they'd let someone else's, anyone else's, broken down car sit in front of their house for a week, let alone six months.
And I hate this idea that DH somehow owes this to Hank? Owes what? the free work he'd already said he'd do? owed allowing himself to being taken advantage of repeatedly by family? what?
Silly me thought family did stuff for each other because, well, because they were family. Not to keep score and have something to hang over each other's heads.
Besides, other than borrowing his car on occasion as a teenager (and what teenager didn't occasionally borrow an older family member's car), I have no idea what Hank is talking about. DH is pretty open about his past and has mentioned nothing his brother has done to help him out. His parents, yes. Hank, no. And in the five years since I've been around we barely see him, except for holidays or when he needs a car worked on. So... double grr.
Hey. Guess I still had a vent left in me.
Thanks again guys. Guess DH & I need to decide what to do with this car, so nobody else will make a decision.
Sometimes it's nice just to get some reassurance.
And "Hank" really got to DH, I think. Really made him feel bad for asking.
DH did mention having it towed to Hank's house.
It just really fries me, you know? Especially knowing that Hank is really into appearances, keeping up with the Joneses and what-not, so I know there is no way they'd let someone else's, anyone else's, broken down car sit in front of their house for a week, let alone six months.
And I hate this idea that DH somehow owes this to Hank? Owes what? the free work he'd already said he'd do? owed allowing himself to being taken advantage of repeatedly by family? what?
Silly me thought family did stuff for each other because, well, because they were family. Not to keep score and have something to hang over each other's heads.
Besides, other than borrowing his car on occasion as a teenager (and what teenager didn't occasionally borrow an older family member's car), I have no idea what Hank is talking about. DH is pretty open about his past and has mentioned nothing his brother has done to help him out. His parents, yes. Hank, no. And in the five years since I've been around we barely see him, except for holidays or when he needs a car worked on. So... double grr.
Hey. Guess I still had a vent left in me.
Thanks again guys. Guess DH & I need to decide what to do with this car, since nobody else will make a decision.