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what are your evenings like when you get home from work?
particularly if you don't have kids.
i am trying to manage my time better and have been trying to figure out why i feel i don't have time to do anything i really want to do.
right now, we get home, throw something together for dinner (this is nothing special and usually requires minmium effort), clean up from that and then do various chores until bedtime (usually around 10:30 or 11p.m.) DH watches more TV than i do and i generally catch up on blogs or email or various computer time sucking things or "play with paper"(i like to make cards and scrapbook). i also try my best to go for a run or go to the gym if we don't go in the morning before work.
but somehow there always seems to be something else "to-do" that makes the time after work fly by. before i know it i have loaded the dishwasher, watched a show and it is time to go to bed.
just curious what your nights are like. i have no idea how any of you with children do it, i really don't.
Re: what are your evenings like when you get home from work?
I have a kid, so take this as you will:
6-6:30 - get home, play outside for 10-15 min with our dog/kid
6:30-7:30 - fix dinner/eat dinner with DS. This takes longer if we play outside longer, or if DS gives me issues at dinner.
7:30-8:00 - bath time for DS, get dressed for bed
8:00-8:30 - wind down with DS / watch TV
8:30-9:30 - put DS to bed, start dinner for DH and I (DH gets home between 9-9:30 from work)
9:30-10 - eat dinner. sometimes this takes longer depending on what I make for dinner.
10-10:30 - clean up kitchen
10:30-11:30 - watch TV / catch up on the computer. This is where I get in trouble, and can stay up until midnight if I get too wrapped up in online stuff.
* blog * first baby blog * baby 2.0 blog * twitter *
I am right there with you! The evenings go so quickly for me, and I've been going to bed later than I'd like lately. I know that FB (and one particular game on it) are the time-suckers for me, but I enjoy it and only get to log on twice per day. I get home around 6:10, change, work out (only twice during the week), make dinner, clean up, shower, prep my lunch for the next day (often while I'm on the phone with family or friends), check FB, and by that time it's after 11. I never have time to read before bed or do anything fun during the week.
Maybe I should start writing down what I do and how long I do it for, so I can get a better idea of where I can save time...
ETA: I do watch TV, but only 1 or 2 nights per week, and I'm always up doing something productive during commericals.
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We don't have kids.
I work out at work (woo hoo for a gym in our building!) during the day or right after work. I get home between 6:30-7 pm and DH gets home between 7-8 pm (all depends on what time we leave work and how the Orange Line is functioning that day).
Most nights consist of: start chores (laundry if it needs to be done, cleaning), dinner (minimal effort since we don't like to cook), straighten up and finish chores (trash, load/unload dishwasher, etc), watch TV, go to bed.
Ours are very much the same as yours - working out, eating, watching TV, computer time, chores. I also usually have 1 or 2 coaching calls 2 or 3 nights a week.
I think this is very much the "norm" but I get the sense that you're thinking "there's more to life than ..." If I'm misreading I apologize ... but I know I absolutely feel this way. When I leave work (July 14 YAY!) I'll have my evening wide open, but in the meantime here's what I tell myself:
When we have an event or a monthiversary or whatever, we ditch the usual weeknight routine and somehow life continues to go on. We may buy our lunch the next day or skip a workout. No biggie. So what's special enough that you'd like to work into your weeknights? (as opposed to saving what you love for weekends or vacations)
My question to anyone who identifies with me here is do you feel like you're missing out on something important by resigning yourself to your usual routine? What is it - QT with the hubby or neighbors, a craft you love to do, time with GFs, phone time with your family, time to reflect/journal/pray/whatever? Choose one thing you'd like to make time for and schedule it regularly ... then work around it. See if it enhances your life or not (and how easy or hard it is to work around) and try again if necessary. Life should be enjoyed at least a little every day, not just weekends.
I know if I don't connect with my husband enough I am a worse wife, so at the very least we'll try to take a walk together twice a week. And when I take time to write in my journal for 5-10 minutes as I get ready for bed it helps me get motivated for the next day.
Hope this helps! Sorry if I overanswered the question.
Mine is pretty much like this:
All the "fun" things we do are pretty much limited to the weekend.
well, i have a kid, but here it goes:
5:30 husband arrives home from work, showers & entertains baby. i cook/finish cooking dinner (note: most nights are leftovers...I only cook 2-3x/wk. *big* time saver)
6: eat dinner
6:30 clean up from dinner (clean up is minimal with leftovers)/play with baby
7: baby takes bath/bedtime
7:30-10 free time. we watch tv, read, be on the computer, etc. On Thursday nights (aka Chore Night) we do all of our weekly cleaning.
Granted, it's easier that I work part-time so getting dinner on the table is easier. In short, we don't have much cooking/cleaning up at night & all chores are pushed to one night of the week (it's amazing how much 2 ppl can get done in a small house!)
eta: aside from eating slightly later our pre-kid & post-kid schedules are identical. we eat earlier b/c it's important to me for the 3 of us to eat together.
This is really good food for thought, D! I started taking one night a week for pilates on my way home from work and I love it. I grab dinner on my way home (DH can figure out food for him and C one day a week) and meander through the hip part of town where my class is. I'm still home by 7:15 but I just feel rejuvenated.
Otherwise, here is our typical routine (with kid, of course):
5:30: get home, start dinner
6-6:30: eat
6:30-7:30- quality time with C
7:30: C's bed time. One of us does that while the other cleans up the kitchen, packs leftovers for lunch.
8:00-10:00: work out, blog, veg on couch, fold laundry, shower. This is basically our "free" time. Lately, I've been pretty good about blogging and then hopping up and working out, but there are still definitely nights where I'm stuck playing on the internet on my phone or whatnot. I get up at 5:30, so 10 pm bedtime is a must.
I have 2 kids, so mine might be different.
5:30-6 We both get home from work, begin cooking dinner
6:30-7:00 Eat dinner
7:00-7:30/7:45 Play with kids
7:30/7:45 Bath night is at 7:30 otherwise get kids ready for bed at 7:45
8:30 Both kids in bed, do dishes, clean up from dinner
9:00-11 Relax, laundry, Prep for next day, TV
11 Bed
Many times my evenings look like this:
11:00 pm - Get home
11:45 pm - Bed
Sad, but true.
I don't do anything terribly exciting on weeknights either, but that's because I'm tired and I want to veg out and drink a glass of wine while reading or watching TV. Pre-baby, I took a yoga class one night a week. I'd like to start doing that again soon. I'm also in a book club -- it only meets once a month, but it's something to do, and it means I have to read a book every month.
I have only skimmed so far, but I think dmuppet has a good point - what are your exepctations for what you want to do vs. actually do? Time does fly by, but I have low expectations for what I want to accomplish other than "relax." I find that it helps to decide what's most important and schedule that in - whether it's a chore that needs to be done urgently or something fun that I deem similarly urgent. There's always more to do. I had a big epiphany when I was 25 that laundry is never DONE - you catch up, but there's always more to do. I think that having more to do is just part of being alive.
If I'm really together, I set a load of laundry to start around 4, so I flip from washer to dryer and change clothes when I get home (5:45ish). (Whoever thought to put timers on washing machines was a genius.) I generally devote 5:45-7 to playing with T and bedtime for her.
7-9:30 is generally about heating up (or ordering - let's be real) dinner, eat, clean up leftovers, and tv. I generally catch up on FB, blogs, email, etc. while watching tv. Occasionally I shoo DH away so I can pay bills for 15 minutes in silence.
9:30-10: get ready for bed, put laundry in hamper, get a few things ready for the next day.
It helps that we're really lazy about chores and leave a lot until the cleaning ladies come. I used to exercise after work occasionally pre-kid, but I also spent that time before DH got home paying bills, doing laundry, or watching trashy tv.
I always wish there was more time in the evening. I work full time and go to school part-time at night twice a week. So on a normal non-school night:
6PM - get home/ change
6:30 - 7 - walk dog
7-7:30 - clean/organize - but most usually just sit/ lay or surf the net
7:30 - 8:30 dinner/ cleanup
8:30 - 9 - walk dog
9-11 - school work/ tv
I have a little one so my evening looks like this
4:30 - Get home, surf internet, random cleaning, take a shower some days, start dinner
5:15- DH gets home with Baby Handy, DH finishes dinner,
5:45-6 We eat dinner
6-6:30 Play with Baby Handy
6:30 - 7:15 Bed time routine
7:15-45 Clean up and get everything ready for DC the next day, sometimes one of us will go for a run during this time
7:45- Relax with DH, read the newspaper, watch a few shows on DVR, surf the internet
Off to the beach
DS 7/18/2010
Handy 2.0 Due Early August
2011/2012 Races
12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
We have kids, but here's our routine:
5:15pm: DH and I get home from work with the babies
5:30pm-6:15pm: Babies' dinner time and then playtime
6:15pm-6:45pm: Bedtime routine with the babies
6:45pm-7:45pm: DH and I do our own thing--work out, get ready for next day, play on computer, prep dinner, etc.
7:45pm-9:30pm: Watch TV with DH and relax
9:30pm: Bedtime for DH and me
Other than prepping the babies stuff for the next day and some laundry, we don't do any chores during the week.
I have kids, but most nights the three of them are in bed by 7:30, latest 8:00.
After that DH and I watch TV/fiddle with computers and I go up to bed at 9:00 to read a little while and lights out by 9:30 or 10:00 (I get up at 5:30 am).
In summary:
1) eat dinner and get kids bathed and into bed
2) sit and zone out until it's time for us to go to bed.
3) Rinse.
4) Repeat.
I call it the Grind. The never-ending routine that consumes us every night.
So thank you sstrugg for asking, and particularly dmuppet for your answer, because until my choir rehearsals begin again in September and I have at least one night a week when I can indulge in my passion, I need to think of ways to get out of the Grind for the summer!
3x a week it looks like this:
3:30-4:30 commute home (I'm at work early)
4:30-5:30 gym
5:30-6:30 shower (I shower at night only)
6:30-8:30 cook dinner, eat and clean up dishes
8:30-10:00 watch TV and relax, check e-mails, blogs, etc etc
10:00-10:30 get ready for bed and the next day,
11 pm bed time.
(the other two days a week replace dinner and gym with long @rse nap to make up for the lack of sleep most other days)
All cleaning, laundry, etc is done on the weekends. I can't keep up with it on weekdays.
I'm semi-spoiled because of my commute.
5- leave work
5:15-5:45- walk the dog, get the mail, sort the mail
6-7:30- start cooking dinner, eat dinner, talk about days, clean up
7:30-9- watch TV, play around online, etc.
9- 9:30- walk the dog
9:30- 12- hang out
12- walk the dog, bedtime
Stand up for something you believe in.
leave work at 4:30. Home at 5:15-5:30. Let dog out. Feed meowing cat, pet her bc no one else does. Clean her litter box bc no one else does. Change clothes while I'm upstairs. Go get barking dog. Sort through mail. Bills to laptop for paying later, trash the rest. Throw out newspaper bc John always forgets. Or, read paper while eating a snack bc I am starving.
It's approx. 6:15-6:30 now. Start a load of laundry, if necessary (and fold the one I threw in the dryer that morning before work). Turn computer on, work until 7:15-7:30 when John gets home. If he's cooking, I watch. If he's not, keep working bc I'm not hungry bc I eat a bigger lunch, and have snacked. Sadly, sometimes I keep working until 8:30 or so, or...we veg on the couch and watch TV together.
I tend to go upstairs around 9 or so, bc I get up at 5:45am and by 9, my back needs to lay flat. And, John wants to watch History Channel or Military Channel or old war movies on Netflix and ... I don't. So I watch DVR'd shows like In Plain Sight or Covert Affairs, upstairs. He comes up around 10:30 or 11, usually, and then it's lights out.
If I want to do something like take a long walk, I do that right when I get home (or I won't go at all and I know it). I try not to have to run errands after work bc the traffic is so bad and I've already driven/ridden 30 miles each way to work and can't stand another traffic jam. On Tuesday nights, I mow the lawn and do yard work bc Wed is yard debris pick up day. On Fridays in the summer, we're at Friday Night Live in Herndon so I know I need to get all my "work" done before 6:30, when John comes home to get me.
I was a single parent for so long (10 years) that I treasure my downtime and don't beat myself up bc I am not doing something at every waking minute. I will say, though, that I cannot sit still and watch TV. I have to be doing something at the same time, so sometimes that's folding laundry, or ironing, or cleaning out a closet, or painting the trim in my BR (finally, since I painted the walls in February, for pete's sake).
I think D's spot on (as usual). What is it that you think you are missing? Figure that out, and then figure out how to add it into your life. If it means something to you, you will find the time. I am starting to go to John's gym with him bc I need to, and bc I don't like the way I look or feel in my skin. I need to find the time to make that work, bc it's important to me. As hard as it will be to get there after work... I want to to do it.
"What is a week-end?"
I think part of this depends on when you get home. Before kid, often I was the first one home, and that was at around 7pm. Between then and when DH got home, I was going through mail, feeding the cats, and thinking about what to do for dinner. I'd start cooking when DH got home (between 7-7:45) and we'd eat around 8 or 8:30. By the time we ate, cleaned up, watched one show, it was time to start getting ready for bed! (walk the dog, dh would iron a shirt for the next day, etc). The exception to this was Monday nights when we'd have rehearsals, and neither of us would get home until 10:45.
Most all of our chores were saved for the weekend because there was just no time during the week. And I confess, even though I SAH, it's not much better now. LOL.
Is there something you feel like you want to be doing in the evenings that you can't find time for? I think in this city with longer work hours and horrible rush hour commutes, most of us have just grown used to the fact that there is little free time during the week.
I too feel like I never have any time in the evenings. Here's my evening for you.
M-W
6:00pm get home, eat change
6:30pm-8:00pm gym
8:00pm-9pm shower, chores
9:00pm bedtime! (read for 30mins in bed then lights out)
T-R
6:15-30pm get home, start dinner
7:15-7:45pm eat
7:45-8:00pm finish watching tv show started during dinner (on dvr no commercials)
8:00pm-9:00pm clean up dinner, prep anything for next meal, chores
9:00pm bedtime (30 min reading then lights out)
We are house shopping this week so no gym or tv just dinner and out looking at houses then bed! I would stop diong chores during the week but then MH complained that all we do on the weekends is clean. But then he doesn't really want to do it in the evenings becuase he's too tired...not sure how he expects the house to get clean but that's for another thread!
I have to agree with what a few other ladies have said regarding the commute. My commute has always been what shapes my evenings. I used to live in Utah, and the nights seemed to last forever. There was virtually no traffic there. When I moved back to this area, I lived in Centreville and worked in DC and my commute home was long. Taking the crowded metro home, sitting in traffic on 66 from Vienna out to Centreville. Most nights I didn't get home until well after 8, and I had to be up at 6 to be on the road by 7 to make it to work by 8. Now I live in Silver Spring and work in Rockville, and my commute is typically around 30-40 minutes.
My biggest challenge/guilty thought is that I don't do more mentally stimulating activities each evening. Some nights, after working, all I want to do is come home and sit in silence. Or sit in front of the tv and watch So You Think You Can Dance. I can't fathom interacting with another person. (I also work with my husband, so that makes a difference too....)
Before we had DS, our schedule was pretty similar to yours. We would get home around 6, hit the gym, then dinner, chores/internet, bed.
We've adjusted our schedules to accommodate parenthood. I think the main thing that's changed since having a kid is that everything starts earlier. And I definitely go to bed earlier. But otherwise it's pretty similar, so now it's:
4:30 - leave work and go to gym (it's in my office building)
~5:15 - pick DS up from daycare (sometimes DH is with me, sometimes I do daycare pickup and then get DH from metro)
5:30-6:15 - dinner and playtime with DH, bath if necessary
6:15-6:45 - bedtime routine for DH
6:45-7:30 - cook and eat dinner, clean up and put away all the daycare and work stuff. Sometimes DH goes running after DS is in bed which pushes this back 30 minutes or so.
7:30-9:30 - TV, internet, laundry if necessary, general relaxing
9:30-10:00 - pack up for the next day and get ready for bed
10:00 - I go to bed (DH usually comes in after 11:00)
I used to go to yoga on Friday nights but haven't signed up since last session - I need to get back to that.
Like pp said, pretty much all cleaning (besides a general kitchen wipe down) is done on the weekends. We have plenty of time to do whatever in the evenings - I probably could be more productive if I had any actual motivation or hobbies.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
I love this typo. Hahaha, DH would be THRILLED if I built daily "playtime" or 'bedtime routine' with him into our weeknight schedule. ;-) Also, the 'Bath if necessary' after DH playtime is making me giggle like I'm 12. Hahahahaha!
My Food Blog
My main job is only part-time, but when I get home from that, I grab something to eat and maybe read or watch a bit of TV to decompress (basically I am taking a lunch break in the middle of the afternoon, after my commute), then I work on my freelance project for an hour or so.
For all intents & purposes, I get "home" at 5:30.
5:30-6-ish, walk the dog (which to me does not count as exercise, because she walks slow)
6-7 - prepare dinner (maybe only 6:30-7, depending on what I'm making). Try to watch one or both of DH's shows (thank goodness for the DVR).
7-8 - DH is home for dinner. We watch 1 show.
8-8:45 - clean up from dinner - no matter what I make, it always seems to take this long. Sometimes, I have to take the dog for another walk if she doesn't do all her business the first time (she won't always use the yard, unfortunately).
8:45-9 - quick computer check; I try to be off the computer by 2 hours before bed.
9-10 - watch one of "my" shows
10 - go up to bed - set out clothes for the next day, wash up, maybe pick up for a few minutes before I go up, read for 15-20 minutes when I get in bed
10:45-11 - lights out
So, that's about an hour of time to myself every night. It will get worse when go full time at my main job, because I'll have to be going to sleep by 10 so I can get up an hour earlier. I also might not get home until 6, pushing everything back 1/2 hour. We have to have dinner at 7, DH's dinner break is very specific.
I feel guilty if I don't watch at least one of DH's shows. I know the other spouses don't always watch, but they have kids and/or odd work schedules so they're not always home. I'm at least home.
thanks fo everyone's help...and yup Dmup certainly feeling the "this is it?" mentality.
i don't even leave work sometimes until 5:30 or 6, and it is at least 45 minutes to get home, but metro and traffic can make a huge difference here. my OP made it sound like i was cleaning like a mad woman every night but that is not true. i do like the idea of making one night dedicated chore night....i think i also need to give myself permission to really just veg out with a book or watch tv for a bit.
i think b/c my work sked can be so sporadic it is hard to make plans for a specific night consistenty and stick with it.