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Just another family rant
This is going to be a totally whiney post, but I just need to vent.
Today is my birthday (yay) and I'm feeling really stressed about my family. My mom and I always had a tradition of going for lunch together on my birthday, since it is close to father's day and we don't usually have a separate celebration. However since my sister had a baby 3 years ago she has stopped taking me because my sister always conveniently needs a babysitter on my bday during lunch. This year my parents decided to have me for supper since lunch was yet again cancelled due to babysitting. So anyways we were supposed to have supper at 6:30 but my sister has something to do at 6:30 so now my parents have changed it to 5, despite the fact that I work until 5, and cannot get there until 5:45, and that's only if I don't go home and change and let my dog out, and have said they will just start supper and I get there when I get there. I am super pissed about this since it's my birthday celebration, and I feel like if my sister has other plans then she should just not attend. I suggested this to my parents who said that I'm acting mean and ugly and shouldn't try and exclude her, but I just can't help but be frustrated. I know changing the time of a dinner isn't the end of the world, but I don't see why I can't have things my way on my own birthday when I'm being totally reasonable. I feel like this type of thing will go on forever if I don't do something. Just needed to vent but this type of thing always happens and I'm not sure how to fix it?
Re: Just another family rant
Sadly it is
They cancelled the last 2 visits I was supposed to have with them because my sister "needed" them. I just thought my birthday would be different since it's a special occasion. Luckily I do have something planned with my friends later this evening. I figured that I can make my own fun too, and I didn't want to sit back and just hope my parents would come through. I just wish there was a way to stop the cycle. Things had been getting quite a lot better but then my sister had a second baby and it all went back to the way it was.
I'm 28. Our family gets together for birthdays regardless of age, we think it's important to celebrate.
Clearly your family doesn't think it's that important, otherwise they wouldn't continue to choose to reschedule. Your parents have made a choice here, no one is holding a gun to their heads demanding they babysit. I think you need to do as PPs mentioned and lower your expectation if this is their pattern.
clearly they don't. Whatever your sister is doing is obviously more important to them than celebrating your birthday.
Again, I would stop rescheduling. Tell them the time that works best for you and stick to it. They can't make it, oh well their loss. The more you bend over backwards to accomodate their and sister's schedule, the more they will pull this crap.
Yes you are right. I guess it's not important. I guess a better way to phrase it would have been that we always have, supper (or for me it was lunch) for each family member's birthday whether they are 3 years old or 58.
First off, Happy Birthday!
Secondly, is there a reason why your parents can't babysit AND do a birthday dinner with you? How come it has to be separate? And where's your sis going right now that she can't be part of your birthday? 3 years in a row for her to have plans on your birthday sounds kinda crappy...especially if you say your family usually makes a point of it to celebrate birthdays together.
To me it sounds like it's more her fault than your parents. Granted, they don't HAVE to say yes to babysitting, but come on...how often do grandparents really say "no"? Have you expressed to them that you miss doing stuff on your birthday with them?
I don't understand how this important family tradition gets so easily dismissed by your parents (your mother?) when your sister needs them to take care of her children.
You might want to consider having a quiet conversation with your mother about this. Is it a tradition that remains being honored by all members of the family, or is it a tradition that needs to be let go of? Do they have the same arrangement for your sister's birthday or have they let that go also?
On one hand, I agree with you. If it's a long honored tradition, your birthday shouldn't be swept aside. But if it's no longer practical to do it, then maybe it's time to let it go and have it be something you used to do.
I had to face this with my mother's typical Christmas Eve family dinner. It got to the point where she really didn't want to do it anymore. And in my opinion, it came early in our lives, I thought we had a number of years left before we needed to broach the topic. But one year she made a comment about how she didn't want to do it, though she said it the week before Christmas and she did it anyway. Later in the next year, remembering that comment, I initiated a conversation and discovered it's something she's wanted to stop doing for a while, but knew it was something we enjoyed and she felt guilty about taking it "away" from us. And I told her it wasn't something she needed to feel guilty about, that if she didn't enjoy it, we'll find something else to do, which we did. And it was good.
I am sorry your sister treats you that way. Obviously she has issues with you. Next year, don't tell her when you plan on going out for your birthday - lunch or dinner.
Personally, I wouldn't mind spending my bday with my sister's kids.
Happy Birthday!
Your mom is completley wrong.
You should find a new tradition for your birthday and do that. Complettely freeze her out. No offense, but this is bulllshit.
I'm not kidding. You're 28 and can find new friends if your mom is so completely unavailable at your birthday. And no, its not your J.O.B. to accomodate your sister's schedule when you are working to let them celebrate your birthday in a half-ass way.
Honestly, expect less and you'll be a lot happier.