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How do you draw the line?
Hi ladies,
I've been lurking with you all since before the wedding last September and I just don't know who else to ask.
The background is that my FIL is not in the greatest of health. His kidneys are failing and it looks like he is probably headed for dialysis(sp). So my DH drove up to see meet up with his family today and to get and idea of what is going on.
As I side note, I am one of those annoying people who needs to take care of and fix everything for everyone. I am trying to tone this down a bit. Also there is definitely a lot of things I would say to my parents, that I it isn't really my place to say to my in-laws.
Any helpful hints on how to be supportive of DH without being overbearing? How do I separate myself enough so that my stress doesn't overwhelm my husband (who's stress is high enough over this situation.)? Of course I will help out in whatever way I can, but I am a bit of a control freak. It's killing me not to text DH every hour today!!! (have only text him twice)
To add to all of this I am of course taking fertility drugs at the moment which is NOT helping with the emotional mood swings.
I hope this makes sense and that you all may be able to give me some words of wisdom. Thanks and have a wonderful weekend!!
Re: How do you draw the line?
Be there to help, but realize and accept that you can't be in control of how things are handled in his family. Other than that, I have no advice. Sorry!
Depending on your husband, I would just ask him how you can be most supportive. Say "I need to feel helpful, what can I do?" or something like that. If he needs you to back off, find something else to keep you busy! Anything - work, a book, tv, cleaning - whatever works for you.
Most importantly, just be there for him.
Those two things seem contradictory, but you can be supportive while still letting him have his distance (if that's what he wants). Just let him know you're there and if HE wants to talk or needs you you'll be waiting.
I know it's difficult, but sometimes the best you can do is just be there for him. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!
I think you already got a lot of good advice, but I'd like to add...
Sometimes I think it's good for someone to come in with outside input. You were pretty vague about how exactly you wanted to get involved so it's tough to gauge whether or not your input is more harmful than helpful. That said, I bet your DH and MIL are pretty emotional so they might not be seeing things you are.
Just my very ignorant two cents. Like I said, you were pretty vague. If you're talking about doing research about his condition, I say go for it. If you're trying to change the man's catheter yourself, then back off.
TTC since 2010
Me: 36, slightly elevated FSH. Everything else (hysterescopy, HSG, b/w) normal.
DH:30, with super sperm? >200mil post wash
BFP #1 - May 2011 - m/c @ 8weeks
IUI #1 - July 26 2012 - Femara = BFN
Suprise BFP Jan 15 2013. Hope this one sticks!