Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
something wrong with me?
I don't like sex. Very rarely (like a few times a month) am I in the mood. Otherwise, I find it messy, time consuming, and kind of a chore. At the same time, I feel bad when DH wants to I hate turning him down. I'm just not into it at all. When I succumb to his desires, I find I'm just going through the motions and am kind of bored/annoyed. Is there something wrong with me? We don't have kids. Married for 3 years.
Re: something wrong with me?
Have you ever asked your gynecologist or doctor about this? If you are in the mood only a few times a month, then the sex drive is there and it seems like you feel its lower than normal.
As far as not liking it: I've heard of a few woman feeling this way. Have you always felt this way, even with your husband? Have you had other partners, tried different things, etc? Does your husband know about this?
I think sex drive is unique to every person, and its hard to know what's normal. But I think if you're not happy with it, then you should try talking to a doctor.
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maybe you ARE bored? tell him he should learn some new tricks. lol. or perhaps you should drink more in the evenings (drinking always puts me in the mood). buy some new sexy, lacy undies and wear them to work, then you will be feeling undercover sexy all day. or get a new hairstyle.. just make sure he knows why you are doing all of this- otherwise he may think you have developed a drinking problem or even worse, not notice your new hair or under-roo's
I don't think there is anything wrong with you : ) It's normal for your sex drive to vary during a relationship. Have you made any major changes lately that might acount for it? Like going on bc, or adding more stress, or less healthy foods and excercise? All of those can lower your drive.
It helps to figure out what gets you in the mood, so that you can get yourself into the mood more often. If you're forcing yourself though when you don't want to, and you don't really try to enjoy it, I feel like that would make things worse?
If you've always been like this you may want to talk with a sex therapist, and determine why you are uniterested in sex. But if it's a new development I would look to environmental factors first.
I have a few things that could help or ways that I am...I get flamed for this sometimes but I don't care it's how I am:)
One I would go to a sex store or online to somewhere like adamandeve.com. I love vibrating *** rings, they are amazing. Can you orgasm? If not I would try to figure out how to on your own by playing with yourself. I know it's not as big of a deal to a lot of women like men. Their g spots are always there and not hard at all to find haha. Lucky! Anyways. My MIL talked to me before I got married and she is a very christian old school mom and wife, she is a amazing women. She told me about how men see sex different than we do. It is so true. Basically we talked about how thats how men really show their love and connect. So even sometimes when I am not in the mood, like you, I go through the motions. I HATE HATE HATE turning down my dh. He was almost killed a few times in Iraq and it just makes me thankful he is here. He is a great husband and father. Helps with baby, chores and works and goes to school. I have maybe said no 10 times in the past 5 years. Even when I was in the 6 weeks after baby he got a lot of bjs. I could tell him no and he would understand. BUT I also dont agree with porn...just me...I know it's because of my religion and my insecurities so anyways. We also have a lube that is ky his and hers. We just use the hers and I LOVE IT! I know I am rambling I am in a hurry before my baby boy gets bored playing in his bouncer.
Have you ever liked sex?
Have you ever had lovers beside your husband? Did you enjoy sex more with them? Did you enjoy sex with your husband before you got married?