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Condoms, lub, and pain. Suggestions???
Ok, so I have primary vaginismus which makes sex very painful for me. We've had sex before and had a baby 3 months ago. I'm also very very dry down there and my doc suggested to use lub every day to help me feel better. The problem is it dries out really quick. I've tried several kinds, ky, astroglide, vagisil, etc and they don't work too well during sex either, b/c they dry out so quick and we have to keep reapplying every few mins. Any suggestions on good kinds?
Also, I'm not on bcp so we are having to use condoms now. We've NEVER had success with condoms before. (We were both virgins when we wed). The problem is that it takes me so long to get ready to have sex, and lots of tries before it actually "works" and usually by that time, he is not turned on anymore and the condom keep rolling up. Even when he is turned on, the condom turns him off..a lot, to the point where he gets so frustrated with it he wants to give up on having sex altogether. I guess b/c he's never really used one before and he doesn't like them or something. So all this together makes for a very disappointing time for both of us. My OBGYN just gave me some new meds that numb that area so it's less painful for me and it really helps, just need some help with the condoms and lub. Any suggestions for us? Any condoms that are better to buy? Our anniversary is this weekend and I want to try to have sex again and it not fail this time!!
Re: Condoms, lub, and pain. Suggestions???
is it sold by the other oils, aka vegetable oil? Or somewhere else? never seen it but I have heard this before
Have you considered a diaphragm or a female condom?
Natural family planning has also been used with great success --- it's not just the rhythm method anymore.
I'd also suggest the coconut oil, but be aware that it can't be used with synthetic condom. You'd have to use a lambskin one (very expensive) or use some other method of BC. It makes since that the condom would turn him off... it seriously deadens the sensations for him.
Could you use a cervical cap? (smaller than a diaphragm) I know that may be an issue for you b/c of the vaginismus. I had primary vaginismus too, BTW, and I'm totally cured now. Dilators and lots of prayer!
Good luck! Feel free to PM me about the vaginismus treatment if you like!
the best thing for lube is a cream that I bought which was German or something. It was made out of some flowers, marigold flowers. the cream acted as a balm as well.
If you don't want to use a condom, or pills, why not try the classical method? the easiest one, that he just doesn't ...you know....inside you. It is simple and no babies also...
You should decide though on a BCM before too long now.
I know this is an odd question, but do you have a fan or air conditioner blowing almost directly on during sex? I ask b/c i dry out FAST when one is on me or near me. My doc suggested coconut oil, but it will hinder the effectiveness of the condom. Maybe have him give you oral to get you going. Or, if you are not too embarrassed, ask a doc or pharmacist which combo would work best to your advantage. Good luck!
My husband and I wait to put the condom on. We get going and then put it when I'm ready to have the big O since that usually means he'll have the big O too.
You can try basabody.com coconut oil although it's just mail order. Or have you tried the Ky yours and mine. Maybe putting some extra lube on him would help.
Thanks for all the suggestions ladies! I am getting on bcp next month and we will try the coconut oil then. We had sex last night with the condom (for the FIRST time ever). That meds that numb the area that the doc gave me, really work. It helps me not feel as much pain. I think part of my problem is that I'm not used to having anything in there so I don't really like it, I think it's a sensation that I will just hve to get used to. I'm used to having orgasms and having "sex" w/out penetration so actually having sex is new for me. I enjoy it, it's just different. I think I will try the Replens too, that is a good idea. I'm also going to practice with the vibrator that I have so I can get used to it. I wish I wouldn't be so "tight" down there, I thought that would be better since I just had a baby, but I'm still very tight, guess I have great PC muscles! Anyway, thanks for the ideas.
And to the person who mentioned for DH to not ejaculate inside me as a BCM, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. You can still get preg. by doing that: sure you have a decreased chance, but still a good chance nontheless
I just was lurking here but saw this and thought I could help because I've had a similar situation. After our daughter was born it took several months to have pain free sex. I had no tearing, no stitches, but it still took 6+ months for everything to go back to "normal". So that may be one problem, and you just have to wait that one out.
We also use condoms as well because I am still BFing and don't want to go on the pill while doing so. We both hate condoms but found one that actually doesn't feel that bad. We use trojan magnum ecstasy and they feel pretty good, nothing is like "nothing is there" but after many condom trials we find this one to be our favorite by far. FI uses the magnum size because he, well, has to...but they make regular sized trojan ecstasy as well.
As far as lube goes, dryness is also a common problem after having a baby, especially if you are BFing. It takes a while for your hormones to regulate themselves after birth (months) and that is what is to blame for the dryness. Condoms also add to dryness unfortunately. I've found that the more foreplay there is, the more lubricated I get and I also try to hold off on orgasm until FI is about to have one because it seems as though my lubrication stops right after orgasm. Other than that I have no lube recommendations, just keep applying frequently whatever kind you already use.
HTH, goodluck!