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Working WAY too much?
My fiance works 2 jobs. Both are VERY stressful jobs that include public safety. He just recently told me that this past week he work 101 hours. I appreciate the fact that he works, don't get me wrong, obviously I respect that...however in my opinion it really is getting ridiculous! He works 12 hour shifts normally, but recently he has been taking on 14 and even 16 hour shifts multiple times per week. He has a 8 hour turnaround or even less time where he has to sleep then be back at it for another 12+ hour shift. We have absolutely no time to spend together...I can't even remember the last time we just had an evening to hang out. The most we get to see each other is 25 minutes during his lunch break a couple times a week or if I go out to his work and see him (which I'm not really supposed to do...but he says I can sometimes).
He says it will get better in July. I really hope that it does, but this week is probably the worst yet! I keep telling him for his health (physical and mental) he needs to stop working so much. If his boss sends a group message to everyone about working a certain date, he immediately responds that he will do it. He will never turn down any hours ever!!!
He works very hard to pay for a cheaper model new car that he purchased (and lets me drive). He also pays the cell phone bill, credit card bills, and gas for both of our vehicles. Thus far no money has been saved back for the wedding it has gone all towards bills. I honestly believe that between the both of us we would have PLENTY of money to spare after paying bills even if he cut down his hours to a reasonable level...
Am I just being selfish for wanting him to cut back on his hours? What would you do in this situation? Should I just let him do what he wants because hey -- its money and wait for it to hopefully slow down?? Honestly I'm really getting sick of it...I want to look back on this time during our engagement as a happy time with happy memories of us spending time together and enjoying life. I am certainly not enjoying this, and I know it is hard on him too...
Re: Working WAY too much?
I kind of side with your FI here. If he's working 100 hours a week and that amount of work hasn't allowed you to save any wedding money, you have a bills problem. I don't see how you could possibly pay your bills (let alone save any money) if he reduced his work hours. You say this:
I honestly believe that between the both of us we would have PLENTY of money to spare after paying bills even if he cut down his hours to a reasonable level...
But if you're not doing it currently, what makes you believe (besides a feeling) that you'd be able to do it with less money coming in?
I actually see his behavior as very responsible in this situation. It sucks, sure, but it's a very adult decision. As I see it, you have three choices if you want him to work less.
1. He reduces his work hours, but you get a second job to make up for his lost income
2. You reduce the bills by spending less (like getting rid of cell phones)
3. You each get better jobs that allow you to earn the same amount without working as many hours.
Have you two actually sat down yet to make out a budget? Starting today, track every.single.penny to spend to see where the money's going. If you can't afford to save money for the wedding working 100 hours/week, I'd say there's a spending problem, not an earning problem.
Why aren't you paying for your own cell phone, credit cards & gas? I know you said he doesn't want you to pay for anything & he wants to provide for his family but you should still contribute.
The desire to provide for a family is a huge motivator for some men & earnings are a concrete way for them to measure their value & self worth. Don't down play his ego.
What is in your budget? That may help us help you figure out why working 100 hours per week still doesn't enable you to pay bills. By my calaculations, even at $10 per hour, working 100 hours per week should result in take home pay of over $900 per week.
That said, if the bulk of your current money is going to pay bills, you may need to either downsize or postpone your upcoming wedding until you get a handle on your finances.
Depending on what he's doing, you may want to figure out what it costs. My DH had a 2nd job delivering newspapers. He got it when sales were bad at his commission only job but gas was low. Gas prices skyrockected & he moved in with me, farther from the newspaper depot. He was exhausted from getting up so early. I did the math & it turned out he was making about $100 per month (which was about $1 per hour) after gas etc. That wasn't worth his health so when I showed him the #s in black & white, I was able to get him to quit.