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sexless marriage ... need your best advice!
New poster ... please be kind 
My husband and I will be married 7 yrs this summer. The last time we had sex was our last anniversary ... LAST summer (almost 11 months ago) and the time before that was on vacation 8 months earlier. I honestly don't even remember the time before that ...We have a toddler, and most all of our conversations revolve around our child. We don't say "I love you" anymore and we barely touch ... he used to kiss me before leaving for work (on the forehead) but now ... nothing. We are generally nice to one another ... we're basically "room mates" and I think very good parents. We don't really argue ... we just don't really communicate.
I am starting to see a counselor for this problem ... I talked to my husband two years ago and had LONG conversations about the fact that we were really in a bad situation, but nothing became of those conversations, and since then, I've started to talk to another man who is not only in a sexless marriage, he's in a loveless marriage.
I joined he nest because I am seriously contemplating divorce and need any and all outside perspective. Thanks girls
Re: sexless marriage ... need your best advice!
Where is the communication as lof lately?
And ditch the other guy STAT.
What you need to do:
Engage your H in a discussion AGAIN. Don't take no for an answer. Have somebody watch the kiddo and disconnect the phone. YOu need a long and serious talk about what's happening between the 2 of you.
I don't think it is a health problem ---maybe it's all a case of "gee why bother" on his part, but wow, you have needs, too and he should be concerned and proactive that your needs are met. This isn't right and it is not fair to you or your marriage.
There seems to be a complete lack of intimacy. I urge you to get down to the bottom of what's happening.
Counseling should be a must -- I would make the continuation of the marriage contingent upon the both of you going to counseling --- but he has to go willingly and he has to want to make sure that the counseling works. Otherwise, his attending is useless.
Conseling and a date for him to start anteing up in the bedroom, along with starting to make your marriage a marriage again --- or he hits the road. That would be my stance. You did not marry to eventually get a guy who turns into a roommate and you did not marry to turn into a platonic friend who cooks for him, cleans for him and takes care of his kid.
ETA: I would believe that other man as far as I could throw him regarding his claim he is in a sexless and loveless marriage --- that sounds like the usual line of bullshit these jokers give a woman so they can start an affair with them. For all you know, sex with his wife could be plentiful and so might the affection be.
Not for nothin' but if this was going on for quite some time, I am guessing your marriage was like this before a child came into the picture -- considering that your H was this disconnected from you, why did you bring a kiddo into the picture?
This is also not a healthy environment for your child -- yes, he's a toddler but the youngest of kiddoes know instinctively when something is not right at home.
I urge you to speak to your H; do it today --- if you're interested in saving your marriage and getting things to work again, you'll do it -- and if he's concerned about you and still cares, he'll work with you on what's wrong with your marriage.
If he refuses to talk or ignores the elephant in the room or refuses therapy/counseling with you, you'll have to decide where to go from here.
Anything can be happening: you've grown apart, he has simply emotionally checked out of the marriage and to him it is over, the relationship/marriage is over, he's decided no more sex and no more intimacy, he's been having an affair or he's gay and perhaps is starting to make his way out of the closet. It's up to you to get the ball rolling on what's happening.
I am going to tell you what worked for me and let me start by saying it doesn't work for everyone and I am sure that a lot of people think that I am CRAZY or that it will just bring more problems! If fact it shocked me that it worked. So hubby and I were in the exact same boat. The day we had kids the sex stopped, why?, because I am a mom now and moms don't need sex. He never kisses me, shows any affection, and sex was something I could only do with myself. He wasn't always this way. We used to have sex at least four times a week. Then the kids came.
So I met this guy, who was into swinging. He actually asked if I would be interested in joining him, he didn't know I was married at the time. I told him no, that I was married, but flattered. Well, it got me thinking. Would this be something that my hubby would get turned on by? I started talking to a couple, exchanged pictures and told them that hubby wasn't into sex and I really needed help. Honestly I was almost to the point of finding a friend to play with, but couldn't do that to him. I approached him about playing with another couple. At first he was reluctant, not sure. I told him that I was fed up with him and I hated having a sexless marriage. I thought that maybe he wasn't attracted to me and if he could see that another couple was into it, then it would loosen him up. That was all it took, was just talking. We never hooked up with the couple, but the dirty idea has brought him back. Now we kinda play the game with each other and it works.
If that is too much for you, my friend kidnapped her husband, got them away from their house (a deserted park by the river) and seduced him. She was wearing only a thin sundress and strappy heels, then got into the back of their truck...you can imagine what happened. She also left their cell phones at home so they couldn't be interrupted.
Counseling is great, but it doesn't always work as well as action. Sometimes creating a different situation or going to a new local and be spontaneous helps.
Don't sleep with the other guy...It is something you can't take back.
The above advice is revolting. With the exception of "don't sleep with the other guy."
Here is my best advice!
Drop the guy you are talking to now!! it might be hard and upsetting but yall are both brining each other down and it is only pulling you further away from your husband!
Try doing date night once a week! Honestly it is great! it gets you away from being mommy and daddy for a while and getting yall back to being husband and wife! get a babysitter or let the grandparents watch
Counsaling is great but you need to get your husband involved to or else yall cant fix the problems that yall BOTH have.
Have you tried getting him to have sex? like really tried? The other day i woke my husband up with me on top of him in langire.. he was not going to refuse that! lol Also about giving the kiss bye try doing something special for him in the morning (make his lunch... hop in the shower with him... make him a nice breakfast... ect) and walk him out to his car and put your arms around him and you give him a kiss!!! He may not always do it, but have you ever tried to? I went through a small phase of that and my husband said he would like me to take charge sometime and do that stuff i expect him to do!
Well i am newely married... but i hope to always feel that way! And these are things we as newly weds do that long time married people forget about!
like i said date night! (get dressed up the whole nine yards) We try to shower/ take a bath together as much as possiable.. its relaxing and gives us a good time to talk and sometimes get sexually arroused... making dinner and eating at the table rather in front of the tv... we dont have a tv in our room and it is some of our best talking time before bed... always give each other a kiss before going to sleep... walking him out to his car when he leaves lets him know you really dont want him to go!... suprise him with laungrie on... ect!
Little things to let him know that you want him may want him want you/ and visa versa! Try to bring back that newly wed feeling! Im not saying its garanteeded to work but at leasy yall can say yall tried!! GL and im so sorry you are going through this!
"The above advice is revolting. With the exception of "don't sleep with the other guy."
jeepers! judgmental much?!?
SylviaAnne, I thought it was kind of cool. Spicy sex life is a good sex life.