Family Matters
dalm0m
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
tell BIL to get a job?
I know it's none of my business & I will keep my mouth shut but . . . .
it just makes me nuts that BIL moved in with his mother, my MIL, after some legal problems. He doesn't have a job. It's been 2+ freakin' years. He just mooches off her & she doesn't have any real money. When she finally retires, DH & I will most likely end up supporting her. I don't mind that . . . it just irks me that BIL takes advantage. He's 40 years old with 2 kids he is not supporting; his mom sends his Ex-wife money when she can.
Seriously, can I really not scream "get an f'ing job already, loser!" at him? 
Re: tell BIL to get a job?
Ditto.
Where's your H on this issue?
Good point.
What happens if "her support" coincides with his support? Like he's still living there, getting sh!t paid, not contributing? Do you (DH + You) have a plan for that?
This is massive enablement.
As usual, you can't stop it.
Why in god's name do you think YOU have to let her suck off you?
No, but you can laugh and say wow you are really going to be screwed when she retires and the gravy train ends. Perhaps, if your MIL didn't think she was going to be bailed out by anyone she would stop bailing out this leech she created. What a never ending sense of entitlement!
Are you sure he isn't even trying?
DH got laid off 18 months ago. He does consulting work to pay the bills (b/c he is an EXPERT in his field, he could not have done this work 15 years ago), and he has been looking for a FT job for well over a year. He is constantly being turned down b/c he is "over-qualified." He has had career / outplacement counseling, resume writing services, networked, etc.
In the meantime, *I* have been trying to go back to work, from everything from professional jobs where I could be the main breadwinner, to retail jobs. The professional jobs won't hire me, and the retail jobs tell me I am over-qualified (So, for everyone who says "I would work at Target to pay the bills if I needed to..." I've applied to jobs like that!').
While I hate lazy people, it is really d*mn hard to find a job, even when you are looking.
Would it be better if your BIL went to his lawyer and went back to court to have his child support reduced? I'm sure you wouldn't have anything good to say about him then, either.
You have never met me so you have no idea what I would or wouldn't say about someone.
I know BIL is not looking for a job. He says he is not looking. MIL confirms that he he sleeps & plays video games all day. He won't consider a job at Target or McDonald's b/c he claims it's beneath him; he's not overqualifed to work at either. After 2 years in this economy nothing is beneath someone. Unlike your husband, he hasn't been turned down by anyone, He simply won't apply.
He's not going to school or getting retrained even though there are a variety of free training programs open to him.
If he was doing anything I'd do more to help him. Lots of people have tried but he won't take any responsibility for improving the situation.
ugh! annoying isn't it?
My BIL has a job. But you wouldn't know it. He makes decent money but stays rent free in my FIL's rental house. He eats every night at my ILs house. My MIL buys his groceries for lunches. They paid his vehicle insurance up until age 25. They paid expensive college tuition for him to drink himself to failing out. He went heavy into debt 10 years ago, they bailed him out and have never been paid back. He just went $20,000 in debt and my FIL bailed him out again. Now FIL is complaining about not getting any money back... Like previous people have said. They have created a monster. This guy is now 31. He has no idea how much it costs to live on his own. He's single and wonders why. Total mooch.
My DH is 27. Never has had anything paid for by them. He's been supporting me since I quit my job. We have 3 nice vehicles (all paid for) and are buying our second home and have a baby on the way. We're basically debt free (exception-mortgage) and DH and BIL make about the same amount. So unfair to DH (I think) but at the same time BIL is such a screw up! Why do parents of grown adults think situations like this are a good idea?!