Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Kind of irriated
Sorry - there is a lot of rant!
I have an older sister whose 30...she is divorced & dating a new guy (2 years now). She has a good job at a bank and her and her ex husband had a bought a house. My husband and I are making an offer on a house tomorrow. I work at a hotel & go to school full-time. I am 24. Now - what I'm irritated about is my Grandmother & Aunt on my fathers side has never been nice to me. You can definately see that Holly is the worlds greatest to them. My aunt didn't even come to my wedding. She didn't even send me an email - but sent one to my grandma & sister as of why she wasn't coming. My grandmother bought my dress because she bought my sisters - but that was a whole different ordeal. She offered to pay 1000 for my sisters & Holly got one that was 700. She didn't even want to buy my dress at first (my mom did) because she said - what if it don't last..really? My mom bought it and my grandmother paid her back.
I went to breakfast with my grandmother day after the wedding and she was saying to my h & parents how she couldn't imagine my friends thought I was sweet....I know I've the devil!
On my sisters facebook the other day it said from my aunt - Holly, you were so pretty at Ashley's wedding and I am so proud & love you. She hasn't said one thing to me. I really want to send an email to her and tell her how I feel...but she is my dads sister & my dads mom. Should I just let it go or would you finally have your breaking point?
Re: Kind of irriated
Adults don't have life altering conversations via email.
I understand your anger for the insults that have been directed your way, but if you want to discuss this with her, you need to do so in person.
Also, no one obligated to pay for your wedding dress or your sister's or make sure that everyone is even in a financial sense.
I can't have an in-person conversation. She lives in New Hampshire. We don't even speak on cell-phones. As far as dress, I didn't expect her to pay - it was her wedding gift. I even said I would pay for it.
Have you ever asked your mother if she knows what the situation is? It appears that they favor Holly and it might simply be due to the fact that she was the first born? I know it's not a good, or valid, reason. But I know it does happen in some families. There's also the fact that in some families, they favor the children who follow an "accepted" path in life. The child who follows her own heart, or simply chooses to do something different from the family norm, may also be kept an arm's length away.
If it were happening to me, I would probably disengage, or distance myself, from them. Not in a foot stomp tantrum way, but I would face the fact there is some issue, and I would be tired of being constantly disappointed that we can't connect. Maybe even defriend them from Facebook, because they don't seem to have positive inputs or any communication with me. But I keep my Facebook friends limited to the people I interact with. I know other people who use Facebook differently. But I don't think it's very helpful to you, to see these compliments to Holly and then you don't receive any acknowledgment at all.
My aunt is not on my facebook. She never added me. My mother defriended her when she found out she wasn't coming to my wedding. I have asked my mother why and she said she really doesn't know. She said she thinks my aunt likes my sister because they have the same image..money, looks and how they treat people. I have never been THIN at all, and my mother thinks that is why. I know that sounds stupid, but if you only knew my aunt.
I have thought about just seperating them from my life, but it still hurts & I always wish I knew why. I just don't want to cause hostility if I was to something, because they still are my dads family.
My grandmother on my dad's side does this. I always feel terrible for my sister because she will actually introduce us to people like that scene from a league of their own. "This is my grand-daughter CTP. This is my other granddaughter, CTP's sister."
Wow, nice grandma.
Really, it might be best if you just distanced yourself from your aunt and grandma. I know it sucks, but sometimes, people, even family members don't particularly mesh well. I'm sorry you're upset though.
Soudns like these people suck. Do you think that perhaps your life would be better off without people like that in it?
My advice is to hand write a long letter to them pouring your heart out about how their actions have made you feel over the years. Leave nothing out. Include every action, every feeling. It make take an hour, it may take 4 months. Then burn the letter and let it all go. Accept that they will never change. But you can choose to forgive and move on.
I would block them on FB so you can't read their feeds.
Aside from that, keep your distance. You might have to see them at something like your dad's birthday, but don't feel obligated to attend grandma's 80th birthday party. She has made her choices, and you can make yours. Even if your dad and mom want you to go - you are an adult, you need to protect your feelings as an adult, even if that means disappointing your mom and dad.