Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He's so not intrested
So, my husband and I have been married just over a year. The first couple months were fantastic, we were what you think of as your classic newlyweds. Come last fall, things started to slow down, like really slow down. i understand that this is part of being married, which I was fine with, until it has only been about once a month for the last couple months. Now, I know he's not doing anything else (well, that I know of) and we have had many conversations about it at great length. He says hes always to tired or has some sort of other excuse. I try hard to seduce him (I think I have spent more money at Victoria Secret then I ever wanted to) but it never seems to work. I am not sure if the issue is me. Is there any advise on what I should do because talking isn't cutting it any more?
Re: He's so not intrested
I don't know your husband, so my advice is going to cover a lot of ground.
I had a boyfriend who was just NOT into lingerie. He felt lingerie equalled pressure to perform. If I wanted to get laid, I knew that a tank top and panties was the way to go.
I had another boyfriend who was totally into high heels and stockings. I knew that if I was wearing a skirt suit to work in the morning, I was getting laid that evening.
Sexual allure isn't something you can buy and put on, it comes from inside. While I know it is hard to feel sexy when you feel like you are being rejected, but instead of focussing your charms and wiles at just your husband, try just radiating it at the world. Wear your good lingerie under your work clothes and just channel your inner sexual power to the universe. Smile a bit more. Walk with dynamic energy. I am not talking about flirting, but let your fire out from under the bushel. Your husband will notice it, even subconsciously, and feel a pull of attraction.
Now, couple that with the following experiment: Tell your husband that he is in charge of initiating sex for the next two weeks. You aren't going to lift a sexual finger - the ball is all in his court. If he wants you, he is going to have to start the ball rolling. Don't say this as a dare, but make it a sexy offer. Then, watch for his patterns. Is he horny in the morning? If he is too tired at bedtime, does he want sex when you get home from work or before dinner. When is his peak time for sexual energy? Then at the end of the two weeks, talk about what you noticed and incorporate your info into your love life.
If you don't want to do that, try having a little fantasy talk every so often. Don't do this in bed or around sex but during neutral times - going to Home Depot or cooking dinner. Instead of saying things like "Why aren't we having sex?" ask him to think about the three hottest rounds of sex you guys have had. You may be surprised - his hottest might not be the same as yours. A couple of days later, share a fantasy with him - perhaps you would love a bit of role play between you with him being more dominant or more submissive. Or you would love to have sex in the tub. Or on the back patio at midnight when no one can see. Just tell him something that would turn your crank - not in a "Let's go do it now!" way but in a "We have got to try that one of these days!" and then let it go. Secondly, while you are sharing your fantasies, tell him how sexy he would look doing them. Something like "You would look so great in the moonlight" or "I love seeing your arm muscles flexing when your on top of me. Oh so hot!"
In short, focus on the positive (I love our sex life and that is why I want more), pay compliments (I love it when you do that move with your ____) and listen to what he is saying about his own needs and desires.
Everyone has a sexual ego that is fragile, so be just as gentle and affirming with his as you would want him to be with yours.