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Vent: MIL is great 90% of the time - long, sorry
DH is an only child, and I am one of five, so you can imagine that this can occasionally cause issues. I just had to talk to him last night about talking to his mom almost daily on his way home. I don't have an issue with them keeping in touch, but he tends to forget who he told what because he talks to her so much, or he'll tell her things before telling me, or something I would've preferred stay private. Also, she gets used to him calling regularly, then when it slacks off, she calls more often herself (usually me, because she can't get him on his cell), and then it becomes demanding.
Overall, she's a great MIL. But she has her issues, and it's usually on things that she gets pissy about if I say something. When he was deployed for 9 months, and I was home finishing my last year of college and planning our wedding, she called twice a week just to check on me. Super nice thought, but she would call from work, usually when I was in class or studying, and would freak if I didn't call back within 15 minutes. Then she'd call him (no matter what time it was where he was), and worry him about me not calling back, but not tell him she only called me 15 minutes previously. I'd get this crazy call from him in the middle of his night wanting to know if everything was okay, then I'd get pissy and not even want to talk to her.
I've said something to her a few times about my opinion that the phone is optional. I return calls when it's convenient for me, not the moment I get a message. If someone doesn't need something emergent, then I finish what I'm doing, especially now with the boys. She thinks that's fine in general, but not when it comes to her calls. I've talked to DH, who justifies it with, "she's used to checking in on me, she's just trying to love you." And that's fine, but why is it that it's ok for him not to call her back because he's at work, but because I stay home I'm expected to answer or call back within minutes?
Anyway, she just called a while ago and I had my cell phone in my room. It doesn't work well in the house, so we use the house phone. She knows that, but still calls it first. She left me this super worried message that she saw the news about the smoke in the area (which we've already discussed with her), and tried my cell, then DH's cell, then the house (it never rang, she had the wrong number), then my cell again, and wanted me to call her back as soon as I get this so she doesn't worry all day about us. In my pissy-ness, I waited about a half hour, then called her back and told her (like we just said Sunday to you and FIL on Skype) we just have some smoke in the area from local fires, no big deal. She was convinced half of Jacksonville was on fire.
Anybody have advice on how to deal with a MIL who smothers you? OMG!
Re: Vent: MIL is great 90% of the time - long, sorry
Sad thing is, waiting 30 minutes was a loooong time in her mind. But you're right, I probably should've waited until the boys went down for naps. The problem is that she knows when I check my phone for calls.
H and I are going to have to have another chat tonight.
"My 101 List - Updating asap, I swear!
This would drive me nuts. Explain to her the boys are keeping your running and you can't always pick up the phone or return a phone call immediately. I would be cautious of how you say it though because I'm guessing she may get her feelings hurt, if it comes out like you don't have time to talk on the phone.
*All coming from someone who despises talking on the phone, unless there is a purpose (making plans or something)
This is part of the reason it kills me, I can't stand the phone either. I don't mind making business calls that will be short and sweet. But I don't do chatting on the phone. And yes, she does/did get her feelings hurt. I'm just not the type to tiptoe around someone else's issues.
"My 101 List - Updating asap, I swear!
DH and his mom are similar, and it doesn't bother me at all that they go through spurts where they talk every day. He's pretty good about not over-sharing, though -- I can totally see how that might get irksome.
Ditto LB - you need to change your habits if you expect her to change hers. I know she's not a bully, but the idea is the same -- bullies change behavior when they don't get the response they expect/want.
I never.. ever.. pick up the phone when DH's mom or dad calls. If DH wants to be constantly available (he doesn't, FWIW), they have his cell phone number, and they can work out the Rules of Engagement between themselves.
First thing, you have to get on the same page with your DH. When he overshares details of your marriage with his mother, she continues to believe she should be intimately involved with your life.
You said she knows when you check your phone...I don't understand how that's even possible. But like LB said, call her back when and only when it is convenient for you. A conversation is a two-way street and if you don't feel like having one, then don't.