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Visiting Dh's Relatives - WWYD (Long)
This weekend we are suppose to be going down to southern WVA to DH's Grandmother's house for a wedding celebration for his Brother and now SIL (making this the 5th wedding related event). However, by a turn of events, the wedding party where the Grandmother would be introducing them to her friends has been canceled. I really didn't have the energy to go before I found this out and now I really feel that way.
The trip is a 10 hour drive total and we just saw his extended family last month at the wedding and DH went down there in April for his Grandmother's B-day (I was in NYC with friends). Last weekend I had a mental breakdown because I am so sick of traveling as we spent 36 hours of last weekend with his other side of the family and then the remainder with my parents for Father's day. I have been needing to stay home for one weekend for all of June and it is just wearing on me.
To top is all off, our friend was suppose to arrive at our house (he is staying with us for a few weeks) from Afganistan Thursday and his flight is delayed. So now I feel bad a) not being home to welcome him home and b) he was suppose to watch our dog and now feel bad being like "yeah have a safe flight and remember to take care of the dog when/if you get back Friday night" I don't want him having to worry about our dog, but I also don't want to shell out $150 to board her for the weekend.
Also I have a friend's birthday party and another friend's housewarming party on Saturday that I really didn't want to miss (House Hunter's is filming at the housewarming!) And I have been kicking but all week working out and counting calories and know all of my hard work will be wasted if I go to his Grandmother's house where breakfast consists of krispy cremes, sugary fried apples, and a cheese/biscuit/sausage casserole.
I feel like such a diva and horrible person, but I just know if I go I am going to resent it and probably have another breakdown as some point in the 10 hour drive. DH told me tonight I didn't have to go if I didn't want to, but that was after my pouting about it basically ruined the evening. What would the nesties do in this situation? The only reason I feel bad bailing is because I didn't go visit in April with DH and I don't want rumors to start flying because DH never travels with me. Sorry this is so long, I had to vent! I now I should probably just suck it up and go with a smile on my face!
Re: Visiting Dh's Relatives - WWYD (Long)
What kind of event is it? And what have you gone to so far (in terms of the wedding?)
If you went to the wedding, the reception, and a shower or other party, you've put in enough. While this is close family, there is a limit.
I'd use the house guest as your reason for not going. "We have a house guest arriving from deployment in Afghanistan. I'm sorry about the conflict. He doesn't have a lot of control over his schedule." should shut down any rumbles from his family. I would forget about the local parties and the diet issues (for the excuse and in conversations about it with your husband... not forget about them completely). To me, those aren't valid excuses for not going, but things that make you not want to go or be glad you aren't going. Which may be contributing to you feeling bad. You have valid reasons for not being able to go. Stick with those and don't get hung up on what you "should" do.
I'd let DH go and I'd stay home
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I'd stay home.
and wtf with "pouting ruined his evening" ?!? you're stressed out!
I wouldn't go either. It's a 10-hour drive! You sound like you really need a break, and you've already seen and celebrated with these people.
Just tell them you've been really busy the last few weeks and aren't up to traveling (if you need to tell them anything).
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i would stay home. 10 hours of driving on a weekend and the 5th wedding event for one couple is kind of insane, IMO. it sounds like you really need a weekend to de-stress and hang out.
i try to go see my family sans DH at least once a year. they never say anything. and if they did, i'd let them have it.
F that man. Stay home and he can go if he wants.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
The only reason I would consider going is if DH's grandmother is old and sick and you need to spend time with her. If that is the case and you go, sleep in the car. DH's family used to live is WV and it was a 5.5 hr trip each way, so I know what you mean. I would take a book and my iPod and relax. DH hates to talk in the car so it works out fine. Also, go to the grocery and pick up some yogurt or cereal you like and bring it with you. That's what I do as well.
If you decide not to go, then that is fine too. As long as you take time to relax. I would be pissed if DH said he did not want to go somewhere b/c he wanted to relax and then he spent the whole weekend running about (I know that is not how he relaxes).
Make sense?
well said!! I agree!
I may be the lone dissenter here...
You have some valid reasons for not wanting to go. You've done a lot of wedding events. You sound overwhelmed in general. But then you pile on with lots of flimsy reasons (really, you have to eat Krispy Kreme?)
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, but it's important that you be honest with yourself and your DH about it. Building up this huge case of why you can't go, where some of it is exaggerated or over the top, means that you'll end up feeling a lot of guilt instead of having the relaxing weekend you want.
It's ok to say no to people in order to say yes to self-care. Just make sure you're doing it with integrity. Then you can do it guilt-free!
I agree with this.
But, I also tend to bend over backwards to go to family events that are not necessarily "required".... I think people usually appreciate it.
Thank you everyone for the posts. This morning DH and I talked and he also really doesn't want to go and would like to delay it for a weekend we both feel refreshed, but this is likely the last opportunity till Christmas since his work is about to pick up. We are not planning on leaving till tomorrow at 5pm and I get tomorrow off at work so I think that I am just going to try to relax as much as possible tomorrow and get some errands done and hopefully that will give me the break that I need to go away for the weekend. I know DH feels warn down just like I do, so while I would like to say "his family, his problem" but he puts in a lot of face time for my family and in case his family goes at Christmas when my sister is up visiting, I want to ensure I can get out of going then.
I also agree that I am using any excuse in the book and while some are good, others are just because I am tired and don't want to go. I also have been working on ways around the food and not offending Grandma!