Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FH really wants to try this...
I'm getting married in less than two weeks. I know on the honeymoon FH really wants to try anal. We only did it once when we were dating about 2 years ago and it didn't go well. Whenever we try I see black spots and get really nauseous. I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone? And what might be causing this? Sorry if this is TMI, I'm just really curious but I'm embarrassed to go see a doctor.
Re: FH really wants to try this...
It's pretty simple: you see black spots and get nauseous because you do not like anal sex.
I would tell him politely and firmly what you told us --- I have no idea why he wants to pursue something that did not go well when you tried it. Very doubtful if things have changed since then and you'd be more receptive to it.
No is no; he'll have to learn to live with it. Why should he pressure you into something you are not comfortable with and do not like?
I would just let him know how you feel about it. He will (or should at least) respect your wishes. Like pp said, just be honest with him.
If you do decide to try it however, make sure you take some lube with you.
I second LOTS of lube.
Some women like anal, some women don't. And that's really all there is to it. It sounds like you don't enjoy, so this isn't about ways for you to like it, it's about ways to get through to him. If he's having trouble understanding that this is NOT comfortable/enjoyable/in any way arousing for you I suggest turning the tables...When he lets you stick a dildo in his ass I'm sure you would be willing to at least consider trying it again
...I suspect that day won't come anytime soon.
Ok, here is something for you. . . when do you otherwise feel nauseous? When seeing vomit? Pregnancy? Illness?
Nausea is a way to show a discourse or a distaste for anything. You hate anal or rather I believe you may be. . . disgusted with it. Black spots? You know you hate it so much that your body actually physiologically goes through some changes. You are not prepared for this and also you make yourself sick because you seriously do not wish to go through it and well. . . it repulses you.
If you want to do anal sex, fine seek some therapy on it and read some material. If you do not want to go through with this let your fiance know. Remind him of the last time and be sure to include that it most likely will happen again.
Good luck to you and I think I said the same things that the other posters said.
My DH tried this a couple times when we were dating. I was up for trying it but I really didn't enjoy it. I told him that. He tried a couple times after that thinking that more lube was needed or that if I was being stimulated in other areas I would enjoy it more.... I didn't. He tried about three more times at which point I'd totally turn off and roll over and say okay I'm done I don't even want sex any more. He started to get the point that it really turned me off when he even thought about trying it and that he wasn't gonna get any any which way after that.
That was when we were dating for about six months. Now, I've figured out that he enjoys stimulation down there and didn't know how to express it when we were dating and just didn't understand why it didn't feel good to me.
I agreed to TRY it once, so he tried for about a second and I decided that was enough!
That's an exit and I'd like to keep it that way!
**********************************************
POST DELETED
DO NOT SPAM OUR BOARDS
**********************************************
if u really want to do it there is a way. u def need lots of lube. baby oil works great! start out by kissing and getting into a relaxed mood. like when you really make love not just have sex.be soft an gentle. have him rub his fingers on your back door starting with light rubbing an gently and slowly with more pressure. also have him use his other hand to pay with your nipples or clit or wherever else gets u goin. when you feel comfortable have him gently insert a finger or thumb into ur anas while at the same time biting your neck (this puts the pain elsewhere).
the trick for you is when he inserts his penis use your muscles to push out like if u were using the bathroom.. (gross i know but ill tell u why)
the muscle that keeps your poop from fallin out is the same muscle that makes it difficult for anything to be inserted
also for me personally it helps if my man smacks my ass or chokes me violent i know but it turns me on an allows me to let him in
you have to be relaxed an ready for it talk it up in your head to mentally prepare for it and you have to really trust your partner but beware once you do it he will want it all the time
if its done right and you take your time dont rush who knows you may come to enjoy it
oh and one last thing if u drink, get fucked up lol that will help a lot
good luck
So I felt like no one really gave you useful advice other than not to try it. My guess is you feel nauseous and see black spots because it hurts.
YOU HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL! He can't tell that it feels so different to you so he's going to try to use the same moves as in regular sex. You have to control how deep and how quickly he moves. Just a little at a time. If it hurts stop. Wait a little bit and try again. He's not going to want to move too quickly either. It's much tighter and he's going to be much more turned on by the naughtiness of it. Just slow shallow strokes until you feel like more.
You have to use lube. Do not use baby oil or anything not meant for that area. There are products out there just for anal sex like booty ease (it's a lube and it's numbing for you). I find that if you start with regular sex you'll be more in the mood and your natural wetness will help too. Just don't let him go back inside you after he's been in the back door (high risk of uti).
My last piece of advice is don't let him "finish" inside your back door. It's not fun for you later. (Think of what an enema does).
This isn't he most PC of conversations, but I want you to get the info you need. You don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with - it won't be pleasurable for either of you. But I do feel like anal is worth a try. And to be honest honeymoon sex is already going to be special. There's just something about it that makes it more WOW than any other time.
Hope this helps and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
IMO, it's my way of thinking (as well as what I've read in "A Celebration of Sex") is that anal isn't really a good thing, and it's best to avoid forcing a non-sexual body part to serve a sexual purpose.
Your future husband should respect you and your desire to avoid it, and it's probably healthier for you both not to.
of course that book is going to (pun intended) poo-poo anal sex...it's written by a CHRISTIAN SEX THERAPIST, for crying out loud!
for the OP...i ditto what others have said about lube, lube, and more lube, if you do decide to take another try.
Emerald Nuts Midnight Run (4m) 1/1/12
Coogan's Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks Run (5k) 3/4/12
Colon Cancer Challenge (15k) 4/1/12
Purple Stride NYC (5k) 4/21/12
Run to Combat Autism (5k) 4/29/12
RnR Philadelphia (Half Marathon) 9/16/12
I totally agree here. I'm not a fan of anal myself. It just plain hurts me. It doesn't feel good. My FI is very understanding about this. There are other holes he can put it in. It's not the end of the world.
I am not a fan of anal but there is something you can try that hasn't been mentioned here yet. I would say ONLY try it again if it is something you really want to do. I sell Pure Romance(not trying to advertise) and we have a product called Booty Ease that is a numbing gel that you can apply to help relax the anus to make anal more comfortable for you. You can also use a male stimulator to help absord some of his length but still give him pleasure. Apply the numbing product a little ahead of time(about 10 minutes) to give it time to work and then using TONS of lube put the male stimulator on his penis and then let him enter you V E R Y SLOWLY.
But again only do this if it is something you are both interested in.
there is a nerve that's close to the rectum and it can cause fainting and nauseousness. I can't remember the exact spelling but it's called a vasovagal reaction (fainting) & it can often occur when having a large bowel movement as well as anal sex. It is completely normal in a certain percentage of people, who would probably shouldn't have anal sex if they don't want to faint.
This is not to say that all these folk are wrong, if you don't like something sexual it will probably make you sick, and you shouldn't do it.
Just thought you'd like to know that there is a medical reason, I don't remember the percentage either, it's not common but does exist.